


The Meaning of Life

by pyxy_styx



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, No Smut, Off-screen Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Slow Build, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 87,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyxy_styx/pseuds/pyxy_styx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I once again closed my eyes wondering if I would live to see another day, or if I even wanted to. Because honestly, what was the meaning of this life?"</p><p>Eren Jaeger is in an abusive relationship and struggling to leave, and when things take a turn for the worst he has no options left.  Months later he's back on his feet, and when his friend and manager invites him to a party, he's decides to take a chance and start living his life again. That's when he meets him, Levi Ackerman. He's falling fast, but he's afraid of ending up in another abusive relationship so he pushes Levi away, but one night Levi will there when no one else is around. Will Eren finally understand the meaning of life?</p><p>[On temporary hiatus]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ~Hallo, readers, pyxy here. I would like to place a TRIGGER WARNING on this chapter, but to be honest it's more like the story... anyway, if you are sensitive to eating disorders or physical and mental abuse I would recommend finding a different story to read because the story line is based around that. If you decide to read this don't say that I didn't warn you. Now, on with the chapter.~

The cold tile floor was slowly sapping the warmth from my body. The only sound filling the room was my labored breathing. I was trying to catch my breath after purging my dinner, but I had been sitting here panting for almost fifteen minutes now and I was starting to get light-headed. I pushed myself off the ground and lowered the lid for the toilet before flushing it. I gripped the edges of the sink with my head hung. I looked up to see that my usually tan skin was sickeningly pale, my once vibrant Caribbean colored eyes were dull and lifeless. I splashed some cool water on my face and brushed my teeth. I walked out of the bathroom and almost bumped into Zackary.

“Zackary, I thought you were already-” I started, but he quickly cut me off.

“Oh, you  _thought_ did you?” he asked mockingly. “I didn’t know that you  _could_  think, but since you can would you like a reward?”

“N-no that’s okay, I was just-” my responses were getting quieter and quieter the longer he stared me down, as if he was willing me to just shrivel up and die.

“I don’t care what you were  _just_  doing. I’m going to bed and you’re going to go finish the kitchen, understand?”

“Yes Zackary.” I respond meekly.

“That’s a good Eren.” he says with a pat to my head, as if I were a dog instead of a person, though I suppose that is how he sees me. I start cleaning the kitchen, going over the events of the day. I was on my way home from my part-time job. It was maybe six when I arrived and to my surprise Zackary was already home. Zackary is my boyfriend. Zackary is also abusive in every sense of the word. I had just closed the door and turned to ask him how his day was, but the words stopped in my throat when I saw that he had been standing right behind me. I swallowed thickly and opened my mouth to say something, anything that would get him away from me, but before I could he had already pushed me up against the door. He had his arm across my throat, effectively cutting off my breathing, and all his body weight pushing me into the door, crushing me.

At one time I might have almost rivaled him when it came to weight, but starving and purging for a year and a half had me dropping almost thirty pounds. He was screaming in my face telling me that I was pathetic and worthless and how if I so much as breathed in his direction he was going to kill me. He then grabbed the front of my shirt and threw me to the floor of the living room, almost causing me to hit my head on the coffee table. He told me that he was going to take a nap and to wake him for dinner.

My presence must have inconvenienced or disturbed him somehow.

I had shakily gotten to my feet and straightened up the living room, Zackary had made another mess. I had also decided to clean the kitchen. By the time I was done with that it was already a little after seven, if I didn’t hurry with dinner Zackary was going to come out here and give me some “encouragement” as he liked to call it, that usually just consisted of him beating me. I made a simple dinner of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and Pillsbury biscuits. When I knocked on the door to our bedroom to wake Zackary for dinner it was a little before eight, right when he liked to eat. I on the other hand liked eating around six, not that it mattered what I wanted.

“Zackary, dear, it’s time for dinner.” I turned and went back to the kitchen, I made our plates before taking the plates to the small dining room table and seating myself. Zackary came out about five minutes later. He sat and started eating without saying a word. I said a quick prayer and started on my own meal. The tension was so thick and heavy it probably would have taken a chainsaw to cut through it.

“So how was your day?” I asked briefly looking up from my food.

He made a derisive snorting noise before saying, “Long, all of my co-workers are idiots and my boss is Satan himself, he’s just wearing a really fat and smelly middle-aged pig for the time being.”

“Oh, I’m sorry you had a rough day.” More silence. This was how it usually was at dinner, silence, I ask him how his day was, then more silence.

I was just about done with my plate when I reached for another biscuit. My hand was smacked away and I flinched.

“No more food, Eren. You’re turning into a gluttonous pig.”

“Of course Zackary.” I said hanging my head in defeat. I hear his chair moving and looked up only to have my head pushed into my plate.

“What was that Eren? Care to repeat?”

“I was just saying yes. I won’t eat any more food, I promise.”

“Good.” He said pushing my face harder into my plate before finally releasing me, but I didn’t dare lift my head, not until he gave me permission to.

“I’m going out I’ll be back soon. And get all of that food out of your hair while I’m gone.” He quickly put his shoes on and grabbed his keys, slamming the door on his way out.

I let out a choked sob as I raised my head. Standing up I wiped away my silent tears with the sleeve of my shirt, and dragging my feet into the bathroom I did as Zackary told me. I washed the mashed potatoes and the juices from the corn out of my hair. Opening the lid for the toilet I sank to my knees. I used to use my hand or my toothbrush to have to purge, but now I just push my tongue into the back of my throat until my gag reflex kicks in. I empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. The acidic taste burns my throat and taste buds, the horrible odor had me crinkling my nose in disgust. My eyes are watering and I’m short of breath, but at least I won’t be a gluttonous pig like Zackary said. I used to be rather muscular since I did track and field.

I had met Zackary halfway through my freshman year of college. He was a nice, sweet guy. It wasn’t until after we were together and I had moved in with him about six months later that he became abusive. At first it was small things, he would was hurtful things and at first I thought he was just joking around, it wasn’t until the first time that he hit had me that I knew this was no joke. This was him, and he was terrifying. I had tried to leave, tried to break up with him when I first realized this, but he literally beat me into submission, I tried fighting back, I wasn’t weak, I could fight him and win, then I could leave. I underestimated him though, he had beat me to the point of almost blacking out before I caved saying that I would stay, that I wouldn’t try to leave. And I hadn’t, not since that day. However with all the lack of food, all the purging, and Zackary not allowing me to do sports anymore I had become weak. Which I guess led to this, me cleaning up after dinner with a bruised throat and a swollen face.

After I finished cleaning the kitchen for a second time that day, I went to take a shower. I was under the water rinsing off when the water suddenly became freezing. I tried to adjust the temperature, but nothing was working. There was a pounding on the door.

“Eren, get out! You’re spending too much time in the shower!” he shouted through the door. It was then that it all made sense, Zackary had turned the hot water off.

I turned the knob for the shower and got out. I dried myself off with my towel but I was freezing. Wrapping said towel around my waist as securely as possible I made my way to the room I shared with Zackary. I got dressed in my flannel pajamas that I often reserve for winter, but since I was still extremely cold I decided it would be fine for tonight. I climbed into bed next to Zackary and tried to put as much space as I could between the two of us.

“Good night.” I whispered.

“Whatever, just go to bed.” was his irritated response.

“Yes dear.”

I once again closed my eyes wondering if I would live to see another day, or if I even wanted to. Because honestly, what was the meaning of this life?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~So updating live from my hospital bed because I'm that dedicated to my fic, I just wanted to put up a TRIGGER WARNING for this chapter. Don't forget if you ever need someone to talk to you can always inbox me.~

It had been almost two weeks since Zackary’s last outburst and I was currently talking to one of my best friends, Armin. His intelligent blue eyes gleamed as he spoke about the project that we had to do for chemistry. He was constantly brushing his blond hair out of his face as we walked, but it was futile with the wind blowing like it is.

Armin and I had been friends since middle school and I’m glad that Zackary didn’t know that I still talked to him, or Mikasa for that matter. It had been just the three of us for years and I’ll be damned if I let Zackary ruin that. He may have destroyed everything else in my life, but this was one thing I told myself I would protect. My two best friends, the only real family I had left.

“So anyway when do you want to start working on our project?” Armin asked lifting his gaze to meet mine since I was a good five or six inches taller than he was. I was trying to think of a time that would be safe and wouldn’t have Zackary suspicious. On the days that I didn’t have work would probably be best, I would stop by Armin’s to work on the project then head home, if Zackary asked I could just say that one of my co-workers was sick and I was just filling in until they were better.

“Hmm, how about Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday?”

He pondered this briefly, nodding in agreement, “Alright, then. Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday it is.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, okay?” I started to walk away, but stopped when Armin said, “Yeah, tomorrow. What time though?”

“Right after class, I can work until around five forty-five, but I’d have to leave then.”

“Okay, that should be enough time.”

“Alright, bye.” I said waving goodbye to Armin. I headed to work which I could thankfully walk to. It was a pet store that was about a ten minute walk from the school.

“Hey, Hanji. Is it busy today?” I asked in greeting to the rather eccentric head manager. They were four years older than my twenty-two years, but that didn’t stop them from acting like they were twelve. They bounded over to me, their messy brown hair barely contained in their ponytail holder, their red framed glasses almost falling off their face. It was definitely a sight to see.

“Eren, my baby, my darling how are you?” they shrieked, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

“I’ll be better when I can breathe again.” I mumbled breathlessly into the fabric of their shirt.

“Huh? Oh, sorry. But again how are you?” they got a serious tone in their voice and I knew instantly that they were referring to Zackary.

“Fine, it’s been good for a couple of weeks now.”

Hanji knew of my current “predicament” with Zackary. They’re the only one that knows and I prefer to keep it that way. It was by mistake that they found out. It was about a little more than a year ago, the night before I was due to come in Zackary had a meltdown, and he took it out on me. I had bruises all around my throat, on my face, and covering my arms. I had gotten pretty good at hiding the bruises on my face with concealer, I wore a long sleeve shirt, and I covered my neck with a scarf, since it was still early spring it was still rather chilly so at the time nobody thought anything of it. I had taken off my scarf to change into my uniform and forgotten to put it back on. The second I walked out Hanji was on me, question after question. I was trying so hard not to tell her, but the evidence was all over my throat. I broke down after that. I told her what had been happening, I told her I was afraid to leave, and I told her that I was scared for my life. They held me like my mom used to before she had passed and it was in that moment that I knew that I would always be able to trust Hanji, always depend on them. They told me that everything would be fine, that they would take care of me, all I had to do was say the word, but I had assured them that that wasn’t necessary.

They’ve kept the secret ever since, but only as long as I tell them myself when something happened. That was part of the agreement, if they didn’t hear from me every couple of days, or if I wouldn’t tell them when he hit me then they would take this to the police. And every time I say that he had hit me or beat me or whatever, anything that left a bruise, Hanji would take pictures and keep the camera in their locker. They set up an “escape route”, where if I truly felt like Zackary would kill me, I had a way out. I would wait until he fell asleep, text Hanji the “word”, and I would come straight here, it didn’t matter what time it was. I was to use the spare key that Hanji had given me and come inside, lock the door behind me, and go into their office being sure to lock that door too. Then I would call them, if I didn’t call back within twenty minutes of sending the “word” they would call the police and hope for the best. I would grab the bag that I keep stashed here that already has some clothes and money that I’ve been saving up in it, and we would leave. As soon as Hanji was sure I was safe with them they would take everything to the police.

I was grateful that they were doing all of this for me, but I didn’t want to be a bother, and I felt like that is what I would be if I ever needed to use the escape route. Hanji had reassured me several times that I could never be a burden, but after being called that and worse for almost two years it was hard to believe them. I wanted to believe them, I was almost desperate to believe, but I guess it will take time. My self-esteem and self-worth were through the floor right now, and I’ll have to work to fix it.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Now to answer your earlier question, no, we are not busy.” They let go and tried to smooth the crinkles out of my clothing before finally giving up with a shake of their head.

“Anyway, do you think you can handle the register while I organize the back?” they ask tilting their head causing them look like a bird.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Go do whatever.” I said dismissively.

The time passed quickly with only a handful of customers, and before I knew it, it was time for me to leave. I was dreading going “home”, but could you blame me? After all, I do live with a monster.

Walking in the front door I was greeted with silence. It was six o’clock on the dot which was the time I usually got home. If I was lucky Zackary wouldn’t be home for at least an hour and a half, but the last thing I wanted was for him to come home early and see a dirty house. So I quickly tidied up the place. When I was done it was roughly six thirty that meant that I would have to start dinner in around half an hour. In the mean time I decided to take a quick power nap.

When I opened my eyes I was greeted with the bright light of the clock on the bedside table. It read seven ten, I bolted upright and scrambled out of bed. I darted into the kitchen to start on dinner, tonight it was pasta with a tossed salad and garlic bread. Forty minutes later dinner was ready, but Zackary still wasn’t home. I put the salad in the fridge and the garlic bread in the microwave and left the spaghetti on the stove with the lid still on the pot, I had turned the stove off so as not to burn the spaghetti. I walked into the living room and sat on the couch and waited for Zackary to get here. I waited and waited and waited some more before eventually falling asleep; that was a mistake. When I was slapped awake, I emitted a yelping sound and sat up staring into his cold and detached brown eyes. The same eyes that I once thought were so warm and friendly, and had endlessly loving depths to them, but not anymore, now they had hatred and disgust burning their depths.

“Who told you that you could go to sleep, huh? Who told you!?” he shouted grabbing the front of my shirt, his voice echoing eerily through the house.

“No one, no one told me. I’m sorry Zackary. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. It won’t happen again, I promise.” I had tears streaming down my face as I told him over and over again that I was sorry. He must not have wanted to hear that, or maybe he just got tired of me talking, so he slapped me again, harder this time. That shut me up almost instantly. He leaned in closer and dropped his voice down to a whisper, and that scared me more than I thought it would, I would rather have him screaming at me.

“If you don’t shut the fuck up I am going to slit your throat. Do I make myself clear?” I frantically nodded my head, I thought I was going to give myself whiplash. The first time he threatened to kill me I had been shell shocked. There was no way that he meant it, right? But the thing is I don’t want to find out whether or not he means it. He had been threatening to kill me more often lately, and I was becoming even more afraid. I think I might have to go with the escape route soon.

“Good. Now did you make dinner?” Another nod from me.

“Then make the table. You have five minutes.” He walked away after that. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that he meant every word he just said. I had the table ready in two minutes, and was sitting there waiting patiently for him to come back. True to his word five minutes had passed and he was sitting down at the table as well. This time around I didn’t try to cut through the silence lest he decide to cut through my throat. I didn’t dare to try and get seconds either, I was doing everything in my power not to set him off.

 When he was done he silently stood and went back upstairs. I hadn’t realized how late it was until I looked at the clock on the microwave, it read ten thirty-seven.  _Why was he out so late? What had he been doing?_  I came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter and that if I didn’t hurry up and finish the kitchen he would be back, and the last thing I wanted was for him to make good on his threat. I took a quick three minute shower before getting into bed. I was sure that he was asleep, but when I laid down he scooted closed and wrapped his arms around my waist. My stomach dropped, and it felt like I had to swallow my heart to get it out of my throat. I wanted to cry, I could feel the tears in the corners of my eyes and I had to will them away because crying in front of Zackary was asking for a beating and I already knew that I was going to hate tonight. I knew what him trying to cuddle meant, he wanted to pleasure himself with my body and I knew I was going to have a long and rough night. Nights like these weren’t loving, or intimate, or passionate like they were supposed to be. This was just him using my body for the hell of it. He slowly climbed on top of me and at that exact moment I checked out of reality, just staring at a point on the wall waiting for this to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So updating Monday, Wednesday, and Friday it is... Since this is my first fanfiction constructive criticism is welcome. Let me know if you guys like this. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yet another TRIGGER WARNING, but it should be good for the next few chapters. Also, my proof reading skills are through the floor right now, so if I made any mistakes or if things aren't coherent just let me know and I'll fix it when I'm better.

I awoke Thursday morning, being incredibly sore, Zackary had once again decided that I was a play thing and not a person and I had had another late night. I was sticky and covered from head to toe in bruises, he had been rougher than he normally is. I thanked God that he was already gone for work.

I slowly made my way to the bathroom.

I got in the shower.

I turned the water temperature up until it was scalding.

I scrubbed myself raw.

I felt disgusting, I hated myself for being weak, for letting him control me like some mindless puppet. After getting out of the shower and getting dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a navy blue shirt, and a grey scarf I grabbed an apple and my bag and I headed out the door. I went to the pet shop first though, I had plenty of time till school started and I need to let Hanji examine me, they were studying to become a doctor after all, but it was mostly so they could take pictures of all the bruises. I arrived and as soon as I opened the door I was pulled into a quick tight hug, then inside and into the Hanji’s office.

“Oh, my poor baby! You look half dead! What happened?” they said all of this in one breath so they sounded kind of funny, and I might have laughed had the circumstances been different. They fluttered theirs hand about my face and neck looking conflicted between not wanting to touch me, but wanting to check me all the same.

“Long night.” I responded, my voice still hoarse from last night. Hanji’s face significantly darkened, they looked just about ready go find Zackary and kill him, and I was in no mood to try and stop them.

“Sweetie, why are you staying? You can leave any time you want, and I told you I would be here if it ever came to that. I hate seeing you like this, it breaks my heart.” The sincerity in their voice had me on the verge of tears and I threw myself into their arms. They were a few inches shorter but that didn’t matter right now, all that mattered was that they were here and comforting me. After a few minutes of my crying on their shoulder I straighten myself up.

“Come on, let’s take the pictures, I have to leave soon.”

“Okay, ready when you are.”

I hadn’t put concealer on before I left because I knew that I had to come by here so the only thing I had to do was strip down, I kept my boxer briefs on but aside from that I was bare. Hanji took several pictures from every possible angle over the course of about ten minutes. Hanji put the camera down and waited for me to get dressed again. Once I was done they gave me another hug. I went into the bathroom and covered up the bruises with the concealer I kept in my bag, once I was done with that I walked back into the office to see Hanji leaning up against their desk.

“Do you have any Motrin? I hurt like you would not believe.”

“Yeah. Let me get it for you.” They milled around in their desk for about a minute, they let out a victory cry as they held up the blue and white bottle.

“Here you go sweetie. Take it with you just in case you need some more later.”

“Thank you Hanji, I really appreciate all that you’ve done for me.” They pulled me into another hug then.

“Eren?”

I answered with a hum. “Are you eating? You looked rather thin in those pictures.”

“I try to, but he restricts how much I’m allowed to eat. I have a weekly weight-in, if I gain weight he punishes me. I had to start purging to make sure I wasn’t too heavy.”

“Oh angel. Why are you doing this to yourself? I hate that I can’t do anything right now.”

“Soon. I’ll probably do it soon.”

“Why what happened?” they asked suddenly sounding very alert.

“Last night he threatened to slit my throat… again.” They grabbed my shoulders and stared at me wide-eyed.

“Why didn’t you leave then? Are you crazy? This is the second time in less than a week.”

“No I’m not crazy, but if I want this to work than I have to wait for the right time to do it. I only have one chance at this.” They blew out a breath through their pursed lips.

“Alright, I’ll be waiting for the word.”

“I need to leave now, I’m gonna be late.”

“Yeah, text me on your way home okay?”

“Alright.”

I waved goodbye as I walked through the front doors of the shop. I jogged to the school and sat down in my seat just as the bell rung.

“Cutting it rather close don’t you think Mr. Jaeger?” my professor asked from the front of the lecture hall.

“Ah, yes sir. It won’t happen again. I promise.” I said running my hand through my thick, chocolate brown hair, it was getting rather long, I’d have to cut it soon or Zackary would probably shave my head in my sleep.

“See that it doesn’t.” he turned around and started writing something on the large black board at the front of the lecture hall.

“The professor’s right Eren, you should manage your time better.” Mikasa spoke from beside me.

“Yeah, I know. I had to stop somewhere first and it took longer than I had expected.” I glanced at her, she was shaking her head at me so I gave her a sheepish smile, she continued to shake her head but at least she smiled back. After that we focused on what the professor was saying. I had gotten my laptop out to take notes, and I was typing so fast that I’m surprised my fingers didn’t burst into flames. How on earth do people even talk that fast? Unfortunately I had no time to ponder any further, not unless I wanted to fall behind on what was being said.

An hour and a half later and I could finally get up and stretch. “I’ll see you later, right?” Mikasa asked.

“Of course Mika. You, Armin, and I should hang out soon, like next week or so?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

“Then I’ll talk to Armin while we work on our project okay?”

“Hai.”

“Auf widersehen, bis zum nächsten mal.”

“Sayōnara.” I gave her a small hug after her goodbye and we parted ways. My next class was with Armin and I was thankful for that. I had my best friends in all my classes which was rather strange considering that we were all majoring in different fields of study. Armin was working towards a PhD in literature, while Mikasa wanted to become a history major, military history, and I was on my way to a chemistry major. I mean the first two years at college are pretty much the same no matter what field you plan on studying, those first two years are basics, but this is our fourth year here and while we have courses that differ why would an English major need advanced biology and chemistry and why would a history major need advanced physics and calculus? I sat down and got my laptop out again, I had just finished setting it up when Armin plopped down into the seat next to me.

“Hey Armout.” I said trying to hide a smirk. It was an old nickname for Armin, one that he happened to hate.

“Fuck you  _Gay_ ger.” was his immediate reply. That is a nickname he reserves for when is tired of me and my antics, though I haven’t even done anything,  _yet_.

“Oh, how you wound me with your cruel, cruel words Armout. I thought we were friends, best friends.” He gave me a dramatic eye roll.

“You know I’m surprised you didn’t see your own brain with that eye roll.”

“Eren, focus on the professor.”

“What professor, there’s no one at the front of the room.”

“Not the point.”

“Fine, be boring, but just remember, we have a project to do at your place and you can’t get away from me then now can you?”

“Have I ever told you that I hate your guts.”

“Yes hundreds of times over the years. Why?”

“I just wanted to reiterate.”

“If you say so.”

“And I do. Now hush the professor is here.”

“Aye, Aye, Captain Coconut.” I said giving him a mock salute. He gave me a look that told me I was in for it later, but I was unconcerned. It was just nice to be able to joke with him again.

After class was over we headed off to his dorm which was maybe a five minute walk from the main campus.

“So I’m sure you’ve already planned out the whole project so what parts will I be doing?” I asked Armin.

“I was gonna handle the reports while you do the more physical aspect of the piece.” And that was so predictable that I had to shake my head at him. Once we got to Armin’s dorm we put all our stuff down and took a few minutes to relax.

“Alright the first thing we need to do is form the hypothesis. You said you already got all the supplies that we needed right?”

“Yeah, I picked everything up yesterday after class was over.”

“That’s good.”

 Armin nodded once as his form of agreement. The next two and a half hours were spent planning how we were going to set up the experiment for tomorrow. We were going to do six different experiments, if my counting was correct.

It was five forty-three which meant I had to leave or risk being found out. Zackary’s work schedule had been off recently and if this was one of the days when he got home early I didn’t want him to ask why I was late.

“Hey, I gotta head out now.” I started quickly packing my things away, and he continued working. He briefly looked up to wave me goodbye. “Alright, I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” I left his dorm making sure I had everything as I went down the stairs. Armin was in a single dorm on the fourth floor of the male dorms. His grandfather was loaded and was putting Armin through this rather expensive college like it was nothing, hence the really expensive dorm he was staying in. I’m here on a full-ride scholarship, I may not be as smart as Armin, but to land this scholarship I had to be pretty damn close to where he was. Then there was Mikasa who is also here on a full-ride athletic scholarship, the coaches say she’s one of the best soccer players this school has ever seen and considering the fact that that quite a few players from here went into the pro’s that’s saying something.

I walked into Zackary’s house and saw him sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand, there were several other empty bottles on the floor and coffee table indicating that he had been home for a while now. I tried not to panic, he would definitely get suspicious then, or maybe he wouldn’t. If he’s as drunk as he looks he probably can’t stand, let alone form a coherent thought.

“Good evening dear. How was your day?” He glares at me from his spot on the couch.

“Why don’t you tell me.” He looks angry at me, but I can’t figure out what I might have done wrong.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ve been taking off work to keep an eye on you. I’ve been following you since Monday.” My blood ran cold when his words reached my ears.  _He had been following me? What all did he see?_

“What do yo-”

“Shut up. I saw you Tuesday going to the pet store before school, I saw you go to the pet store this morning too, I saw that person hug you and pull you into the back.”

“That was just my manager they hug everyb-” I tried thinking of an excuse that would lessen the severity of his anger, it wouldn’t go away but maybe I could head it off some. But it didn’t matter. He was already yelling. “I said shut up.”

“I saw you hug that black-haired bitch with the scarf today.”

“She’s just my partner for-“

“I don’t care. If you say one more word before I tell you to speak I’ll beat your face in, understood?” I nodded.

“Very good. Then I saw you with that little blond twink in your next class and  _then_  to top all that off, I saw you going with him to the dorms for almost three hours, just like Tuesday, when you told me that you were just filling in for a co-worker. Tell me, what were you doing there?” I couldn’t tell whether this was one of the times when he actually wanted an answer or not so I kept my mouth closed until he screamed at me to ‘answer his goddamn question!’

“Armin is my lab partner for chemistry we have a project that we’re working on. I went to his place to lay out what we were going to do, nothing happened Zackary. I swear I didn’t do anything.” I begged pleadingly. I needed him to believe me because if he didn’t the odds of me surviving the night are slim to none.

“What type of project are you doing then?”

“We’re experimenting with thermite reactions. I’m telling the truth, we just worked on our project, nothing else.”

“Go sit on our bed until I tell you to get up.” He said dismissively with a wave of his hand.

I quickly walked into our bedroom and sat on our bed, just like I was told. I checked to make sure he didn’t follow me, I listened for his footsteps. I didn’t hear anything so I pulled out my phone and sent Hanji a quick text.

**Me: Tonight, it has to be tonight. If I don’t text you by two call the police. Don’t respond to this text either.  
Sent: 18:12**

After sending the text I erased it, the last thing I wanted was for him to see a text like that, I shoved my phone into the waist band of my jeans. Out of sight out of mind works best when dealing with Zackary, if he doesn’t see my phone he won’t be tempted to take it, and keeping it in my back pocket isn’t out of sight. I was making a plan of action for this evening. Around one after I was absolutely sure Zackary was asleep I would grab my phone, keys, and a small black box hidden in the closet and that’s it. Anything I leave behind can stay here, I won’t risk my life for an object that can be replaced.

I was still busy thinking about my escape plan when Zackary came into the room. I guess he wasn’t as drunk as he looked after all. I looked up at him, I knew instantly knew I was in trouble, more so than usual anyway.

“Unfortunately for you Eren, I can’t trust you anymore. You lied to me and now I have to punish you. You’ve been a very bad boy lately.”

“No Zackary, please no I didn-“, but he wasn’t about to let me finish. In an instant he had a hold on the front of my shirt and threw a punch at my face. I hadn’t seen that coming so I couldn’t even brace myself. When the punch landed I let out a mangled groan, I tasted blood, I ended up biting the inside of my cheek, I could either try to fight back or I can wait this out. He’ll run out of steam eventually, I just hoped eventually was soon. If I tried to fight him the odds of him just killing me were pretty high, I ended up choosing the latter, it’s better to just bide my time for the right moment.

I was caught even more off guard when he yanked the front of my shirt and threw me to the floor. When he tried to kick me I saw it coming, I had curled up in the fetal position. I had brought my knees up to my chest and was hugging them to myself while my other arm covered as much of my head possible. The last thing I needed was for him to rupture something, I’d really be screwed then. It went on like that for maybe six or seven minutes. He kept kicking me and repeatedly grabbing the collar of my shirt to hit me in the face only to let go and let me fall back to the floor. I was crying hysterically, begging and pleading for my life, for him to forgive me, but I was too tired and it hurt too much to breathe so there was little point in me wasting my breath to reason with someone who wasn’t listening to me. When he was finally done with me he was out of breath, but he leaned down to get in my face. I could barely see him through my tears, but I could definitely smell the alcohol on his breath, it was sickening.

“Don’t you  _ever_  lie to me again and don’t you  _ever_  go to your  _partner’s_  house again. Do I make myself clear?”

I wheezed out some kind of response. I don’t remember what I said but it must have been enough to appease him. He left slamming the bedroom door behind him. I heard the front door slam shut a moment later. I let out the sobs that I had been trying to keep in. I shakily took my phone out to find the he’d ended up kicking it, the screen was broken, but the phone still worked and that was all I cared about. I called Hanji, she answered on the first ring.

“Eren, sweetie, are you okay?” I could hear the worry in their voice.

“Wings, wings Hanji.” I croaked out hoarsely. “I don’t know how long he’s going to be gone, but I don’t think I can leave by myself. He really did a number on me.”

I could hear rustling in the background, and they sounded frantic when they next spoke. “Eren, where are you? Can you move?”

“As for the first question I’m on the floor in the bedroom, but I don’t know if I can move. I need help, but should I try to leave now or wait till later??”

“Yes, get out, leave right now.”

“But I don’t know where Zackary is. He’s been following me since Monday, he might not have gone far, I don’t want to risk it. And I don’t think I’m physically capable of leaving by myself. Can you pick me up?”

“Yeah, I was just about to close up so I’ll be there in five. I’ll grab your stuff while I’m at it, that way we can you just get you somewhere safe. I want you to wait by the front door and as soon as you see me in front come out. Be ready in five, okay?”

“Okay, five minutes, I’ll be ready.” I hung up. I pushed myself into a sitting position and winced as my body protested. I crawled over to my closet and picked up the small box that was in the back of the closet on the floor. Everything I wanted to save was in here. Box in hand I attempted to stand, crying out in pain and almost ending up on the floor again, I settled my weight on my good leg, which happened to be my right one, I leaned heavily on the wall as I half stumbled half walked to the front door. I was looking through the window to the left of the door for about two minutes when I saw Hanji’s silver Honda civic pull up at the curb. I quickly opened the door, locking it behind me so Zackary wouldn’t suspect anything when he first got home. I was on the front porch when Hanji reached me, helping me to the car.

“Oh, my baby. I know you’re not okay, but do you think you need a hospital?”

“I don’t know, I’ll let the police decide.” As soon as I was settled as comfortably in the car as possible, Hanji was in the driver’s seat and pulling away from the curb. I have no idea if Hanji was speeding, but I didn’t care, I was just tired.

“Hey, you have to stay awake. You might have a concussion I can’t let you go to sleep if that’s the case.”

“Alright, I won’t sleep, I promise.” I was incoherent at best but I kept my promise, I didn’t fall asleep. When we pulled into the garage of Hanji’s house they let out a sigh. They carefully helped me out of the car and into their house. They led me to their living room and laid me on their couch which was extremely comfortable and I was halfway tempted to break my promise and sleep. Hanji said they were going to call the authorities and that they would be right back, they also reminded me not to sleep. They went towards the back of their house. Maybe the kitchen was back there. To keep myself awake I studied my surroundings. The living room was large, spacious, and had plenty of natural lighting. I was laying on a white couch, the couch was centered a few feet away from the wall behind it. I could see three black and white weird looking pillars over the back of the couch. In front of me was a black table that was on top of a white carpet the walls were a light blue. Also in front of me was a large TV that had shelves which were built into the wall stretching to either side of said TV. I looked up and was met with what look like a lamp with a chrome hemisphere that was attached to a curved metal rod. I saw something else on the ceiling out of the corner of my eye. I wasn’t sure what it was though, or what purpose it had. It consisted of five spheres connected to a larger sphere by metal rods. I was busy look around when Hanji came over and handed me a cup of water.

“I called the police, they’re sending an officer over here along with paramedics, they’re also sending a squad car over to Zackary’s house to pick him up whenever he gets home, if he isn’t there already.”

“Okay. Thank you again Hanji, for all of this.” I graciously took a drink of the cool water with Hanji’s help, then laid back and waited.

“No problem at all dear, now rest, the police will be here shortly.” When the police arrived they started to question me, I told them about all the things that had transpired over the past two years, I also gave them my formal statement. Hanji was also questioned, they handed over the camera that contained all the photos they had taken, there might be close to two hundred photos. I asked about what would become of my now ex. Hanji and I were told that he would be put in holding until he saw the judge, whether or not the judge would allow bail however was not foreseeable, and if he was able to post bail that he would be released. If that happened an officer would tail him for a short period of time. There would be a trial and if Zackary didn’t plead guilty then I would have to come in and testify. If he was locked up then there would be no problems, but if he isn’t then I would have an issue. They recommend that I get a restraining order if that happens. I scoffed at them, like a piece of paper is going to help me if he tries to kill me.

The paramedic did a thorough check of me and determined that nothing was broken or ruptured and that I didn’t have a concussion, but I did have a few lacerations and my ribs were bruised. They said I would need plenty of bed rest until I had fully healed which would take a few weeks. I would have to go to the school with Hanji tomorrow and ask for a week off, and since Hanji was my manager I doubted she would let me do anything over the next few days.

Everyone finally left, all in all, my talk with the officers and getting checked out by the paramedics only took about an hour and a half. It wasn’t even eight yet, but it sure as hell felt a lot later than that. I was out by the time Hanji had ushered everyone out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm still in the hospital and I don't know when they're going to release me, I might not be able to update on Wednesday like I want. I may be able to get in another chapter, but with how heavily they're drugging me it seems unlikely. So I might skip Wednesday and just post on Friday, I probably won't be here then.  
> Also thank you all so much for actually taking the time to read my fic, like holy sh!t. I didn't expect anyone to read this, and all the kudos I've gotten so far make me unbelievably happy. Constructive criticism is welcome, please give me helpful feedback if you think there is something that can be improved. Until next time, pyxy out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was able to post after all, I apologize for this being late. Again I am sorry for any mistakes there may be, I'm still being heavily medicated, but I'll come back and fix them as soon as I'm better. This is a filler chapter, more or less, so baear with me, please nice. Now, on to the chapter.

**__**

 [Hanji’s POV]

I was asking Eren what he wanted for dinner, but soon realized my question fell on deaf, or in this case, sleeping ears. He was out and I could hardly blame him for being exhausted. I fetched a throw blanket for him and let him sleep. I went upstairs to my study and sat in my black leather chair. I didn’t know what to do with Eren now that I had him, I planned for him to leave, but after that? That was unlike me, I thought out everything, but I hadn’t so now I needed to make a plan of action and quickly. I’ll have him stay with me until he can find a place of his own, it’s not like I don’t have the space for it. My house was huge and I was the only one living in it even though I had two other bedrooms. I was deep in thought when the doorbell rang. I made my way down the stairs and to the front door, looking through the peephole I saw two familiar faces there. I let out a silent curse opening the door.

“Hey guys what brings you here?” I asked cheerily, trying to feign ignorance.

“You know exactly what we’re for shitty glasses.” Levi said in his usual monotonous voice.

“Hmm, care to enlighten me?” Levi gave an eye roll and Erwin was trying unsuccessfully to hide his laughter.

“You invited us out like two weeks ago, remember?” was Levi’s irritated response.

I scratched at the back of my head, sheepishly saying, “Oh, yes, well now I’m cancelling, sorry.”

“Any particular reason why?” Erwin asked finally speaking up.

“Oh, I’m just taking care of… some… stuff?”

“Why does it sound like you’re asking a question rather than telling us that you have 'stuff’' to do? Hanji can we come in? Seriously that is the least you could do.”

“Actually Levi,” I said stepping back and ushering them in, “the least I could do is shut the door in your face and tell you to go home.” I said thoughtfully, Erwin smirked at my remark and walked off to the kitchen while Levi headed for the living room.

“Wait! You can’t go in there right now.” I almost shouted, catching myself at the last moment. Eren was asleep and being woken up with shouting is probably something he’s experienced too many times, and I didn’t want him to have to relive that. However I was a little too late and Levi was just standing there staring at Eren’s sleeping form.

“Why is there a person passed out on your couch and why does it look like he got hit by a truck?” Levi asked, a quizzical expression on his face.

“Umm, well this is Eren.”

“The brat you’ve been talking about?” Erwin was standing behind me looking over my shoulder at Levi and Eren.

“Yeah, and he’s not a brat.”

“Really now? He looks filthy and he’s dirtying your couch, but he’s not a brat? Didn’t his mom ever teach him any manners?”

“His mom died when he was eight.”

 Levi had the decency to look shamed at that.  I, on the other hand, mentally slapped myself I wasn’t supposed to say anything about Eren to them. When talking about Eren in the past I had been very vague, they knew nothing about him except for his name and the fact that I thought he was an angel, I didn’t want to break his trust in me after I worked so hard to get it.

“Okay, so why is he passed out again? Seriously though, the kid looks like he got hit by a semi, what happened to him?”

“It’s not my place to say, the reason is his to tell. If you want to know you can ask him, but definitely not right now or any time in the near future, or ever actually. You guys need to be gone when he wakes up, as far as I’m concerned you two were never here. If you ever talk to him in the future don’t bring tonight up  _at all._  Now I can’t go out with you guys tonight and I’m sorry about that, this came up suddenly, but I’m not leaving Eren right now or anytime in the next week or so actually.”

Eren started to stir, muttering in his sleep, I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but apparently Levi did because he looked over his shoulder to stare at my new roommate. I wondered what he heard, but I wasn’t about to ask.

“You guys can stop by later on this week if you really want, but I need you guys to leave.”

I led them to the front door, Erwin gave me a pat on the back while Levi just rolled his eyes and huffed at me before walking away. I shut the door behind them. I quickly checked on Eren, after I was sure that he was fine I went upstairs to my room to take a shower and go to sleep. I was about to have a long week.

[Levi’s POV]

“I can’t believe them. They force us into a get together then cancel the day of, stupid shitty glasses.” I complained staring out the window of the car. Erwin was going to drop me off at my house because I decided to carpool for some shitty reason

“Levi I think you’re taking this a little bit too personal.”

“Can it eyebrows, no one asked you.” I retorted bitterly.

“Well I didn’t ask you either so I guess this makes us even.” He had the nerve to look smug after that. I left the matter alone to ponder my thoughts.  _Why was Hanji taking care of Eren? Why did he look like complete shit? And what did he mean when he mumbled that he was sorry? Who the hell was Zackary? What was he promising Zackary? Was he apologizing to Zackary? Why are there so many unanswered questions with that brat?_  I usually don’t care about anyone except for Erwin and Hanji, not that I’d tell them that. So why did I care about what this brat was mumbling in his sleep? Was it because of the way he sounded, was it the agony and desperation in his voice? Maybe it was because he was with Hanji, I would hate for that kid to do something to them. Though from what little Hanji has said about the boy he’s an “angel”, but if that was the case then why the fuck did it look like the kid got ran over? And what did Hanji mean when they said it wasn’t theirs to tell, what wasn’t theirs? And I have no answers to any of the questions circling around in my head.

“So what do you think of Eren?” I ask Erwin, trying to be nonchalant.

“Why?”

“Curiosity. Now what do you think of him?”

“Well as far as first introduction go I don’t think he did to well. But it was only a first introduction for us, he was unconscious, so if we ever have the pleasure of meeting him when he’s awake and lucid I will give him the benefit of the doubt and reserve judgment until then.”

“Eloquent as ever Erwin.”

“So what did you think of Eren?”

“I think he’s a little shit just like everyone else, what I’m concerned about though is the fact that Hanji’s going to be taking care of the brat. She has told us next to nothing about him, and I don’t trust him.”

“Levi you don’t trust anyone, at all,  _ever_.” he remarked wistfully.

“Tch. We know nothing about him, and trusting in Hanji alone would be stupid, I just think it would be a good idea to keep an eye on them. I’m not saying that I’m going to pitch a tent in their backyard or anything, that’s filthy, but I think calling once a day or something would be a good idea.”

“You’re being quite paranoid about Eren, you know. He has done absolutely nothing, hell he was unconscious, but you’re acting like he has committed some type of crime, getting dirt on Hanji’s couch aside. I don’t know whether to be amused or concerned.”

“What’s that supposed to mean Eyebrows?” I asked indignantly.

“I mean, you’ve never acted like this with anyone in the past, even the people you don’t like, but you know nothing about this boy and you’re already about to string him up. He’s got you acting strange, and it’s funny to watch you right now, but at the same time, you’ve never done this with anyone so I’m not sure what you’ll do or how you’ll react.”

“How I’ll react? React to what? I’m not going to do anything to Eren. Christ is that what you thought? And why may I ask do you not share my concern? You’re okay with a complete and total stranger living with Hanji?”  _What does he mean I’ve never acted like this with other people, I would say that he’s forgetfully, but Erwin doesn’t forget anything, ever. The stupid bastard’s memory is amazing, probably keeps all of his memories stored in his eyebrows or something._

Erwin let out an exasperated sigh, “Levi, Eren’s a stranger to  _us_  not Hanji, if they think its fine, and if they trust him then who are we to judge? Besides, it sounded like him staying there was going to be temporary.”

“So you’re not concerned?”

“No, Levi, I’m not concerned and I’m bored with this topic. Just leave Eren and Hanji be, if Hanji has a problem with Eren then they can deal with him themselves, they don’t need you to protect them from someone who probably isn’t even a threat.”

I stared at him incredulously for about a minute before scoffing, “Whatever, just get me home.”

 “Gladly.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is welcome, if you guys think there is something I could do to improve my writing please don't hesitate to tell me.  
> I would once again like to thank everyone for all the kudos because I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to read this, like ever. So thank you!  
> Pyxy out.


	5. Chapter 5

When I woke up I had a small panic attack, I couldn’t see a thing, and because I couldn’t see I had no idea where I was, I just knew it wasn’t Zackary’s. It took a minute for me to remember why I was not at home, and that I was at Hanji’s house, and that I was safe. After establishing that I wasn’t in any danger, I also realized the reason it was dark was because it was the middle of the night, but where was Hanji? I got up stretching, which in hindsight seemed like a good idea, now however I knew otherwise. My body screamed in agony while I on the other hand didn’t make a sound, used to keeping my mouth shut when in pain, a lesson I was quick to learn when living with Zackary.

Once done with that excruciating process I walked down the hallway Hanji had walked down earlier, there was a door and I opened it to find a bathroom I didn’t give it much thought and moved on until I came across the kitchen, just like I thought. Looking around and not seeing them I promptly turned back around to keep searching. Passing through the living room again I continued until I found a stair case. I didn’t know whether or not I was allowed to go upstairs, so I hesitated and warred with myself, I finally decided on a compromise.

“Hanji? Are you up there?” I called from the bottom of the stairs, I didn’t want to yell, that might have frightened them, I didn’t want them to think anything was wrong. A minute had passed and there was still no answer.

“Hanji!?” I called a little louder. I heard a loud thud from upstairs and flinched involuntarily.

“Eren? Are you okay?” Hanji asked coming down the stairs in a black over-sized t-shirt and blood red flannel pajama bottoms, their hair sticking up in every direction. They were terrifying is a cliché horror movie kind of way, with their huge glasses and the way they reflected the non-existent light.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just looking for you, I couldn’t find you down here and I didn’t want to get in trouble for just walking around without permission so I called for you instead.”

“You wouldn’t get in trouble Eren, as far as I’m concerned this is your house too now. Now since you’re awake let me show you around. You said you’ve already walked around down here so there’s no need to show you again. Come on.” They made a one eighty and started back up the stairs. They stopped in front of the first door on the left of the hallway, they opened the door and flipped a switch on the wall illuminating an office with beige painted walls. It had a huge and sturdy looking dark brown desk with an equally large black chair. There was a bookcase the same color as the desk on the left hand side of the office, on the right hand side stood a chess table on a pedestal that looked similar to the tower piece of a chess set and on either side of the table was a chair.

“This room is my study, but if you ever need to use it all you have to do is ask.” Hanji stated. Heading out of the room after turning the light off they went to the next door which was also on the left.  They opened the door to reveal a simple bathroom, a sink with a rather elaborate silver framed mirror and a white toilet to the right of the door. “This is another bathroom for guests.”

The next door was on the right. They opened the door and clapped their hands twice and the lights in the room came on automatically. I thought the other rooms were big but you couldn’t compare this room with those. This was obviously the master suite.  There was a king size bed in the center of the far wall, it had a deep purple duvet with black sheets that were pulled back from where Hanji must have been sleeping, there were two pillows on each side if the bed. There were French doors on the left side of the room, they might have led to a walk-in closet but I wasn’t sure and piled in front of said doors was a huge pile of black and purple throw pillows. On the wall adjacent there was a door that probably led to the bathroom and to the right of the door was a large black dresser that had a large mirror attached to it. There was another dresser across from the bed that was also black, but instead of a mirror on top of it there was a TV, and the carpet that I was just now noticing was white.

“I would ask that you not come in here since this is my room, but if I’m in here then you’re welcome to sit with me.” I nodded in understanding and we continued on with the tour. The next bed room was also on the right side of the hallway. Apparently you clapped your hands to turn on the lights on in all of the bedrooms. This one was smaller than Hanji’s but still rather big, the room had light green walls and a silver bedspread with a white design that covered a full-sized bed. There was only one dresser in this room and it was large like Hanji’s, this one like Hanji’s also had a mirror but it was brown not black. The same with Hanji’s room there were French door that again probably led to a closet, and on the wall across from the French doors was another door. I was confused as to what the door led to and Hanji must have noticed.

“This is your room, I already put your bag in the closet,” they said gesturing to the French doors, they then pointed at the door on the other side of the room, “and that is your en-suite bathroom. Go check it out.” I walked forward and grabbed the chrome handle, twisting the handle I open the door. I felt along the wall looking for the switch and when I finally found it I gasped. The bathroom was gorgeous, there was large white tub that looked like it had water jets similar to a Jacuzzi. Attached to the handle was a cord leading to a shower head, the kind you could take down and put back up on a whim. The toilet was to the left of the tub and had a box of tissues on top of the water tank, and then by the cream colored wall by the door was a white pedestal sink. There was a mirror above the sink but it was more elaborate than the one in the other bathroom.

“Hanji this is amazing!” I said walking out of the bathroom closing the door behind me.

“I’m glad you like it. There’s one more bedroom but you can check that one out tomorrow, also if you want to take a shower in the morning the towels are in the linen closet which is the very last door at the end of the hall. Now however you should get some sleep. I’ll be taking off work for the weekend, but I’ll have to go back in on Monday okay?”

“Yeah, but you know that you don’t have to stay home for me. I said I wasn’t going to be a burden and I meant that.”

“And I mean it when I say that you won’t ever be a burden, I’m not Zackary and I would appreciate it if you didn’t compare me to that monster.” They were dead serious, and it just now occurred to me that, yes, I was thinking as if I were still with Zackary and not with Hanji. I kept thinking that I was going to get punished if I did something wrong or even did something as simple as going up a flight of stairs. I kept thinking that I was going to get yelled at or hit for no reason, it still didn’t register with me that Zackary was in a holding cell, the gravity of the fact that I was free still hadn’t hit me yet and until it did I was going to keep hurting Hanji, and inevitably I was going to keep hurting myself as well. But this was my first day of freedom, it was going to take some time, I doubt anyone can adjust that quickly, especially since I've been like this for almost eighteen months. I was going to have to learn to accept the past then move on if I was going to start healing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that I was just…” I trailed of not knowing how to finish.

“Eren its fine, I understand that this is going to take some time, just… consider how I feel in the process, alright?”

“I’ll definitely try.”

“Good, now try to get some sleep.” They walk to the door, “Goodnight Eren.”

“Goodnight Hanji.” They closed the door behind them. I sat on my new bed and let out a sigh when I sank comfortably into the mattress. I wasn’t sure when the last time I’d had a good night rest was, but I think it was well deserved. I stripped down to nothing but my boxer briefs, I only slept with clothes on with Zackary because I felt too exposed, but now I was by myself and I didn’t have to worry about him anymore. I let out another sigh of contentment and lay down, I clapped my hands twice and the light immediately went out. When I woke up in the morning I was going to have a fresh start, a new beginning, and I was seriously looking forward to it, with that positive thought inside my head I drifted into a peaceful and restful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really nothing more than a filler chapter, it has adds no value to the plot whatsoever. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes that I might have missed, so constructive criticism is welcome.  
> Again thank you for all the reads, kudos, and bookmarks that I've gotten so far, it makes me incredibly happy.  
> Until next time, Pyxy out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today is Eren's birthday and in honor of such an occasion I have decided to post two chapters today instead of just one, well that and this really is just another filler chapter and I feel bad for how short it is so I decided to post chapters six and seven together, yay...

I awoke to pure agony, it felt like my body was on fire, and all I could do was open my mouth and let out a scream. I wrapped my arms around myself, as if I were trying to shield myself from the pain, and curled into a ball. Hanji came into the room to find me in tears.

“Eren! Eren what’s wrong?” I tried to answer, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a series of whimpers.

“Eren I can’t help useless you tell me what’s wrong. Did you have a nightmare?” I shake my head no. “Do you hurt?” I nod my head in the affirmative.

“I’ll go get you some medicine, I’ll be right back okay?” Another nod.

I’m not sure how long Hanji was gone, it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, but time passes differently when you’re in pain. When they finally came back with a bottle of pills and a cup of what looked like juice I had more or less stopped crying, but the whimpering had increased.

“Eren I need you to sit up okay? I’ll help, but it’s going to hurt alright?” A nod was too much to manage so I just whimpered again, but that must have been good enough for them because they approached the bed. They set one knee on the bed as they leaned forward, grabbing me around the shoulders and pulling me up with them, the process was excruciating and slow and I cried out several times, but eventually I was in a hunched upright position.

They handed me two pills, but held onto the cup. I tossed the pills into my mouth and reached for the cup, but instead of them handing it to me they held the cup up to my lips to let me drink. I swallowed the pills down with orange juice and they took the cup away and set it on the dresser.

“It will take about an hour for the meds to kick in but in the mean while just try and rest, I’ll be back to check on you later.” They helped me lay back and get comfortable, then they left. This was a rather hellish way to start my new beginning, but I guess the only place to go when you've hit rock bottom is up. Things get worse before they get better, right?

And the thought of having to go to the school just made me hurt even more, I didn't know thoughts could be so painful. I wonder if I could just ask Hanji to go to the school for me. I hope these meds start working soon because this was unbearable. My back and legs hurt the most out of everything else, but my stomach was a close second and I felt like my head was about to split open. I had never hated anyone in my life, I may have had a strong dislike of a certain individual, but never hate. That was until right now because if this wasn't a burning hatred for Zackary I didn't know what was, and I knew that I was going to make sure he never saw the light of day again, and if he did it would be through the metal bars of a prison cell. I didn't care what I had to do, even if it meant I had to sell my soul to the devil himself I was going to make Zackary's life a living hell. My hatred helped take my focus away from the physical pain, and the way I saw it any distraction was a good distraction.

I'm not entirely sure what medicine Hanji gave me, but it was very efficient, I could barely feel a thing after about forty minutes or so and I drifted off to sleep again, my last thought being that pain changes you, and I'm not sure if it's always for the better.

When I awoke a few hours later the pain was still relatively low so I decided I would get up and try to get stuff done while I had the chance. The first thing I did was get my bag out of the closet. I pulled everything out and set it on the bed. I had four outfits and two pairs of pajamas, which meant I would have to go to Zackary’s house to get clothing since he wouldn’t be there. The next thing I did was count how much money I had, I had been saving for close to a year now and since Zackary usually bought everything, I had no need to spend any money, and it came just short of ten grand, which when you thought about it wasn’t a lot of money, not when the cost of living by yourself was so expensive. I had to find a place to stay, I would need furniture, I would need necessities like food, and a form of transportation. I hadn’t realized just how bleak my situation was until now and I started to get teary eyed again.  _What the hell was I going to do? Zackary took everything from me._  But then I realized that crying about the cards life decided to deal me would get me nowhere. I was not going to feel sorry for myself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I feel better, but I also don't because I have to place a TRIGGER WARNING for this chapter. Anyway this is were things start to pick up story line wise. Enough of me rambling, on with the chapter.

It has been a little more than a month since I had heard anything about Zackary and I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, but I couldn’t worry about that right now because I was busy moving boxes. I had just gotten my own place, it was a small apartment maybe twenty minutes from work or thirty minutes from school, but since I had gotten a motorcycle, it wouldn’t be an issue. The apartment that I’m staying in as well as being small is rather run down. The bricks on the side and back of the building are covered in graffiti, the elevator no longer works so you are forced to take the old and rusty stairs to whatever floor you live on, and there’s this weird odor that’s like a mix of rotten eggs and paint. The carpet throughout the building which at one point might have been a dark green looked more brown that this point. Some of the walls also had mildew stains. But this was all I can afford for the time being. I had gotten a second job, but even with that I was going to be cutting it close with my finances because even though I don’t have any tuition fees, this run-down apartment was still eight hundred dollars a month, then there was the payments I had to make on my bike, those were one-fifty a month, then there was food. I let out a sigh. I had already spent almost four thousand dollars, between this place, a down payment on my bike, a twin-sized mattress and just a mattress because a box frame was too expensive, a small couch, and a table with two chairs. I had bought two sets of table wear, I bought two sets of sheets, and plenty of cleaning supplies because while the rest of the apartment may be disgusting I would never be able to live in something like this. Then there was the last thing that I bought that I kept on my persons at all times, and I prayed to God I would never actually need to use it.

After moving all the boxes and bags inside and setting everything by the door I found the bags with the cleaning supplies. The first thing I did was get the breathing mask and put it on so I didn’t have to worry about breathing all the harsh chemicals I was going to have to use, then I got a bandana to cover my hair, and lastly I put on a pair of rubber gloves so the chemicals didn’t damage my skin. I start with the walls, wiping them down thoroughly with a damp rag that had a cleaning solution on it. Next was the kitchen, scrubbing the outside and inside of the cabinets, wiping the counters, cleaning the inside of the fridge and freezer, and sweeping and mopping the floor. Then onto the bathroom, which made me want to gag with how bad it smelled, even if I was wearing a mask the smell was just that strong and potent, cleaning the toilet and tub along with the sink and mirrors. And lastly was the bedroom, and the only thing I needed to do in there since I had already cleaned the walls was vacuum. After vacuuming the bedroom and living room I elected to put everything away now so I wouldn’t have to worry about it later. I set the table and chairs up in the small dining room like area. I moved the beige couch to the far wall in the living room and moved to put the cleaning supplies away in the kitchen as well as the two set of table wear. I pushed the mattress in to the bedroom and put the light purple sheets I had bought on the bed. Walking back out into the living I grabbed my bags of clothes and brought those into my room too. I didn’t have a dresser so my clothing stayed in my suitcases. Lastly I opened all of the windows to air the place out. Thankfully since it was mid-spring the weather wasn’t too cold and there was a nice breeze blowing through the place. I was opening the last window when my stomach growled, I let out a sigh because I had no food in here, not yet anyway, I was going to go grocery shopping tomorrow, but in the meantime there was nothing. Looked like I was going out for dinner, thank God today was Saturday because if I had to go to classes tomorrow I would probably cry.

I was approaching my parking space that held my dark blue motorcycle when I thought I heard footsteps behind me. I spun around and was met with the sight of an empty parking lot. My heart was beating rapidly as I looked around, but still nothing. I had become paranoid when I was by myself, I would admit that, and I was glad that I had started to gain weight and that Hanji convinced me to take some martial arts classes, Krav Maga to be more specific, it was better when dealing with real life situations because let’s be honest the odds of you being able to use fancy karate techniques in an alley is unrealistic. I turned around getting on my bike, I put my helmet on, and turned my bike on before pulling out of my spot. I pulled up in front of the local diner known as Maria’s Place. Walking inside I was seated immediately by an enthusiastic, short, blonde haired, blue eyed beauty named Krista.

“So can I start you off with a drink?” she asked in an upbeat tone.

“Yes can I have some orange juice?”                                   

“Sure, I’ll be back momentarily.” She put a menu down on the table in front of me and walked away. However I didn’t even bother looking at the menu, I was too busy being absorbed in my thoughts. I was finally done being dependent, I was finally in my own place, I finally had my own vehicle, school was finally almost over, and even though all of those were positive things I was more concerned with the situation with Zackary. I still hadn’t heard anything about him or what was going on with him _. Has he been in prison this whole time? Did he plead guilty or not? What if Zackary didn't plead guilty though? What if I had to testify against him? What if I lost against him? Would he be a free man while I had to constantly look over my shoulder?_ I hope to God that's not the case because I would probably die, either figuratively, or if I was unlucky enough it would be literally, I highly doubt Zackary appreciated what I did to him and he knows how to hold a grudge. I have no doubt in my mind that if he wasn't put in prison he would come after me no matter what it took and that terrified me because at that point he wouldn’t care if he spent the rest of his days in prison, so long as I paid for betraying him.

Krista came back with my drink and asked if I was ready to order to which I responded with a simple, “Yes I am.”

“Well what can I get for you then?”

“Can I have two pancakes with a side of bacon and scramble eggs please?”

“Of course, anything else before I go?”

“No, that will be all.” And with that she was off. When she came back with my food I dug into it hungrily. It just now occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten at all today and I was famished, when living with Zackary just one or two small meals a day was normal, but while living with Hanji they forced me to eat three well balanced meals a day so I would gain some weight and stop looking so pale and skeletal. I was done eating in a shockingly short amount of time, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Once done with paying for my bill I headed by to my new “house”, but I don’t want a house I want a “home”. Somewhere I look forward to being at the end of the day. Walking inside I did a quick look through of my apartment, another side effect of my paranoia. Positive that everything was clear I opted to take my shower a head to bed early.

~

_What the hell is ringing? Is that my phone? Why the hell is my phone ringing in my dreams? Wait, my dreams? I’m sleeping… I need to wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!_

I shot up in bed searching for my phone. I found it quickly, swiping my finger across the accept call button and held to phone up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Yes I’d like to speak to an Eren Jaeger.”

“I’m Eren Jaeger, who's is this?”

“Good morning Mr. Jaeger, I’m Chief Pixis at the Shinganshina Police Department, I would like to speak to you immediately regarding a Zackary Lee.” My blood ran cold.

“Umm, of course, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“I’ll see you then, good bye.”

“Bye.” When I heard the click of the line disconnecting I took a deep breath in and on the exhale I released a shrill scream, and I continued to scream until my throat was raw. I then immediately dialed Hanji.

[Levi’s POV]

Hanji was in the middle of a sentence when their phone rang. When they looked to see who it was their cheery expression changed to a more serious one. They picked up and I heard someone on the other line, it sounded like they were shouting and speaking rather quickly too.

“Eren, Eren calm down. What’s wrong?” they asked in a calming matter.  _Eren, huh? What’s wrong with the brat now?_

“Wha- who?... He did?... What did he say?... Okay I’ll be right there, I’m on my way.” Erwin and I exchanged a quick glance as Hanji hung up.

“Hey guys I have to go, I’m sorry about this, but we’ll catch up some other time, yeah? I’m sorry about breakfast. I’ll call you guys later.” And with that they rushed off.

“Of fucking course that damn brat had to ruin this. What the fuck is his  _problem_? Honestly?” I said in exasperation.

Erwin sighed, “Levi, you’re taking this too personally again.”

“Shut the fuck up Shitwin.” I gritted out between clenched teeth. “He’s the one who keeps ruining things, not me.”

“You make it seem as if we can’t hang out with Hanji another time.”

“Well every time we do finally get a chance to sit and talk with Hanji  _he_  always finds a way to ruin it.” I crossed my arms over my chest, “I’m going to find out what the deal with the brat is, even if I have to force it out of him myself.”

“Levi I don’t really thin-” But I had already stood and tossed some money onto the table and started walking away. I was tired of this brat and all his shit. When I call Hanji later I’ll invite her to a party and I’ll be sure to mention Eren, I’ll tell her to bring him along after all it does sound like he could use a break, it will be courteous of me. At least I hope that’s how it will come across instead of nefarious. I got in my car and drove home.

[Eren’s POV]

Hanji and I were currently sitting in the Chief of Police’s office waiting for him to tell us what this was about. I was anxious beyond belief, all of those bad habits that you develop when you’re younger and eventually grow out of, I was doing those. Biting my nail, tugging at my hair, only this was more severe seeing as how I had already managed to bite all of my nails off and was pulling my hair so much I was pulling my hair out. Five minutes had passed and Hanji was trying futilely to calm me down. I’m honestly surprised that when the Chief finally came in that I didn’t jump out of my skin.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” His deep, but strangely gentle voice said.

“No problem.” Hanji quickly responded, I doubt they would let me say much for the time being.

“I’m Chief of Police Dot Pixis.” He held his hand out for us to shake.

“I’m Hanji Zoe and this is Eren Jaeger.”

“And you’re relation to Mr. Jaeger is…?” I’m not sure what he thought we were, and his face held all his confusion, though I get the feeling that he’s not the type to show his emotions to just anyone.

“Oh, I’m his best friend and manager.”

“Ahh.” He sat behind his large dark brown oak wood desk, “Well, shall we get started?”

“Yes that would probably be good.”

“So the judge did not allow Mr. Lee to post bail so he has remained in our custody. Unfortunately he is pleading not guilty and I’m afraid that you’ll have to testify against him in court.” I tried to take a deep breath before I asked my question, but it was more of a wheeze than anything else, and after licking my lips several times I asked, “So when is the court date?” I was happily surprised when I found that my voice didn’t waver like I thought it would.

“Well, it would be soon, maybe within a week or two. You’ll have to testify along with Mr? Ms? Zoe here.

"Just call me Hanji." Hanji said speaking up. I understand Chief Pixis' confusion, because I still can't tell what sex they are. Not that it matters of course, but my curiosity wouldn't leave it alone. Though curiousity killed the cat, but satisfaction did bring it back, so you know, anyway.

"Yes well, Hanji, the photos that you took should be quite useful with the case against Mr. Lee. However even though we have those photos, we have no physical evidence that it was Mr. Lee who caused the bruises and lacerations, that and the fact that it is only you and Hanji who knew of the incidents that occurred, if there were other people who knew of this, or even suspected something was wrong then we might have a solid case, but without those other people I’m not sure.”

“But that’s ridiculous, Zackary never let me leave the house unless it was to go to school or work, no one was ever going to know and Hanji only knows by accident.”

“Mr. Jaeger can I ask you why you didn’t tell anyone else?”

_Why?_

And suddenly I was lying on the floor in the tub with ice cold water running over me, yet again bruised and bleeding. “ _Why? I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. Please, I didn’t mean it._ ” I was breathlessly babbling incoherently to Zackary.  _What did I do? I don’t remember messing up today, so why? Why is he beating me?_

“ _Who were you talking to today, huh?_ ” Zackary asked, venom dripping from his every word.  _Talking? What did he mean? I always talk to people, was he referring to someone specific?_

“ _I don’t understand, I don’t know. Please, I’m sorry._ ” He reached down and grabbed a handful of my hair, he pulled it causing me to scream, this was early enough in our relationship that I hadn’t learned how not to make a sound when he cause me pain. My cry of agony only infuriated him further, so he did the most logical thing there was to do, he hit me again.

“ _Who were they? Your other boyfriends? Are you a slut now, huh? Answer me!_ ”

“ _I don-_ “ The realization of who Zackary was talking about hit me almost as hard as he was hitting me, Jean and Marco, he said they, he must mean them, but why would that be his first assumption? “ _No they’re just friends, they were just walking with me, I promise, I’m sorry, please._ ”

“ _And why should I believe one word that comes out of your disgusting mouth? Why would I be stupid enough to trust someone who’s selling themselves huh?_ ”

“ _Zackary I’m not, I promise, please! I won’t talk to anyone again, not anyone, not ever, please I’m sorry!_ ” I was repeating the same thing over and over again in the vain hope that he might stop, might forgive me that he might listen to what I was saying. I was losing hope that he would ever stop.

“ _Get the fuck out of the tub, I’m going out. Everything, and I do mean_ everything _will be cleaned and you will be in bed asleep by the time I get back, understood?_ ”

“ _Yes Zackary._ ”

“ _And one more thing, if you ever tell anyone about what I’m doing, I don’t care if you tell some mangy dog, if you say one word of this, I’ll kill you, and then I’ll kill them._ ”  _Was he serious? If I said anything would he kill the people I call my friends?_ The thought of him hurting Armin and Mikasa flashed through my mind and it made me sick.

He left after that, thank God. I heard the front door close and I started to cry, big ugly heart-wrenching sobs. I very quickly warmed myself up since I was almost numb from the cold water. I then proceeded to do exactly as he told me, I didn’t think I could clean that fast, but I suppose if your life depends on it you can do all sorts of things.

He got home about an hour later, drunk off his ass. He had to stagger to bed, and the sound of him clomping through the house woke me up.

“ _Zackary?_ ” I sat up rubbing the sleeping from my eye.

“ _I thought I told you to be asleep._ ” But with how drunk he was his words slurred together so it sounded more like ‘I thau I tol u ta be asee.’ It was laughable really, though I did refrain from doing such.

“ _I was, but you woke me._ ” I yawned and laid back down; he must not have liked the fact that I was disregarding him though, and I didn’t expect what he would do next. He walked, or stumbled rather to my side of the bed before climbing on top of me and pinning me there.

“ _Who said you could go to bed?_ ” he asked the alcohol smell oozing from his mouth with every syllable he uttered. “ _I thought whores had to be awake to entertain customers._ ” My eyes widened at what he had just insinuated.

“ _Zackary I’m not a whore. Please get off._ ” I was quiet and didn’t make eye contact.

“ _No, you’re going to entertain me._ ”

“ _Please, I need to go to bed I have class in the morning._ ” I was squirming underneath him, but he was bigger and had successfully immobilized me.

“ _I said no._ ”

That was the first night he had ever forced himself on me, and throughout the whole ordeal he kept muttering things like, “You’ve been a bad boy Eren.”, or, “Do you like that Eren, huh, do you like that you little slut?” the way he said my name made my skin crawl, because it wasn’t my name, it couldn’t be my name. “Eren, Eren, Eren, Eren.” over and over again.

“Er…Ere…en…EREN!”

_Why?_

_Why was I being shaken? Was it Zackary? Why did his voice sound strange? No not Zackary, it was Hanji, but why was Hanji shaking me?_

My eyes snapped open and I had to wait a moment for my eyes to adjust so I could see what was happening. I, apparently, had curled up into a ball by the Chief’s desk, started crying and hyperventilating. When I was finally completely aware of what was happening around me I found the chief, Hanji, and one other person huddled around me.

“Eren? Can you hear me, are you here?” I weakly nodded my head.

“What happened?” my voice sounded hoarse.

“You had a panic attack. You collapsed and kept muttering how you were sorry. When I tried approaching you and grabbed your shoulders you lost it. You said some… uh, well you said some things.” They were hesitating on what they wanted to say which made me anxious about what I could have said, though if it was that memory I can only imagine.

Chief Pixis cleared his quietly throat giving me a pitying look before he asked me, “Mr. Jaeger, did Mr. Lee ever sexually assault you?” I didn’t want to answer that; that would be humiliating. I threaded my fingers through the front of my hair and started tugging on them. I was shaking when I decided that talking would be too much effort and just nodded instead, but I didn’t stop there. I continued to nod and sob and pull my hair. I didn’t want to think about this anymore, I didn't want to be here anymore.

“Eren. Hey Eren. Look at me sweetie, you’re right here okay? You’re right here with me, and I promised that I’d always protect you right?” another nod, but at least I had stopped shaking and my crying was more breathing heavily than anything.

“Good, you’re okay, you’re fine. You don’t have to talk about, or think about what Zackary did, okay?” They pulled me into a hug and I, more or less, calmed completely.

“Chief Pixis, I think it would be best if just you and I talked about this on a later date. I need to get him home. We’ll have to leave his motorcycle here until later.” I rose clinging onto Hanji like they were my lifeline. We quickly left the station and got in Hanji’s car. We got to Hanji’s house and Hanji helped me upstairs to my former room. I curled up into another ball while they rubbed my back and sung me a lullaby. I slowly drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 500 HITS! 50 KUDOS! 10 BOOKMARKS! AHHH! I'm estatic, like you guys have know idea, Thank you for taking time out of you days to read something that I thought no one would ever want to read, like seriously. Okay, I think I'm good now, but really though, thanks a million.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter number eight, yay... I'm not completely sure where I'm going with this story line just yet so I guess we'll all just have to wait and see. Anyway, go read this chapter I guess.

Today was the day of Zackary’s trial and I was just about ready to shit my pants. My hands were all clammy and my nails have been nothing more than nubs for about a week now. I was steadily pacing with Hanji watching me with a worried expression on their face.

“Eren sit down, you’re going to give yourself another panic attack if you keep stressing like this.” They pat the seat next to them for emphasis.

“Of course I’m stressing! Why on earth wouldn’t I? This could be the start or end of my life, don’t you understand that?”

“Okay, come here.” They held out their hands for me to take and I obliged. “Are you looking at me?”

“Yes.”

“Good, are you listening to me?”

“Yes.” I say along with a nod.

“Then listen well because I’m not going to say this again.” They took a deep breath before starting again, “No matter what happens, whether Zackary is imprisoned or not, life continues, the clock keeps ticking, and the world keeps turning. If he’s arrested then that’s great, but on the happen chance that he’s not you have to keep living, don’t shut down and cry if things don’t go the way you want them to.”

I stared incredulously at them, did they really just tell me in get over myself and stop acting like a baby? Because that’s what it sounded like, just more polite with more words.

“Whether or not he’s imprisoned? If he’s not I’m dead, I hope you realize that, I also hope you realize that you totally just jinxed me.”  I opened my mouth to tell them that they were going to have to keep me stable through this process when the doors opened and an official came out saying that we were to go take our seats. I took a deep breath and grabbed Hanji’s hand walking inside with them.

To be quite honest I completely zoned-out, I didn’t pay attention to a single thing that was said and when it came time for me to go up to testify it was like running on autopilot. I just talked in an emotionless stupor of sorts, I tried paying attention when Hanji spoke, but to no avail. For three hours I thought of everything and nothing, no thought stayed long enough for me to think about it too long, but I do remember having the thought. It wasn’t until the break so the jury could decide whether Zackary was guilty or not that I finally snapped out of my daze.

“Hanji?” she responded with a humming sound. “How is the trial going so far?”

They looked at me curiously for a moment, “Haven’t you been paying attention?” I shook my head no and they just sighed.

“Honestly Eren, I don’t know. I… I just don’t know, it could go either way I think.” That didn’t reassure me like I hoped it would. I took a shuddering breath. If the jury didn’t come to a decision soon this would be postponed until tomorrow and I honestly don’t think I could deal with that, I was already having conniptions and it hasn't even been that long, I could only imagine what I would do if I had to wait twenty-four hours. And didn’t have to because about ten minutes later we were called back in. The fact that we were only paused for an hour concerned me because it meant one of two things, either they decided almost immediately that he was guilty, or they decided almost immediately that he wasn’t guilty and I was praying that it was the former. This part I actually paid attention to because this would be the deciding factor of my life.

“How do you find the defendant?” I held my breath.

“We find the defendant…” I was clenching my fists so hard my knuckles turned white, “…not guilty.”

I went numb, my emotions just vanished, I let my breath out on a shaky sob. Hanji fucking jinxed me, I was just kidding when I said it earlier, but now I can officially blame this fucked up outcome on them, though I probably won’t.  _What do I do now? Zackary is a free man, do I go into hiding? No of course not, if he wants me he’ll have to fight me, and this time I’ll be ready. If I lose, I die. If I win, I live. If I don't fight, I can't win._ It was a simple as that, my resolution was set. I looked up to meet Zackary eyes. They burned with triumph, he thought he had won, but if he thought I was going to make this easy then the joke was on him. Heaven would fall and Hell would raise before I would bow down to him again. He was in for a surprise, and I let him know such by giving him a smile, a cruel and calculating smile. Upon seeing my smile he paused, then he have a smirk in return before turning his back on me.

“Eren come on let’s go.” Hanji said tugging lightly on my arm.

“Yeah, let’s go.” We were walking out and when we turned to the left to exit the building I turned my head slightly to see Zackary staring intently at me before I lost sight of him.

“Do you want to go out to eat?”

“What? Oh, sure lunch sounds good right now.” We climbed into Hanji’s car and backed out of our parking space.

“Where do you want to eat?”

“How about Noodles and Company?”

“Sure.”

We were seated at a table by the window with our food sitting untouched in front of us, staring silently at one another.

“Are you going to be okay?” Hanji finally asked.

“Of course I am.” Was my quick response, and I was, I would be just fine. I would be more than fine.

“You’re not reacting how I thought you would.” they said honestly.

“And how exactly did you expect me to react?”

“I… I’m not sure, but just not this calm, it’s rather unsettling.”

“Me being calm is unsettling?” They hesitated before replying with, “It’s not the fact that you’re calm, it’s the  _type_  of calm you are. Like the way it’s calm in the eye of a hurricane, or the still of an animal who’s going in for the kill. I didn’t want you to be hysterical, but I’m not sure this is any better.”  _Going in for the kill huh? I’m not planning on killing Zackary, but I will admit that if it comes to that I most definitely will._

“I’ll be fine Hanji, no need to worry.” And that was the end of the conversation. I said grace before eating, it was a habit from when my mom was alive. We would go to church every Sunday and then we would go out and get ice cream, but after she died that obviously didn’t happen anymore. Saying grace before meals was what we did in my house growing up, and I do it every time I eat as a way of remembering her.

Hanji watched me the whole time we ate and it was becoming bothersome. We were about halfway done eating when Hanji’s phone rang.

“Hello?” they said in a sing song manner.

“Oh, hey Levi. Listen I’m out right now, do you think I could call you back later?... Yeah, sure anyway, seriously I have to go… Okay, bye.”

We finished eating in peace after that. We arrived at Hanji’s house and said our goodbyes. I got on my motorcycle and drove home, since I refused to tell Hanji where I live since they would most definitely never have let me move out, I rode here early this morning.

Walking in the front door, I locked the door behind me, then I checked my tiny apartment, and then I double checked it because I was taking no risks now that I knew Zackary was roaming around, even though the trial was only maybe an hour ago my paranoia just wouldn't allow me to do anything else until this was done. It was only three so I figured it would be best to finish up my school work. Even though I took today off I still had classes tomorrow and I didn’t want to fall behind this close to the end of the year. Finals were in two week and then I was done till this fall. I had almost completed my fourth year, so I was about to have a Bachelor’s in Chemistry, then just two more years till I get my major. I would be done with school at that point.

When I was finished with my homework I took a shower, and not the quick and rushed type I took when living with Zackary, no I was in the shower for at least thirty minutes. I would just like to say that it was amazing because even though I haven’t been under the same roof as Zackary in a month and a half it was just as nice this time as it was the first time I took a long shower without having to worry about him. I wasn’t hungry when dinner time rolled around so I didn’t eat anything before going to bed. I hated the fact that I had to practically sleep on the floor, but this would just have to do for now. I was contemplating my future for maybe half an hour before sleep finally claimed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ignore my first note because I'm retarded and incoherent. Anyway I posted an April Fool's Day one shot because, why not?  
> Thank you again for all the hits and kudos and bookmarks, it really does brighten my day.  
> Until next time, Pyxy out.


	9. Chapter 9

I was finally getting back on my feet, I may have had my own place before, but this was different. I felt like my life was finally moving in the direction that I wanted it to. Finals were next week then school would be done till august. I was still working two jobs, but that was the only way to sustain what little income I did have. And as for Zackary, well I haven’t seen Zackary since his trial, but I was rather unconcerned. I was still taking Krav Maga classes and there was always my fallback measure, just in case, I also got a restraining order too that way if he did ever come around I knew he would be held for violating it at the very least. I was currently finishing up my homework before I had to leave for my second job. There was my job at the pet shop on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, and on the days in between I worked evening shifts at the local diner. You know that saying the freaks come out to play late at night? Right well whoever said it wasn’t joking, a lot of the customers we get at that time of night truly are creepy, and plenty of them like to be too touchy-feely for my liking. It reminds me quite a bit of Zackary, and that is the last thing I want to think of when I’m trying to work. So far we’ve had to ask three people to leave because they kept harassing me, but if I placate them I can usually get a pretty good tip.

I hurried out the door and to my bike in my parking spot. I quickly got on and headed to work which was about a ten minute drive from my crappy apartment building. The weather outside was getting warmer so even though it was almost eight it was still relatively warm, soon I wouldn’t need to wear a jacket while riding at night. I was sitting at a traffic light when a car pulled up beside me, I checked out the car in the corner of my eye, but I didn’t expect to see Zackary in the passenger seat of the car. I thanked my lucky stars that you couldn’t see my face through my helmet. Zackary looked so casual, so at ease, like he didn’t just get out of a prison jailhouse a week ago, to be quite honest it pissed me off, and who was he driving with? I guess even though I wasn’t allowed to have friends he could, maybe that’s who’s driving, a friend of his. I couldn’t really see much of his face considering I couldn’t fully turn to look because that would be suspicious, and it was almost completely dark out. From what little I could see though the guy had black hair and it was oddly reminiscent of Jean’s, only instead of it being two-toned like Jean’s it was just black, he looked a few years older than Zackary. I think he might have had a small moustache and goatee, but that might just be the lighting, or a lack thereof. His eyes looked pretty narrow from what I could see, he also looked like he’d be a few inches taller than me, but shorter than Zackary. I was jerked out of my observation by the light turning green and I was determined to put as much distance between my motorcycle and their car as possible without breaking the speed limit, which I might end up doing anyway. When I pulled up in front of the diner I let out a sigh of relief. I got off my bike and walked inside. I worked with two other guys by the name of Reiner and Berthold, they were pretty nice and they both greeted me when I walked in.

“What up Eren?” Reiner called to me. Reiner was the shorter of the two but he was still taller than me, he has blonde hair and golden colored eyes. He’s rather heavy set with broad shoulders, and he wears a rather serious expression all the time even when he isn’t being serious.

“Good seeing you again Eren.” Berthold says from behind the counter. If I thought Reiner was tall then Berthold is colossal  **(haha get it colossal? no? sorry, nevermind)** , he has short brown hair and green eyes. Although he’s tall and that height can be rather intimidating he probably couldn’t hurt a fly, he’s what you’d call a gentle giant.

“Hey guys. How’s it going?”

“Fine.” Berthold responded.

“Good.” Reiner replied.

I went into the back and put on my apron. My paranoia had me forming a new habit, looking out the small square window of the door that separates the kitchen and back of the diner with the sitting area and front counter of the diner to see if Zackary was there, he most likely wasn’t but there was some part of me that just wanted to make sure, and he wasn’t so I walked out to start my shift.

It was around midnight when the guy I saw with Zackary came in, and I took a small second to panic, I searched around inside and outside through the large floor to ceiling windows at the front of the diner. I didn’t see him so I guess I could assume that he just wasn’t here with the guy. I was the one serving right now which meant I would have to serve him, I would have to tell him my name and if Zackary had mentioned me, even in passing it could mean trouble for me later on. I took a deep breath and walked up to his table.

“Hello sir, my name is Eren and I’ll be serving you this evening. Can I start you off with a drink?”

“Ah yes, I’ll have some coffee, lots of cream please.”

“Of course, I’ll be back momentarily.” I walked behind the counter and up to the window where the kitchen led to.

“Hey Reiner I need a coffee please.”

“Sure thing Eren.” I hadn’t paid any attention to Berthold so when he walked up behind me and tapped my shoulder I, well I freaked out, which was understandable when you thought about my past. I let out a small scream and whirled around dropping my order pad in the process. Berthold immediately stepped back with his hands raised in a non-threating way and a startled look on his face.

“Ar-are you okay? I d-didn’t mean t-to, uh, scare you?” I rushed into the back and leaned on the wall by the door, I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, my heart was racing and my breathing was shallow. I looked up to see both Reiner and Berthold standing over me.

“Hey, you okay?” Reiner asked.

“Yeah, I… you just startled me is all, I’m fine. Promise.” God I can’t believe I just did that, I need to stop freaking out every time someone approaches me, and I told myself I was going to stop saying ‘I promise’ when it came to small things like that. I wasn’t with Zackary, I didn’t need to promise anything to anyone anymore.

“Hey Reiner, is the coffee done yet?” I inquired trying to move the subject away from me.

“Probably, I’ll go check.” He walked into the kitchen leaving just Berthold and I.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Berthold asked in a hushed tone. I let out a sigh and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll be fine.” I went to stand up and Berthold leant me a hand to help pull me up.

 Walking back out I noticed that whatever-his-name-was was staring very intently at me and his brows were furrowed, whether in confusion, concentration, or what I don’t know, but it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I took the coffee pot and mug from Reiner through the small window and made my way back over to my waiting customer. Setting the cup in front of him I began to pour him his coffee, pulling almost ten of the small creamer packets out of one of the pockets on my apron.

“Ah thank you… Eren, was it?”

“Yes, Eren.”

“Right well thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Are you ready to order?”

“Yes could I please have the eggs benedict?”

“Yes, would that be all?”

“Could I also get a piece of the cherry pie with extra whipped cream? That will be it,  _for now_.” I walked away after that. The way he said ‘for now’ made my skin crawl. After I set his food down in front of him I walked into the back to hang out with Reiner while keeping an eye on my customer through the window connecting the kitchen and the area behind the counter.

After about twenty minutes of silence Reiner spoke up, “Are you okay Eren?”

I looked back at him over my shoulder. “What?”

“Are. You. Okay?” he said stressing each word.

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be?” I asked looking back out of the window. I feel a presence behind me but I knew it was Reiner so there was no need to turn back around.

“Do you know him?”

“No, but I think he knows who I am.”

“Have you ever met him before?” My mind flashed back to sitting on my bike a few hours. There was no way Zackary could have known that it was me, I had my helmet on, it was dark, he didn’t even know that I had a vehicle because I didn’t when I was with him. He couldn’t know it was me, but there was this irrational part of me that was telling me he did know.

“No, I’ve never met him before.” I answered in a monotonous voice.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“There isn’t a… I can’t tell you… I just, I think he knows me and that’s the problem.” The aforementioned guy stood up tossing money on the table then walked out the door, but not before looking over his shoulder at the door that I walked through to get to the back. I strode out door to the previously occupied table, he had thrown fifty dollars onto the table, he must know that his meal wasn’t even twenty dollars, so why give me this much? I picked the money up and discovered a napkin with writing underneath it. I held my breath and as I read it.

_“Thank you for your services Eren I look forward to you serving me again.”_

I let a shaky breath on the exhale. I didn’t realize that I had balled my hands into fists crumpling the paper in the process, and I was shaking that is until I felt a hand lightly touch my shoulder. I figured it was one of the guys but that didn’t stop me from jumping ever so slightly.

“Hey do you just want to sit in the back till your shift is over?” Berthold asked in a soft tone.

“Yeah, you seem a bit on edge.” came Reiner’s remark.

“No, I’m fine I just,” I sighed, “you know what, I think that might be a good idea.” So I sat in the back until four in the morning when my shift finally ended.

I arrived at my apartment and let out a sigh of relief. I walked through my door and bolted it behind me, checking the apartment once, twice, and then one more time for good measure. I made sure all the windows were locked. I took a quick shower and laid down, grateful that tomorrow was Saturday so I didn’t have to get up early. I stressed over the events that took place at the diner for a while before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo another chapter up, but this might be that last one till next Friday. Monday and Wednesday are going to be really busy for me and it might impact my updating, sorry in advanced if that's the case.  
> On a seperate note I'm really excited about the next few chapters, though you guys will probably hate me for it because yeah you'll just have to read to find out.  
> On another seperate note, thank you for all the kudos and hits and what-not, it really does brighten my day.  
> Until next time, Pyxy out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, but I did warn you I might not be able to post at all so I'm proud of myself for finding time to post anyway. This is also a bit of a short, but the next few chapters is when all the fun stuff happens, that you guys will probably hate me for... Anyway enough of me rambling, on with the chapter.

I was finally done with school, thank God. I was also finally settled in to my apartment, I had everything arranged exactly how I wanted. I had small knick-knacks placed around my small living space to make it more “homely”, I had pictures of Mikasa, Armin, and I hung up, but it still didn’t really feel like “home”. I was eating some pancakes that I had made when my phone rang.

“Hello?” I say around a mouthful of pancakes.

“Eren!” Hanji screamed through the phone, I pulled it away from my ear so as not to go deaf. Once they were quiet on the other end I hesitantly put the phone back up to my ear.

“Hi Hanji.”

“Eren I have a question for you.”

“I have an answer.”

“I’m going to a party later on this week, would you like to join me?”  _A party? Would that be a good idea? Though depending on where it is there is a chance I would run into Zackary, but I would be surrounded by people so there isn’t much of a risk. Right?_

“Where is it?”

“It’s at one of my friend’s house. So it would be a private get together.”  _Private? So there is no risk._

“Sure why not? When is it?”

“Does that mean you’ll come?”

“Yes I’ll come, but when is it?”

“Oh, it’s Wednesday and it doesn’t start till eight. It’s casual so don’t worry about dressing up either.”

“Alright. I’ll be at your place around seven thirty, sound good?”

“Yep! Anyway I have some stuff to do so I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, bye Hanji.”

“Bye!” the click signified that they had just hung up. I looked down at my empty plate, I would have to go grocery shopping soon. If I had enough money that is, it had been a bit tight recently, but I was used to it so I would be fine, I would make do just like always. I would make do with the food I still had, I knew how to cook after all, it was a necessity when living with Zackary, but even before then, when dad would leave for long periods of time. He would leave and there would barely be any food in the kitchen and what little there was to eat would have to be cooked, but that was okay, it was enjoyable, a hobby if you will. Whenever I was sad or depressed I would cook, or write but I haven’t done that in, well not since dad disappeared really. From then on it was only things that were necessary, school, a job after I was old enough, then college and more jobs, so I had very little free time to do something as trivial as writing, but I had to cook if I wanted to eat so at least I still get to do something I actually like. I got up sighing and put my plate and silverware in the sink so I could wash it later.

It was a Sunday so there was nothing for me to do, I didn’t have work until three and it was only ten right now. I had already finished school so there was no homework, the apartment was clean so I didn’t have to worry about that, and I didn’t have a TV. This was the first time in a while that I wouldn’t have anything to do, so after some pondering I decided I would once again pickup my notebook and write. There was nothing at first just like always, but slowly I just wrote until I was so consumed with it that it didn’t even register that I had filled five pages until I finally stopped. I looked down and stared reading my writing, the main subject was loneliness, I felt lonely, and not for the first time either, it was like my whole life was consumed with my loneliness, even when I was with other people I was like background noise, I was just part of the scenery. I was there but nobody noticed, I was like a flower, or tree, or cloud, I didn’t matter. Even when I was with Armin and Mikasa, I still felt insignificant. Or back in high school, in our group of friends, I felt like if I were to just not be there they would still be fine, I was a small and unimportant part of our group. I felt as if my life where passing me by, and all I wanted was to be at that point in life where I was happy every time I woke up, where I didn’t wish I could just stay in bed all day and waste away. It was like this hole, and neither my friends nor studies or other activities, when I actually had other things to do, could fill it. I was empty and I didn’t know what to put in to fill the hole in my heart and soul. Maybe there just wasn’t anything and I would be like this forever and I don’t think I could live with myself if I let that happen, not that I’m suicidal, at least not anymore. I’ve had my life almost taken away from me, in the literal and figurative sense, too many times for me to give up now. And while I was determined to make something of my life, determination only gets you so far, and even with my determination which direction would I have to go to get where I wanted to be? I had had enough of my writing by the third page so I decided to go take a drive. I took a brisk shower and got dressed. I grabbed my keys and phone then headed out the door. I sat on my bike and pulled my headphones out, they were the wireless Bluetooth kind. I had on my leather jacket so that’s where I put my phone, zipping up the zipper for the pocket. I put my helmet on and took off. I didn’t have a specific destination in mind, I was just riding and thinking. When I started getting low on gas maybe a little more than an hour later I was in a small rural town. I don’t exactly remember how it is I got here but I’m sure I can find my way back home. I continued on through the town looking for a gas station, but I couldn’t find one, finally I came across a small farm and decided to ask for directions. I walked up to the front door and knocked on it. I waited for a moment before hearing footsteps. A kindly looking old woman with long grey hair and green eyes opened the door, the slight breeze outside causing her blue skirt to sway.

“Hello. Can I help you with something?” her gentle voice was like honey.

“Umm, yes it would seem that I’m a bit lost and I can’t seem to find a gas station I was wondering if you could maybe tell me where to find one.”

“Ah, there’s one maybe two miles down the road, you won’t be able to miss it. It’s the only one till the next town which is about forty miles away.”

“Thank you, I’m sorry about disturbing you.”

“Oh nonsense, I wasn’t doing anything anyway.”

“Still I appreciate it.”

“Of course dear. You best be on your way before you run out of gas completely.” I turned around walking back to my bike, I waved goodbye as I continued down the road like she had said, and sure enough, about two miles later there stood a quaint little gas station. I went inside and bought snickers and twix bars, before filling up. I ate the twix first while waiting for the bike to fill up, I saved the snickers for later. Once that was done I hopped back on my motorcycle and headed back the way I came. This time however I paid attention to where I was going instead of spacing out.

By the time I made it home it was a little after two, I would have to head off to work soon. I elected to not even bother going home, I would stop and get something to eat before going to work. I stopped at Burger King even though I don’t particularly like their food, but it was on the way so why not. I arrived at the pet shop with five minutes to spare.

“Hanji! Where are you?” I called walking in the front door.

“Eren!” they replied bounding around a corner.

“How’s business today?”

“Slow, it’s so slow Eren, I’m so bored.” They said dragging out each of the o’s in their sentence.

“Do you want me to work the register then?”

“Could you? Oh that would be amazing, now I can do all of the paper work that I’m behind on.” I let out a slight chuckle.

“Alright, just let me get my uniform on.”

Hanji wasn’t kidding when they said it was slow, in the three hours I worked there was only one customer. “Alright, I’ll see you later Hanji.” I waved goodbye.

I walked through the front door and leaned up against it after I had closed it. I took another shower, this one longer and hotter than the one this morning. It wasn’t even seven but I was exhausted for some reason, more emotional than physical though. So as soon as my shower was over I got in bed, despite the fact that the sun wasn’t even done setting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arigatō! for all the bookmarks, hits and kudos, it still blows my mind that you guys even read this, but it makes me so happy!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this isn't one of my usual days but I really want to get this posted so I can put up chapter twelve tomorrow, so I hope you guys like this surprise update.

I was taking a shower getting ready to go to Hanji’s when I thought I heard a loud noise through the bathroom door. I froze, all my muscles tense. I stayed like that for five minutes before I just decided it was all in my head. I let out a soft chuckle at myself, I was letting my paranoia rule my life and I need to quit doing that. Baby steps my mother used to say, just one foot in front of the other, and that first step was getting away from Zackary, I guess getting over this is my next step. After drying myself off and getting dressed in my black skinny jeans and green shirt, I threw my leather jacket on and headed out the door. I pulled up into Hanji’s driveway to see Hanji running out of their door.

“Eren! I was just about to call to see where you were.”

“Hey Hanji. You ready to go?”

“Almost.”

“Ah, well I’m here anyway.”

They went back into their house and I followed.

“We’ll leave in about half an hour since it’s only seven forty.”

“Okay.”  I went into the kitchen and got myself some water before heading to the living room and sitting down on the couch.

“So, how are you holding up?” Hanji asked sitting beside me.

“Fine, just trying to stay busy, I’ve been pretty bored recently. Hey maybe you could give me more hours. I mean I work full shifts at the diner, but not at the pet shop.”

“Hmm, I’ll see what I can do, sound good?”

“Yeah that sounds great.”

“I’ll be right back I need to go upstairs and getting ready.” They hop up and rush towards the stairs. I let out a sigh, _I hope Hanji finds a position at the pet shop for me then I’ll have something to fill my time, aside from being by myself that is._  I shake my head at myself, I can’t believe I’m complaining, it’s not like I haven’t been worse off. I’ve had bigger problems than just being bored. But I wanted to stay away from negative thoughts,  _I’m going to a party so I should be excited, or something_.

“Hey Eren, I just got a call from my friend, he’s wondering why I’m not there yet so we’ll head out now instead of waiting.” They said coming down the stairs before eventually stopping in front of me on the couch. I got up and followed Hanji outside. They got into their car and turned it on. I jogged to the other side before sliding into the car as well.

“So who’s this friend? You never actually told me their name.”

“Oh, sorry. His name is Levi, we’ve been friends since forever. Also, he’s not the… friendliest person, so don’t take anything he says too personally.”

“Um, okay? I guess.”  _If he wasn’t friendly then why throw a party? How much sense did that make?_

It was a rather short drive to Levi’s house, maybe ten minutes, but in that small amount of time it looked like two different worlds. It was more like a mansion than a house, it looked like you could fit two maybe three of Hanji’s house inside this one, and that was saying something because Hanji’s house was huge.

“Woah, this place is  _amazing_.” I remarked.

“Huh? Oh yeah, Levi is kind of loaded. If you can believe it this actually one of the smaller places he’s lived over the years.”

“Smaller?!” I asked, looking wide-eyed at them. I couldn’t even picture how big something else would be.

Hanji drove right up to the front of the place, as we got closer I could see that there were valets. Hanji and I both got out, Hanji gave their keys to someone who was dressed in a white button down shirt, black slacks, and a black vest. Hanji grabbed my hand, dragging me inside to the foyer. There were what looked to be at least a hundred people already here. My jaw dropped to the floor as I took in my surroundings, from the large crystal chandelier, the two stair cases that led up to the second floor, the marble pillars on either side of room. We continued walking through the crowd, stopping when we reached an area that looked like it could be the living room. There were cream colored couches in the light red room there was a gigantic fireplace on the right wall.

“Levi!” Hanji screeched, darting off to go hug someone. That someone was wearing dark blue jeans and a tight-fitting gray shirt. He was very short, like shorter than Hanji short, and his black hair was styled in an undercut. I let them have their moment while I continued to look around the immaculately clean room.

“Eren!” Hanji called, gesturing for me to come over, which I did.

“Eren this is Levi, Levi this is Eren. Oh and this is Erwin.” They said patting the back of someone who looked strikingly similar to Captain America, except for the eyebrows which were huge, seriously huge.

“Hello Eren, nice to meet you.” Erwin said stretching his hand out for me to shake he had a very strong grip too.

“Yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” I felt this obscene need to be formal around him, and I’m not entirely sure where it came from.

“It’s nice to meet you as well Levi.” I said facing him. It was then that I noticed his eyes, they were a light grey color, his eyes were also very narrow under a set of perfectly groomed and thin eyebrows, but his eyes weren’t even looking in my direction. His voice was smooth and deep like velvet, and it sent shivers down my spine.

He made this weird clicking noise with his tongue, crossing his arms, “I suppose it’s nice to meet you as well brat.”

I felt my face being tugged into a frown.  _What is his problem? And who is he to call me a brat when he doesn’t even know me?_  “I’m not a brat, and I have a name which Hanji just told you.” I said defensively.

“Oh, don’t worry Eren. Levi calls everyone a brat.” Hanji said draping their arm across his shoulder.

“Hanji, remove your arm before I do it for you.” Levi said in a cold voice that had me taking a couple of involuntary steps back. The way he said it reminded me of the way Zackary would threaten me and I guess my natural reaction was to put space between the two of us. Hanji noticed this and quickly came to stand by my side, and rubbing my back, but they weren’t the only one to notice, both Levi and Erwin gave me strange looks.

“Hey, you’re okay. He was just joking.” Hanji said speaking so only the two of us could hear what they said. I nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, I just,” I sighed and bowed my head, “yeah, I know.” They gave me a hug, and I would have been embarrassed by it if not for the fact that I was more shaken up then I originally thought. A minute had passed in silence when they asked, “Are you okay now?” I nodded my head, not trusting my voice at the time. They pulled away from me and gave me a slight smile.

“Alright, I’m going to go get a drink. Do you want anything?”

“Just some water please.”

“Okay.” They replied walking away. I was left alone with Levi and Erwin, and it was a bit tense and awkward.

[Levi’s POV]

“So Eren,” Erwin said, “why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself.”

“Like what?” he asked. I was curious about what he was going to say, maybe then I could find out what has me on edge about the brat.

“Well where do you work, or do you go to school, or what’s your favorite color? Anything really.”

He hesitated for a moment before speaking, “Well I work at the pet shop with Hanji, but I also have another job at Maria’s diner. I go to school, but I’m on summer break so no school till august. And my favorite color is black.” Another pause, “So what about you guys, what do you do for work?”

“Well, I’m a firefighter.” Erwin responded.

“Cool, and you?” Eren asked turning his gaze to me. I hadn’t really been paying attention to the brat before so when I looked at him and saw his eyes it caught me a bit off guard because damn they were gorgeous. They were like a mix of green and blue or something, but it looked like there were also flecks of gold around the irises, and they were large and they kind of just pulled you in. They were breathtaking. But he asked me a question that I should probably answer, I shook my head slightly, “I’m the owner of Scout electronics.” I didn’t think his eyes could get any bigger but they did.

“Really? That’s awesome.” He said rather excitedly bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“So,” Erwin once again spoke up drawing Eren’s attention back to him, “How long have you known Hanji?”  _Ah yes, finally getting to the important questions._

“Well,” he said looking up briefly as if the answer to the question was on my ceiling, “I’ve known them for almost four years, but we only became friends a little less than two years ago.”

“Why only two years ago if you knew them for four?” Erwin asked.

“Well, I um, it ju-”

“Why don’t you remember how to talk first brat, then answer.” I snapped out in annoyance, his reluctance to answer the question though had my interests peaked.

“I’m sorry it won’t happened again, I pro- I mean, I’m sorry.” With each word he had said he voice dropped and he scrunched in on himself, like he was trying his damnedest to disappear.

“It’s fine.” Erwin said with nonchalance, others might not have noticed how he was trying to put the brat at ease with such a small phrase, but he has this thing like he can emit a certain aura to make others feel certain things, he can put on someone on edge or at ease and anything in between with just a few words, and I still haven’t figured out how he does it not even after all these years.

“Really?” he asked the hesitance clear in his tone. Erwin nodded his head, but something must have caught his eye because he turned his head slightly to the right.

“Ah Nile, glad you could make it.” Nile came over to stand by Erwin and as soon as Eren saw him he tensed up again. I raised an eyebrow at him, not that he saw it or anything his eyes were glued to Nile.

“Eren, this here is Nile, he’s a good friend and coworker of mine. Nile this is Eren, a friend of Hanji’s.”

“Nice to meet you Eren.” Nile said giving the brunette a smile. At this point Eren was as white as a sheet, which I hadn’t thought possible when you think about how dark his tanned skin is.

“Umm yeah it’s um, n-nice to meet you as well, but I just realized I have to go find Hanji, I’ll um, be back.” He said. Turning on his heel and rushing in the direction Hanji had gone off to. Erwin and I exchanged a small glance, he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. This only made me more suspicious of the brat so I followed him, pushing my way through people looking for that annoying tall boy. I found him but it was obvious that he was lost. He kept turning in circles like he would be able to see Hanji through the thick crowd of people. His back was turned to me, and I grabbed his arm to get his attention when he damn near jumped to the ceiling and screamed, the people around us became quiet looking in our direction to see what happened. He calmed more or less once he saw that it was me but he was still tense. I pulled him over to a quiet hallway so I could talk to him without an audience, I didn’t need a spectacle, I had appearances to keep after all.

“What are you doing you stupid brat?” He cringed and tried unsuccessfully to pull away from me.

“I was just looking for Hanji.” I could barely hear him considering how quietly he had responded, and his voice was so small that I couldn’t hear the second thing he had said.

“What?” I snapped out at him, but that was when he snapped though. He sank down to the floor, and I had no choice but to relinquish my hold on him. He pushed himself up against the wall and began to sob. I didn’t know what to do, so I left him and went to find Hanji, confident that no one would accidently stumble across him. And I found them after about a minute of searching.

“Hanji, you need to go fix your brat.” I said in exasperation.

“What? Why? He was fine when I left him.”

“Right well he’s not fine now, so go fix him. He’s crying in a hallway.” That must have gotten their attention.

“Show me.” So I led them back to sobbing mess of a boy in my hallway.

“Oh Eren.” I heard them mutter. They sat down next to him pulling him into a tight hug.

“Eren? Eren can you hear me? Where are you right now?” They asked in a soothing voice, as if they were speaking to a child. It was an interesting process watching Hanji talk to the boy. Watching and listening to them talk the boy out of whatever this was.

“Eren, I need you to come back okay? Can you do that for me?” a small nod on his part.

“Good, I’m right here okay? I promised that I would always be right here. Nothing can hurt you while I’m here okay?”

“Okay.” was his meek reply. They helped him stand up before giving him another hug. He buried his head in the crook of their neck which was amusing to see, seeing as how he was taller than they were.

“Levi, what happened? Did you say or do something, did someone else do something?” they asked turning their head since Eren was still hugging them.

 _What did they mean by that?_  “After you left Erwin and I were just talking to him. Then Nile comes over and he looks like he just saw a ghost. Nile starts talking to him, and after stuttering out some bullshit excuse about needing to find you dipshit here got lost, so I pulled him over to this hallway, he then proceeds to have a fucking break down on the floor.”

“You grabbed him?” a puzzling tone to their voice.

“Yeah, the kid damn near came out of his skin too.”

“Damn it Levi, why do you always have to be so- so you?” they were angry now, but I didn’t understand why. Eren must not have like that though seeing as how he started whimpering. Hanji’s tone immediately softened as they whispered things in Eren’s ear.

“Eren and I are going to head out now. I’ll call you later.” I stood rooted in place, completely dumbfounded as Hanji walked away with one arm around Eren’s waist and the other rubbing his arm as he clung tightly to them. I didn’t understand how they could walk like that but that was the last thing on my mind. I quickly made my way back to Erwin telling him that we needed to talk. Erwin politely excused himself from our friends, well his friends mostly, and followed me, once alone I explained to him what happened.

“I’m not sure what it is you want me to say Levi. From what you told me it sounds like you messed up and Hanji got mad  _because_  you messed.”

“But I didn’t do anything, there was absolutely no need for him to react like that.” was my angry response.

“This, Levi, is what I meant when I said you were acting strange, but now I’m concerned, not amused. It sounds like you caused Eren to have a breakdown, the whys on why he would have a breakdown are irrelevant, that’s why Hanji is mad, and you’re going to have to do a lot of groveling to get back into their good graces, that incudes making it up to Eren.”

“Whatever. I have a party to host. We’ll finish talking about this later.” I stalked off after that.

[Eren’s POV]

I decided to stay the night at Hanji’s house, I was far too tired to try and go home.

“Are you sure you’re okay Eren?”

“Yeah, I’m good now. I didn’t mean to ruin the party for you.”

“Oh Eren, that was not your fault, that was all Levi.”

“I guess, anyway I’m tired so I’m gonna head to bed now.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in the morning.”

I made my way up stairs to my old room, glad that I left some of my clothes here for emergencies. I stripped down to my underwear and crawled into bed, falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for making Levi so heartless in this chapter( but not really because it's necessary) especially after part two of acwnr came out yesterday, I just want fluffiness for him and ughhh, so I think I'm going to post a fluffy one shot over the weekend to heal my broken heart.  
> Also... 750 HITS HOLY (BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP)! But seriously this means so much to me, like you guys don't even know all the joy this brings me. Thank you Thank you Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

It has been two months since the party and I am on my way to the restaurant Hanji had chosen as Levi’s way to apologize to me. This will be the tenth apology out of the fifty Hanji said he owed me, so Levi and I would be going on these apology dinners for a year, I still haven’t figured out what they could have been thinking. Really I didn’t think there was any need for this, but Hanji can be very persuasive. I would have been more or less okay if it was someplace like Olive Garden or something, but no, it was a five star restaurant that required a reservation, and suit and ties, which I only owned one of, so Hanji also made Levi buy me four other suits that I could mix and match as I pleased so long as it looked nice. But I think the most astonishing thing about this setup is the fact that Levi went along with it, saying something about how Hanji would never forgive him otherwise, regardless of what I did. The first few times we had dinner it was awkward and neither of us did much talking. Maybe the fifth or sixth time around though the silence was slightly less stifling.  Now we talk freely during dinner, simple small talk, nothing to important, but it was comfortable to be around Levi now. At this point Levi and I were what you would call reluctant friends.

The waiter had seated us and given us our menus when Levi spoke up, “Anything in particular you want to try this time brat?” his monotonous voice droned over from the other side of the table.

“Not a brat.” Was my instant reply.

Again he made that weird clicking noise, though I had gotten used to it, it was still strange to hear. “I’m only here because of you and I’m paying for all this shit, therefore  _brat_ , I can call you whatever I want, and you’ll just have to get over it.”

I lowered my menu so I could look at him, “I didn’t want any of this in case you forgot.” I said in a low voice. He opened his mouth to say something but must have thought better of it, shaking his head and refocusing on his menu.

The waiter came back with our drinks and asked if we were ready to order, I chose an alfredo fettuccine with shrimp while Levi ordered filet mignon with sautéed asparagus. The waiter took our menus leaving us with nothing to do expect talk.

“So how was your week brat?”

“I’m not a brat, and my week was boring and uneventful. How was your week?”

“Hmm I had lots of paperwork, but also uneventful.” I didn’t know what else to say, so there was a pause in talking. A few minutes of silence later and Levi once again initiated the conversation.

“So you mentioned at the party that you were in school, what are you planning to major in?” I was honestly impressed that he had remembered such a small detail from two months ago.

“I want to become a chemist, maybe some kind of chemical engineer.”

“Sounds, interesting, I guess.” I rolled my eyes at him, as if he would actually care.

“So head of Scout electronics huh? How’d you become the owner of the business.”

“Family business, my parents owned it but they had an accident up in some mountains in Europe, they put in their wills that I would become the owner should anything happen to them so here we are.”

“Oh, well I’m sorry for your loss.”

 He put his elbow on the table and rested his head in his palm studying me before answering, “Eh don’t be, it’s not like they were actual parents anyway, my nannies raised me, not them, and the only time the pretended to care was when we were out for functions or whatever. Anyway, what about you, huh? What were your parents like?” my face immediately fell, I didn’t mean for it to, but my parents have always been a sore subject, but I answered regardless.

“My mom died of cancer when I was eight and my dad, well my dad started drinking and disappearing for days at a time after that. Then one day when I was fourteen maybe he left and never came back, I haven’t seen him since.” We fell into another silence but this one was more awkward than the first one had been.

“Do you like sports? Or play any sports?” I asked desperate to come up with another topic.

“I used to fence if you consider that a sport, and I hated it. I don’t really like sports now either so no, to both of your questions. But what about you, any sports?”

“I used to do track and field, all through high school and my freshman year of college.” I said picking up my drink and taking a sip.

“Well why did you stop?” I almost choked on my drink, Zackary was the reason I stopped but there was no way I was going to tell Levi that. “Umm, I just didn’t feel like doing it anymore, you know?” he looked skeptical but didn’t question me on it. Thankfully our food arrived then. We ate in silence, no small talk or anything, it wasn’t uncomfortable per se, but it wasn’t as comfortable as it usually was either. Once done with dinner the waiter came back to ask if either of us wanted dessert, Levi declined and asked for the check. After Levi paid we got up and headed outside to the warm early June air.

We reached my bike after a short distance of walking and said our goodbyes, “Thank you for dinner Levi, I appreciate all of this.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you next week.” He headed off to his car while I got on my bike. I’m usually a pretty safe driver, however every now and then when it’s late and there aren’t any other vehicles around, I’ll put on some extra speed, I love the exhilarating feel of it and since I don’t get to do this often I enjoy the few times I can.

Getting home was quicker than normal, but you know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun, or because I was seriously speeding, but whatever it’s all in the details. I check my house and decided to take a nice shower. After I was done washing I just leant on the wall of the shower, thinking about this evening, it was nice. Once you get past Levi’s rough and tactless outer shell he’s really not too bad, but it was hard getting to know him because he was so rough and tactless, apparently most people just give up after a while. Although I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge and I might as well make nice or all those dinners are going to be unpleasant. I dried off and put on some pajama bottoms which I don’t really do, but it was a pleasant feeling so I shrugged off my unusual behavior. It was around midnight when I finally climbed into my uncomfortable bed and drifted off to sleep.

[Levi’s POV]

It was a little after one in the morning and I was still at Hanji’s house. One of the conditions they gave me was that after every dinner I take Eren to, I was to come here and tell them about it, however I normally didn’t stay this long and my patience with them was wearing dangerously thin. They were in the middle of another rant when my phone went off. I groaned, “Who the hell is calling me right now?” I muttered digging my phone out of my pocket.  Once I saw who it was I paused.

“Who is it?” Hanji asked.

“It’s Eren.”

“Oh put it on speaker so I can say hi.” They said bouncing up and down on their couch.

 I answered holding the phone about out in front of me, “What is it Eren?”

“Levi?” came his shaky response, “Levi I need help.”

“Eren? What’s wrong?” Hanji asked in a serious voice, I got the feeling they already knew what was happening.

“Hanji, I think… I think its Zackary, I think he found me.”  _Who’s Zackary? Is this the same Zackary he was mumbling about a few months ago?_

“Eren I’m on my way, but I need your address okay?”

“But I do-” Eren started.

“Eren, give me your damn address, I don’t care if you didn’t want to tell me before, but you’re going to tell me.  _Now. What. Is. It?_ ”

“363 Shinganshina Road apartment number 4, it’s on the second floor. Please hurry, just don’t hang up on me okay?”

“Alright I’m calling 911.” Hanji pulled out their phone as they got up, I got up too seeing as how he called me, not Hanji, besides if Eren was in danger that means that Hanji would be in danger as well, not that I don’t care about Eren but losing Hanji after all these years was not allowed to happen, wow that makes me sound really heartless doesn’t it?

“Hurry up Levi.” Hanji said to me after they hung up with the authorities.

“What’s going on?” I asked, we were in the car and Hanji was just about breaking every speed limit there was.

“I… I’ll tell you later.”

“Eren, are you still there?” They called out

“Yes.” He was whispering now, “Fuck, I think he’s inside.” I heard someone shout through the phone but it was muffled. “Hanji, what do I do?”

“Just hang on Eren, We’re on our way.”

But we would never get there in time, everything went downhill from there. Hanji and I heard a loud thud and what sounded like Eren gasping through the phone.

“Shit!” Eren’s voice rang through the phone before there was nothing but yelling and screaming and loud thuds.

“No! No! No!” Hanji screamed banging on the steering wheel, I wasn’t sure what was happening but I definitely feared for Eren at this point. It sounded like Eren and someone were rolling around on the floor, someone getting hit and kicked, like there was an all-out brawl going on, on the other side of the phone. I was feeling utterly useless as I listened what was happening. That went on for what felt like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, then there was a gunshot, a pause in which neither Hanji nor I said anything or even breathed for that matter, then another gunshot, immediately followed by another. Then there was silence and the line went dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please don't hate me for this, I love you guys, really I do. I know that you guys have to wait the whole entire weekend for me to update but remember I'm going to post a fluffy one shot and I can't do that if I'm dead. Anyway thank you for all the hits, kudos, and bookmarks so far!  
> Until next time lovies, Pyxy out.


	13. Chapter 13

Saying that I would kill Zackary if I needed to was different than actually doing it. Zackary had found me, I don’t know how, but it didn’t matter how because he was choking me, the events leading up to this point were all insignificant. His fingers were wrapped tightly around my throat, and there were dark spots at the edges of my vision, if I passed out now I was going to die, he would kill me. I was not going to let that happen so with the last of my strength I brought my knee up with as much force as possible. Zackary’s grip loosened as my knee connected with his crotch, he rolled off of me and onto his back clutching the front of his pants, groaning and cursing at me, I sucked in as much air as my crushed trachea would allow and started crawling to my bed, if I could just make it to my bed I would be fine. I was almost there when Zackary grabbed my ankle. I tried to remember things from my Krav Maga lessons, I took the foot that he wasn’t holding onto and proceed to kick at his hands and face until he let me go, he was holding on until about the third kick to his face when I heard a sickening cracking sound.

I finished making my way to my bed and sat up, I reached under my mattress to pull out a nine millimeter Nano Beretta, the handgun I had purchased shortly after moving in with Hanji. I was flipping the safety off when Zackary jumped on me again knocking the gun out of my hand, which he saw as I began to reach for it again. He was pushing me back into the mattress on the floor and severely restricting my movements, so I couldn’t get to the gun and he grabbed it first, he was unexperienced at firing a weapon as far as I knew, but that didn’t matter if he was right in front of me, there was no way he would miss. His finger slipped to the trigger and he ended up accidently shooting me in the shoulder, at point blank range, instead of somewhere more vital, or maybe it wasn’t an accident maybe he wanted to make me suffer by shooting me several times before he finally delivered the fatal blow. More lessons from Krav Maga surfaced though, it would be difficult to execute this particular skill since we were on the floor, so I modified it. I pushed the barrel of the gun up using the palm of my hand as I once again brought my knee up. His grip loosened enough for me to take the gun from him. I flipped our positions before standing over him.

I stared down at the person who I once loved, who then turned my life into a living hell, who was once again trying to take my life and happiness away, but even with all that I couldn’t kill him, and I hesitated. That was until he spoke, even after the fight, even after me probably breaking his nose, he still thought that I was going to let him win, that I was going to submit. I squeezed the grip for the gun with both hands, which I was glad I could still do considering I had gotten shot in the shoulder and shouldn’t be able to use my arm at all, not that I was complaining, I couldn’t even feel the pain because of how much adrenaline was rushing through my body.  

“I’ll kill you, you’ll pay for this.” Zackary managed to breathlessly squeeze out around his hand which was covering his nose though he was doing little to stop the bleeding. He started to stand and I backed up and then he lunged at me. My resolve hardened and I pulled the trigger, I shot him twice in the chest stopping him in his tracks. He looked down at his chest and then back at me, he looked angry but also confused, I think would be the word, then he collapsed. I let out a shaky breath before I numbly walked over to my cell phone. I didn’t mean to hang up but that’s what I did. I couldn’t bring myself to call back though.

I dropped the gun and sat there, not moving, or saying anything for God knows how long. I didn’t move as I saw Zackary’s blood pool around him, I didn’t move as the blood started to spread towards me, and I didn’t move as his blood started soaking into the fabric of my pants. I heard sirens, but I still didn’t move. Uniformed officers came flooding into my apartment, but I still didn’t move, and that’s how they found me, very bloody and bruised with a hole in my shoulder that wouldn’t stop bleeding just sitting on the floor not responding to anything they said or did. They bustled about my apartment doing God knows what for maybe ten minutes, maybe more, maybe less, I didn’t understand how time flew at that moment. They had helped me stand and put me on a stretcher before carrying me outside on it. They put an oxygen mask on me and were speaking but it all just flowed over me, like water under a bridge or rain on a rooftop.

That was how I was when they rushed me to the hospital, but I blacked out before we came anywhere close to reaching our destination.

[Hanji’s POV]

When Levi and I arrived in front of Eren’s apartment building there were five polices cars, two ambulances, and at least fifty people in the surrounding area. I jumped out of the car as soon as I had brought it to a complete stop. I started towards the apartment building but was stopped by not one but three officers telling me that I wasn’t allowed past the yellow tape that was set up, yellow tape that I hadn’t even noticed until they mentioned it.

“But you don’t understand my friend needs me!” I yelled at them struggling futilely to get past them to wherever Eren was. It was then that I noticed Levi behind me, pulling me out of the officers grip and wrapping his arms securely around my waist to keep me from going anywhere.

“Hanji making a scene won’t help Eren, the only thing you’ll accomplish is getting yourself arrested.” Levi said tightening his grip for emphasis.

“Fine, fine let go me now. I’m fine.” He was reluctant to loosen his hold on me, but he eventually did. I calmly approached one of the officers, “So can you tell me what happened?”

She gave me a dubious look before responding with, “There was an altercation that led to a shooting.”

“Between an Eren Jaeger and a Zackary Lee right?”

“Yes, but ho-” I cut her off before she could finish their question, “I know because Eren is my one of my friends and he called me and another friend of ours.” I said gesturing back at Levi. “Eren had a restraining order against Zackary so what are you going to do about that? He tried to hurt my friend and he violated the order so he’s been arrested right?”

“Well, we would have arrested him had he been alive when we arrived.” My eyes widened and I took a step back.

“He’s dead? Eren killed him? Where is Eren now? How is he? Can I see him? Please?” I fired question after question at her. She was about to respond when I saw Eren being carried out of the apartment on a stretcher and soon after that I saw a black body bag being carried out as well.

“Is Eren going to be transferred to a hospital?”

“Yes, he is, as I understand it he lost a lot of blood.”

“Wait he… what’s wrong with him? Never mind what hospital is he going to be taken to?”

“Maria General I believe.”

“Okay thank you, that all I needed to know.” I rushed back to Levi and grabbed him, dragging him to the car with me as I went.

“Where are we going now? What did you find out?” Levi asked once we were both seated in the vehicle.

“Maria General, that's where they're taking Eren, and… and Zackary is dead.”

“Wait what, how?”

“Eren he- he killed him, I don’t know how yet but that’s unimportant. Eren lost a lot of blood, somehow, and I just need to get to the hospital to see him, I just-” I couldn’t continue around the lump that had formed in my throat, I couldn’t cry right now, I needed to be strong, and because if I started to cry right now we were probably going to crash. I had an absolute desperate need to see Eren at that moment. I needed to be there for him, I wasn’t there for him and now look at what happened, so I’m going to make it up to him by being there now, and I'll never leave him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dislike how this chapter turned out, but I wasn't sure how to fix and now I can't change it, oh well I guess. I'm so sorry for my terrible writing right now, I'm just so tired and done with everything and I think I might need a break for a couple of days... I don't know yet. Anyway thank you for reading my story, I have almost 800 hits and that's really mindblowing so thank you thank you thank you!  
> Until next time, Pyxy out.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late I was out today, but I'm actually pretty happy with this chapter, but I'm even happier about Friday's chapter. Anyway on with the reading.

I was surrounded by darkness, a darkness that was cold and numbing, more numbing than before, a darkness that was consuming me. I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't see anything, and I couldn't hear anything, but soon voices drifted from somewhere. It sounded like people were talking so I followed the sound of voices. I opened my eyes and was blinded by a white light.

"Ere... en... Eren, can you hear me? Eren?" it sounded like Hanji. Once my eyes finally focused I discovered that yes, it was Hanji.

"Mmm, Hanji what's going on?" I asked my voice sounding hoarse.

"Hey, God am I glad you're awake." they said, but even though there was a smile on their lips there were tears in their eyes.

"What happened? Why are you crying?" I went to move my arm to wipe their tears away but a searing pain in my shoulder had me crying out in pain.

"Hey try not to move okay?" they said in a soothing voice.  _Why aren't they answering my questions?_

They were running their fingers through my hair when a doctor walked into the room it was also then that I noticed Levi standing in the corner like he was in timeout or something, which I thought was hilarious because Levi was a midget. And I let out a small chuckle that quickly turned into a wheeze, then a cough, and finally a groan as a sharp shooting pain ran through my side which had everyone staring at me. As the doctor spoke I turned my attention back to them. The doctor was, well they seemed rather quiet and mouse-ish maybe, they didn't have a presence that took control of a room like Hanji and Levi, or even me if I wanted to. They have short blonde hair and calming blue eyes. It was then that I noticed that the doctor was also female, but almost looked like a guy though, which is what I thought she was when I first saw her.

"Good afternoon Mr. Jaeger. How are you feeling?"  _Afternoon? I thought it was the evening._

"My shoulder in killing me and everything else hurts too." I responded, my voice still cracking here and there.

"As expected, but I'll see what I can do about upping your pain meds. Now, what is the last thing you remember?"

"Umm, I was- I was talking with Levi... on the phone... and" I looked down in concentration, rubbing my forehead with my good hand, I was having a hard time remembering what I was calling Levi for, just this lingering sense of, dread? Maybe fear? Something along those lines.

"Don't stress yourself, it's best not to force things like this." The doctor said, I still didn't know what her name was.

_Force things like what? Why would no one tell me what was going on?_  I was torn from my thoughts by the doctor. It was then that Hanji handed me a cup of cool, not quite cold, water. I took a few sips before just downing the rest.

"Oh by the way my name is Nanaba."

"Nice to meet you, I guess." My voice sounded much better.

She hummed and nodded her head by way of reply, "Well I have already filled your friends in on your condition. Now I'll just leave you three alone for now. If you need me just call a nurse so they can page me." And with that she left the room.

I immediately turned to Hanji after that, "Hanji, what happened?" they looked at me and then looked at Levi before sighing heavily.

"You called Levi because you were in danger Eren. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, but in danger of wha-" and then it hit me, all of what happened, the scene rushing through my head at light speed, but I could still see everything that happened clearly in my head. Although the only reason I called Levi is because he was the last person I had called beforehand, I just pressed redial not really caring who picked up so long as  _someone_  did picked up.

"Oh God." I said covering my mouth. "Is- is he... did I?" I looked up at Hanji hoping they would catch on to what I was asking so I didn't have to say it out loud. They slowly nodded their head, and that's when I lost it, I burst into tears and they rushed over to sit on the edge of my bed and gave me a hug being careful not to touch or move my wounded arm. I saw Levi just standing there his face as unreadable as ever, but I didn't care just so long as he didn't interrupt Hanji's comforting. Once I was done crying Hanji pulled away, "Better now?" I nodded.

"What did the doctor tell you?"

"Well," they started, taking a deep breath before finishing, "Zackary did quite a number on you. Aside from the gunshot wound, which nicked an artery, you're honestly lucky to be alive right now, you should be dead with how much blood you lost. But anyway, Zac-"

"Don't say his name, please." I said looking down at my lap.

"Right, um he also gave you a concussion, along with a few broken ribs so you'll be in here for a while."  _Broken ribs? A concussion? A gunshot wound? He was hell bent on trying to kill me, huh? And he was so close too, from what Hanji says. Never again, I'll never put myself in a situation like that ever again. Time to put my walls back up._

"How long is awhile?"

"However long it takes you to heal obviously." Levi's voice cut in. He didn't sound angry maybe just annoyed or irritated and I wondered if that was the way he always sounded, usually he just sounds bored whenever I had spoken to him in the past, not that that meant anything because you'll never know a person if you only spend two hours a week with them.

"Hey Eren, Levi and I need to step out for a sec. I'll be right back, okay? I'll be right outside the door, so if you need me just call me." they stood from the edge of my bed and grabbed Levi's arm pulling him along and out the door before I even had the chance to answer.

[Levi's POV]

As soon as Hanji shut the door completely I started talking, "So care to tell me what the hell is going on?" They didn't answer immediately, it looked like they were deciding what they were going to say and what they were going to omit.

"Okay, just don't go in there and ask a whole bunch of questions when we're done okay? I shouldn't be telling any of this to you, but I think you deserve to know, just no questions. He's probably unstable enough as is. And if you could look a little less like its torturing you having to be here as well, if you want to leave then leave but don't stare him down."

"Alright fine, now spill."

"Zackary was Eren's boyfriend, his very abusive boyfriend. He liked to use Eren as his own personal punching bag, he liked degrading him verbally, and..." they trailed off looking at the floor and I wondered if they were going to finish their sentence.

"Anyway, remember when I canceled our plans to go out?"

"Yes."

"Right well, Zackary had beaten Eren half to death, when you guys showed up it had only been maybe half an hour since the police had left. Fast forward a month to when you, Erwin, and I were eating breakfast, Eren had gotten a call from the police chief asking Eren to come in, we get there only to be told that Zackary didn't plead guilty and Eren and I would have to testify against him during his trial. Skip a week and it's the day of the trial, and they, being the jury, found Zackary innocent. That lead to right now, Zackary had found Eren and tried to kill him, which is why he called you, he probably didn't mean to or else he would have called me, I think his only thought at the time would have been to call someone. It just happened to be that you were still at my house when it happened." They stopped and gave me a curious look, I'm not quite sure what they were thinking but the look was enough to put me on edge.

"What would you have done had you not been at my house? Would you have gone to help him?"  _Would I have helped him? Do they think I hate him so much as to leave him alone when he obviously needed help?_

"Of course I would have helped him Hanji, not that either you or I would have made it in time to actually do anything, but I would have gone."

"And now you also know why he had a breakdown during the party." My mind flashed back to when I threatened Hanji and he shrunk back. It went back to when I had grabbed him and he had jumped like he was expecting the boogeyman; to when I drug him around and why he was trying to get me to let go, and I snapped at him for it, I involuntarily flinched at the memories that ran through my head. Well now I feel like shit, and I should most definitely apologize to him, well apologize and mean it this time was more like it. Later after he's rested more, and out of the hospital. I let out a sigh, "Come on let's go back in." I sounded resigned, and that was unusual for me. I was feeling guilty and I didn't like the feeling of it, it was like this heavy rock just sitting in the pit of my stomach and the back of my mind. Hanji opened the door and we both stepped in but Eren was asleep again.

I looked at all the cuts and bruises on him, especially the ones covering his face, I looked at the thick gauze that started around his left shoulder and continued down to his chest, and it made me sick to my stomach thinking that I had treated Eren so badly, that I had reminded him of the person who did this to him, and I needed to get rid of this feeling as soon as possible because this was fucking unpleasant. I leaned against the wall by the door and stared angrily at the floor as if its very existence were a nuisance to me. That was where I stayed; just letting my thoughts consume me, until Hanji decided it was time to leave. I gave one last look over my shoulder to see Eren sleeping rather peacefully for someone who just went through so many traumas and I told myself then that I was going to make it up to him, and I would do it without complaint this time around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to put this story on pause, so I won't be updating at all next week. I just need to get some personal things straightened out and I won't be able to focus on writing, but I'll be back so don't worry.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a pretty long chapter and I'm actually very pleased with how this came out. Also, there's a link in here and I would recommend watching the video because it's seriously awesome, I know I'm being vague about what the video is, but I want it to be a surprise. You really only have to watch the first minute or so but if you want to watch the whole thing then the more power to ya. Anyway go ahead and chapter the chapter.

I was leaving today, after being stuck in the hospital for a week I could go home, where ever home was at this point. Now that I think about it I've always just had houses not homes, I've always just had places to live, place where I sleep and eat, not a home, not a place where I felt like I truly belong. Not since my mom had died. Then there was dad and I, not that dad was there for me or anything. Five different houses in six years after mom died, until we eventually landed back where we started, not the same house, but in the general area. Then there was a college dorm, then Zackary's. Zackary, who I killed, who I shot in cold blood, it made me nauseous every time I thought about it, my stomach would clench itself into knots and I would get an awful taste in my mouth. Then there was Hanji's where it almost felt like home, then my crappy run-down apartment. I couldn't live there, not with the memories, not after that hellish event, so I guess it is back to Hanji's again.

"Eren come on." Levi called out from the sidewalk. He's been an almost permanent fixture at the hospital, he was here every day and even into the evening past visiting hours, the first time a nurse came in to tell him he had to leave he asked to speak with her in the hallway, I don't know what was said but no other nurse ever told him he had to leave again. I enjoyed the company, and it would seem he's also lost a lot of his former "roughness" with me, he's still tactless with a foul mouth, but he's kinder well as kind as you can get when it comes to Levi. I still don't know very much about him, but I guess since he still owes me like forty dinners we'll get to that eventually, not that I'm worried about the dinners right now. My main concern is once again getting back on my feet, and this time around I'll have to get a decent place to live. I got quite the lecture from Hanji after they saw where I lived, it was interesting, they have a very terrifying vernacular when they're upset. I had a glimpse of it when they chewed out Levi, but it's much scarier when that fury is directed at you.

"Eren, seriously, come on." That's another thing I pondered walking to the curb to get into Levi's extremely expensive and quite familiar looking black car, he doesn't call me brat or kid anymore, he calls me by my actual name and there's something very, attractive I guess you could say, about the sound of my name coming out of his mouth, something very arousing about his deep, rich voice saying my name.

"Levi why is it so hot in your car?" I asked him after a moment of sitting in the heated vehicle.

"Because I have a portal to hell in my trunk, or maybe because it's the middle of the day in the middle of summer and my car has been sitting in the sun for the past three hours." I threw my head back laughing, like the side clutching kind of laughing which I hadn't done in what feels like forever. We were at a red light so Levi took that time to stare at me, his eyebrows slightly above where they usually rest.

"What, why are you staring?" I asked breathlessly wiping away some tears that had gathered in the corner of my eyes.

"I don't think I've ever heard you laugh, I also didn't think what I said was that funny." he responded after a few seconds.

"Huh? Oh, yeah it's been a while I guess, but then again you only saw me for dinners before this. I don't think you ever would have heard me laugh if we only saw one another for two hours a week. And you really shouldn't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you could be very funny if you actually tried, not that I think you ever would. You don't seem like the comedian type."

"Right well-"

"Green light." I cut him off, he started driving again. I was looking around the cabin of the vehicle trying to place where I had seen this, "Hey Levi, what kind of car is this?"

"It a [Porsche 918](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSqzp3kdAm4)." he responded quickly looking at me and then back at the road, and I almost choked on the air I was breathing. _That's why this looked familiar! This is my dream car!_ I probably didn't recognize it sooner because I was so tired and lost in thought.

"Are you fuc- I mean, no actually, are you fucking serious?! But isn't this thinking like literally a million dollars?! Or close enough but, ohmygod I think I might just die, I'm sitting in my dream car, holy shit!"

"Eren, shut the fuck up and calm the fuck down, before I kick out and make you walk to Hanji's!"

 We passed yet again into silence, for the rest of the ride to Hanji's, but only because I had the threat of walking in this heat for at least half an hour after just getting out of the hospital hanging over my head, not that I thought he would because Hanji would skin him alive but that didn't mean he couldn't do anything else and I wasn't going to take any chances. We were about five minutes away and then we would have to wait for Hanji to get there because they were still at work, speaking of work, "Hey Levi? Don't you have a job that you're supposed to be at? Because like you said it is the middle of the day and it's the middle of the week, or the past week when you were constantly at the hospital with me for that matter."

"I'm the boss, I can do whatever I want whenever I want so long as the paperwork gets done." He replied coolly.

"Ah, well thank you for picking me up, I would have called one of my childhood friends, but they still don't know what happened and I'd rather not have that conversation with them, at least not yet. You know?" I asked tilting my head to the side to look at him.

"No, I don't know, the only 'friends'", he took his hands off the wheel long enough for him to do air quotes before putting them back, "I've ever had were Hanji and Erwin for the most part. I had other friends but they got into a car accident and well yeah. And I've never been in any situation like you before, so no, I wouldn't know." I was almost stunned, I think that is the most I've ever heard him talk at once, and he told me something about himself, not that the subject was particularly pleasant, but it was something at least.

"I hate that I keep having to say I'm sorry for your loss, but not saying it doesn't seem appropriate."

"Yeah." he said letting out what almost sounded like a derisive snort. I wasn't sure whether or not I should have been offended. We pulled up in the drive way and Levi turned the car off; we both got out and approached the front of the house. I got my keys out and unlocked the door walking into the living room before falling heavily onto the couch which jostled my shoulder a little bit too much for comfort.

"This is probably the most comfortable thing I have ever sat on." I remarked to no one in particular.

"I doubt that." Levi said sitting on the other side of the couch, one arm thrown casually over the back and propping one ankle on top of his knee.

"No seriously, all my beds over the years have been shit and when I could afford a couch that was usually shit too." I chuckled bitterly over the thought. Levi just looked at me, well it was hard to explain what he was doing, it was more than just looking but I don't think you could categorize it as staring. It's like he was looking into my soul when our gazes held. I usually don't make eye contact. You know that saying 'The eyes are the windows to the soul'? Right well I absolutely believe that. I feel like if someone stares into my eyes for too long they can see the kind of person I really am, not the person I want people to see. I throw a fake smile on my face and people manage to see a real, genuine smile, and when they see the smile they don't ask questions, they don't look any further, they go on believing in a delusion, something that isn't real, few people try and look past my oh so obvious mask. But that's okay, they can go on being fooled, all people need to see is a smile, but not Levi, and not me either. I learned long ago how to read people, the way they talk or speak, the way they act, even something as small as the way someone may sit or hold an object, I needed to be able to read my dad, and especially needed to be able to read people after I met Zac- _No no no no no get away from that thought Eren._ The point being it was unusual for me to hold eye contact but I couldn't look away, as Levi read me, I read him.

Levi also wears a mask, he wears one of indifference or uncaring. He may be very good at keeping his indifferent mask on but again the eyes are the windows not the face. He's gotten very good at hiding but I could see the pain, the loss, the heartache, and loneliness. Almost the same type of loneliness as mine, and I think when he found my loneliness is when he looked away.

I don't make it a habit of sharing my problems with others, which is why the whole 'incident' happened in the first place, and my seclusion didn't help my state of mind. The main reason being that people want to try and relate, people like to say _'Oh I know how you feel.'_ or, _'I know exactly what you mean.',_ but they don't if they truly understood what you were going through, what you were feeling they wouldn't have to say it, it's this look that passes over them and you know instantly that they went through a similar hell. No pain is the same, emotional, mental, physical, it doesn't matter, pain is pain, and while no pain, no suffering is the same it can be similar enough to be relatable, but people who have to tell you they went through something similar are a fake as my smile. Levi saw all of my problems just as I saw all of his, and I think in that moment Levi and I understood one another a little too well for either of our comfort.

Levi cleared his throat, "Do you want some tea? I'm about to make some."

"Sure that would be amazing." I said directing a small smile his way, but as soon as he saw my smile he averted his eyes.

[Levi's POV]

I got up off the couch and headed into the kitchen. Once there I took out Hanji's teapot filling it with cool water from the tap. I set the teapot on the stove and turned the heat on high before turning away to go rummage through their tea cabinet. I already had a large collection of teas here before Eren moved in a few months ago, but after Eren moved in the assortment got even bigger, it almost doubled in size. I was still looking through the teas when the teapot started going off. I turned back around to turn it off, but to my surprise Eren had already done it, and I don't remember hearing him get up or walk in here.

"Well aren't you quiet all of a sudden." But he didn't say anything, he was just staring, and not like before in the living room, no he was standing completely still and staring. It was unnerving to be honest.

"Eren?" But still nothing.

"Hey, Eren. Are you okay?" and still nothing. I walked up to him, and when he still didn't say anything or move, hell he didn't even blink, I discovered that he wasn't staring _at_ me just in my general direction. I stopped maybe a foot away from him. I didn't want to grab him for fear of him coming out of his trance and into an immediate breakdown. _How does Hanji do this again? She just talks right? Here goes nothing I guess._

I walked a little closer very lightly placing my hands on the sides of his face, so when he did come out of whatever this was the first thing, the first person he would see is me, I dropped my voice some and started with what Hanji usually would, "Eren? Can you hear me? Eren where are you? Can you come back?" recognition flashed across his eyes, but it was gone as fast as it came. This was going take to take some time. On top of that I felt pretty stupid, this wasn't something I did, I barely know how to talk to people regularly so trying to do whatever the hell this was seemed impossible, it was surreal almost.

"Hey, Eren can you hear me? Where are you Eren? Can you come back?" I could feel his muscles slowly relax under my hands so I kept going. After maybe two or three more minutes of this his eyes started to water, but he was relaxing more and more.

"Eren can you hear me?" and this time I was rewarded with a small nod. "Eren? Can you come back now? I'm right here, it okay to come back." He let out a shaky breath as he sank down to the floor. He pushed himself up against the oven and brought his knees to his chest, resting his forehead against his knees and his arms covered his head which he was shaking and repeating something that I couldn't quite make out. I sighed sitting next to him, putting one arm around his shoulders while the other slowly rubbed his arms. Once I was sitting I could clearly hear him muttering _'I don't want to see this. I don't want to remember this.'_ , over and over again like a mantra.

"Eren? Hey I'm right here. You're right here with me okay? You're safe, nothing can hurt you while I'm here." He raised his head enough to look at me with tear filled eyes over his knees, and as strange as it may sound his eyes were gorgeous. The tears made his eyes shine like jewels and the slight red tint of his eyes only made the already unique color of his irises stand out even more, but I decided that no matter how beautiful his eyes were I didn’t want to see him cry anymore, not ever again. He lowered his arms leaning his head up against my shoulder. This was exhausting, I don't understand how Hanji deals with this. What even triggers these episodes?

"I want to lay down upstairs." He said quietly after a moment.

"Alright come on." He picked his head up off my shoulder long enough for me to stand up. After I helped him up I proceeded to help him up the stairs. Once upstairs in his room I laid him down, I got up to leave but he grabbed my arm stopping me from leaving.

"I'll be right back Eren, I'm just going to get the tea. Is that okay?" it looked like he was debating with himself before he nodded once, letting me go. I sighed as I made my way back downstairs. It broke my heart to see him like this. A heart that I seriously thought was completely cold and closed off, with so many walls and barriers up around it that it surprised me that it still could feel. I chose a chai tea, which is what I typically drank when I was feeling drained. Once it was done steeping I went back up the stairs and into Eren's room to see him sitting up with his legs crossed. I handed him his cup and he took a small sip.

"Mm, my favorite." He said in a quiet voice, which I made a mental note of for future reference. I was staring at his cup which he held with both hand wrapped around it instead of holding it by the handle despite the cup being very hot. I was surprised he wasn't burning his hands. I took a sip of my own mug which had Eren eyeing me curiously.

"What?" I asked in a tired voice.

"Why do you hold your cup like that?" he inquired.

"I could ask the same of you."

"I'll share if you do."

I warred with myself for a moment for I eventually spoke. "When I was young, like five or something, I had bought my first tea cup. One day when I made myself some tea I picked it up by the handle and the cup part of it fell off and shattered. I was devastated and I told myself I would never let it happen again. Your turn." I disliked telling anyone about my reasons for holding my cup the way I do, it was traumatizing enough when it first happened but when you keep talking about it, it just kept opening the wound, even though it happened a little more than twenty years ago.

"Well, I actually had I similar experience only, I had a rather large tea cup, one my mother had gotten for me as a present. There was this little picture on the side of a sunflower, and on the other there were words that I can't remember. I tried to hold it like my dad did, by the handle with one hand, but it was too heavy and the whole thing slipped out of my hand. When it broke all over the floor my dad thought it would be okay to lock me in a closet for a few hours, and I'm pretty sure the only reason he let me out was because my mother would be home from work soon. Even before he left when I was fourteen he was always a douche bag. So I got used to holding cups with both hands, it was hot at first but I quickly got used to it, and now it doesn't burn my fingers at all." The more I learn about this kid the more I wish I didn't know. It seemed like his whole backstory was nothing but this huge tragic sob story.

"And even though he let me out of the literal closet, I stayed in the figurative one until I was seventeen." He said giving me a smile. I let out a small chuckle, it was funny how he thought I was the one who needed a laugh, and he needed me to laugh along which is exactly what I did. But he soon dropped the smile looking tired and much older than he really is.

"I'm tired Levi, so very, very tired."

"Then lay down, get some rest." He smiled mirthlessly and laid down just like I said, pulling the covers up. I stood to leave.

"Levi, please don't leave yet." I sat back down on the edge of his bed, carding my fingers through his thick brown hair.

"Of course not." He seemed content with me running my hand through his hair and soon fell asleep, but I didn't move, not until I heard Hanji come in maybe half an hour later.

"Levi! Eren! I'm home!" they shouted, and I internally cursed and strangled them. Eren stirred slightly but didn't wake up. I ran my hand over his cheek cradling it for a few seconds before standing and leaving, taking Eren's mug along with mine.

"Oh Lev-" Hanji started.

"Hanji, shut the fuck up, Eren is asleep. He'll definitely wake up if you keep on yelling like that." I hissed out at them.

"Oh really? He said that you guys would just wait for me when I talked to him earlier."

"That was before he had another breakdown."

"Aw my poor baby. What happened, did you handle it? Did you cause it?" they asked in a warning tone.

"No shitty glasses, you really think I would do something like that after the last time, after the scolding you gave me? Besides I don't exactly want to see him hurt anymore, least of all by me." at that they gave me a look before a smile made its way onto their face.

"Levi?" they asked in a rather singsong voice that had me instantly suspicious of them.

"What?" I asked, the wariness obvious.

"Are you developing _feelings_ for my little angel?" they asked in a creepy voice.

"Wh-what no of course I'm not, that would be stupid. You're stupid." I said looking away and crossing my arms like a stubborn child.

"Oh yes you are! I totally ship it!" they squealed jumping around. _What the fuck does she mean by 'ship'? Ship what?_

"Hanji Eren is still asleep." I shook my head at them and walked into their living room, and they came bounding right behind me, sitting, well more like plopping down almost on top of me.

"Fuck, Hanji are you serious? Get the fuck off me? Jesus Christ I swear." They got right in my face, light reflecting off their glasses so I couldn't see their eyes.

"Hehe, Levi~. You know what you should do?" I would have leaned back to put space between us but I was up against the arm of the couch with nowhere to go, not unless I pushed Hanji onto the floor, which is what I would have normally done, but Eren was sure to hear it and wak-. The realization that Hanji was right, that I was developing ' _feelings_ ' for Eren, hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew I was screwed.

"Shit." I said bowing my head in defeat, "No Hanji I don't know what I should do."

"You should throw another party."

"I reall-"

"Shh, listen. Not like the last one, just me, you, and Eren, maybe even Erwin. Oh and I can tell Eren to invite some of his friends, and it will be an overnight party, like a slumber party but we're all adults who can drink which makes it a little bit different."

"But why wou-"

"Shh, I'm not done. Since it would be over a weekend, you would have all that time to get to know Eren better, and people Eren holds close to him. You'll have to be pleasant of course, but that's in the details. Anyway, if you get to know Eren's friends it's also like getting to know him, and that will make it easier for you to try and get closer. See?" and strangely enough, I did see, and thinking along the same lines as Hanji was always a scary thing to do.

"Fine, fine you win. When should I throw this stupid party?" I was feeling resigned again, but this was for a different reason, there was no stone sitting in my stomach about this type of resignation.

"Soon, as a matter of fact the sooner the better, actually how about next weekend? I'll give Eren the weekend off, maybe tell him sometime this week, so it doesn't seem like too much of a coincidence." They kept talking but it was more mumbling than anything and I don't actually think they were talking to me anymore, just to themselves. But they had at least gotten out of my face. I quickly got up while they continued to sit and talk. I went back upstairs to check on Eren again. He was always in my head, and when I didn't know how he was it was like this itch that I just couldn't reach, and this worry just kept sitting there and it wouldn't stop until I checked. He was very quickly becoming my addiction, and I didn't know how to deal with that. Even after I was in his room though I wasn’t satisfied, I discovered in the hospital that just looking wasn't enough anymore.

I could still here Hanji talking so I chose to just shut the door altogether. Sitting back down on the edge of his bed, I just watched him as I once again started running my fingers through his hair. His hair was so soft and thick, and if you caught it in the right kind of lighting you could see the lighter almost dirty blond highlights in it. He stirred again, only this time he opened one eye to peek at me. He moved his hand from under the covers to tug at the sleeve of my shirt, and when I didn't budge he tugged harder until I started leaning sideways until I was lying next to him. He murmured something that sounded like 'that's better' before falling back asleep. I was on the edge of the bed so I scooted closer so as not to fall off, draping one arm over Eren's waist but he bolted upright in a panic, almost knocking me out of the bed.

"S-sorry, I- um I didn't mean to startle you, I just, you, um brought back some, uh unpleasant memories." He looked down in shame still breathing heavily.

"What? What did I do?" I asked, because I didn't think I had done anything that would set him off. He clenched his fists.

"It- I was-" he shook his head and took a deep breath as if trying to steady himself, "When Za- when we were together we didn't really sleep close together, and-" his voice started shaking and there were tears forming in his eyes, I wanted to tell him to stop, but I think that would have done more damage than good, "and whenever he would get close, and try to I don't know cuddle, I guess, it meant, well it usually meant he wanted a plaything for the night." My eyes widened at him. _Is that what Hanji didn't want to tell me in the hospital, that Zackary would_ rape _Eren?_ I could feel myself getting very angry, very quickly. If Zackary wasn't already dead, I would have corrected that mistake myself upon hearing this. But what was important now was trying to calm down, the last thing I need is to unintentionally set Eren off again, because either I would have to sooth him which I was too exhausted to manage again or Hanji would have to do it in which case I would get another lecture, and both of those options sounded extremely tiring.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'll ju-" I got up to leave again.

"No." Eren said wrapping his arms around me, "You don't have to leave, you're fine, I promi- you're fine, please stay." I sighed lying beside him, keeping up with his mood changes was also tiring, everything about this whole fucking situation just made me want to go back home and lock everyone out for a solid two months. We were facing one another so I saw it when his eyebrows drew together and he scowled before shifting closer so his head was level with my chest, which he laid his head on.

"Sorry, I like the sound of heartbeats and I wanted to know what yours sounded like."

"Its fine Eren." I responded bringing my arms up to rest around his back, using one of my hands to rub his back. And he was soon out cold again, but this time he took me with him. He was so warm and comfortable, and before I could stop myself I had fallen fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so just as a reminder I won't be posting next week, so you'll have to wait till next Monday.  
> Thank you all so much for the hits and kudos! Thank you for the encouragement as well!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is definitely just a filler chapter so it's pretty short. I also don't really like how this one turned out but oh well. Sorry for the long wait only to get this, I feel kinda bad, but don't worry because the next one is better. Anyway, go on and read.

“So Eren I decided to give you more hours just like you asked.” Hanji said coming out of the back of the shop. It was right around closing time and today had been busy so I was definitely looking forward to going back to Hanji’s, it still didn’t feel quite right calling their house “home” so I didn’t.

I had been out of the hospital for three days now, and although Hanji said I shouldn’t be at work the thought of staying home by myself all day was unappealing. Even though Levi offered to stay with me like he had the days before I declined saying that it was about time I left the house. And now I would have more hours and I would be out of the house even more, recently my thoughts had turned quite dark when I’m alone so I figured it would be best not to be alone and the best way is for me to work.

“That’s great Hanji. When do my new hours start?” I asked preparing to close up by locking all the registers seeing as how we had already counted all the money.

“Right after the weekend off I’m giving you next weekend.”

“What? But why are you giving me the weekend off?”

“Because I can and while I don’t mind you working even though you’re not fully healed, I figure we could both use a break, I mean in case you haven’t noticed we’ve been pretty, well, exhausted recently. I know you’re not sleeping like you’re supposed to be and I know you’re not eating like you’re supposed to be so if we just take a weekend to, decompress we’ll say, we’ll both be right as rain.” They said in a chipper tone of voice.

_I guess I can’t really argue with them, they are my boss after all. But how do they know I’m not sleeping or eating? I mean I didn’t think they would notice the sleeping because in never left my room in the middle of the night and it wasn’t like I made a lot of noise, and while I didn’t eat as much as before I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Had I really stopped eating that much that they would notice? Was I pale? Did it look like I lost weight? What would be so obvious that they would notice it before I did? What did I eat today now that I think about? It was almost six and I didn’t think I had anything except for some juice earlier._

So I guess Hanji was right.

“Alright, we’ll take next weekend off.”

“Good, I’m glad I didn’t have to argue with you about this one, you really didn’t have an option anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess, not that we really argue that much to begin with.”

“Well everything in the back is taken care of, did you finish locking up the registers?” they asked. Where on earth did that question even come from? Weren’t we talking about something completely different before?

“Where on- you know what? Never mind. Yeah I’m done. Can we go now?”

“Yep! Come along angel, let us go home.” They cheerily said skipping to the door. All I could do was shake my head at them.

“Coming.” We headed out and Hanji locked the door behind us. We walked to the small parking lot across the street. Once in the car we buckled up. I was staring out the window as we drove. When we stopped in front of the house I hopped out of the vehicle grabbing my bag in the process, and jogging to the door. I unlocked the door and was just about running up the stairs. I tossed my things onto my bed, shutting the door behind me, before rushing into my bathroom and locking the door. I quickly turned the shower on and stepped in, I turned the temperature up until it felt like my skin was on fire. I sucked in a desperate gulp of air, letting it out before repeating the process a few more times. I felt myself tensing up in the car and didn’t want Hanji to see this or hear this and I found that the best way to hide anything I did was taking a shower. But I still couldn’t figure out why this kept happening, they weren’t flashbacks or panic attacks, and they weren’t breakdowns, my body would just tense up and I felt like I couldn’t breathe but that was it there were no other tell-tell signs of what could be wrong with me.

 I could hear the blood rushing through my head and I was feeling light-headed and I thought I might just pass out. And as the black seeped into the edges of my line of sight, I had one of those _oh shit_ moments. Then everything went dark.

~

“Guys I’m fine, please stop.”

Currently both Levi and Hanji were standing over me. Hanji was directly in my face while Levi had a little more decency and stood slightly behind them with his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“You passed out in the shower. I don’t think that counts as ‘fine’.” Levi commented. He had remained mostly silent since he got here.

Hanji had heard me fall and rushed into the bathroom, or they tried anyway seeing as the door was locked so they called Levi. They hadn’t wanted to call the ambulance just yet, which is why he’s here currently staring daggers at me. And on top of all that I now have to add a door to the list of things I owe Hanji.

“But I feel fine.” I whined out.

“Stop being a brat about this Eren, I’m sure you’ve caused Hanji enough of a headache already, and thank you for also dragging me into this. I really enjoyed having to rush over here to kick a door in.” he replied sourly. I looked down to stare at my hands clasped tightly in my lap that was covered by a thick quilt.

“I didn’t mean to cause you guys any trouble.” I heard Levi sigh but I still didn’t look up at them, I didn’t want to see the pitying, or even worse, angry, expressions that were sure to be on their faces. I felt Hanji move away from my face but I still didn’t budge. It wasn’t until I felt hands touch my cheeks that I flinched away before meeting grey eyes. I wanted to lean back but I was trapped in his intense stare. It felt like my heart leapt into my throat and my stomach was doing somersaults. My breathing was shallow and ragged but I still couldn’t pull away. I let out an almost inaudible whimper but Hanji caught it.

“Levi what are you doing?” they asked but he remained silent. Meanwhile I was having an internal breakdown and not of the usual sort that involved unpleasant memories of my past.

“P- please let me go.” I whispered out.

“Why do you do that?” Levi asked, his voice low. My brain was scrambling for an answer, any answer, but it didn’t understand the question.

“Huh? Do what?”

“Why do you shut everyone out when it’s obvious that they’re trying to help you? Then you go and do something stupid like today and want to feel sorry for yourself later. You say you don’t want to burden people, you say you don’t want to be a bother, but what do you think you do to people when stuff like this happens?” he paused for a moment like he was actually waiting for an answer that I didn’t have.

”Do have any idea how much Hanji screamed and shouted when they were on the phone with me? Or how long it took me to calm them down enough to be able to understand what they were yelling about? And when I could finally get an answer it was that they couldn’t get into the bathroom and you weren’t responding to them. I had to rush over here to kick in the bathroom door, I had to lift your unresponsive body out of the tub because even after being in there you weren’t saying anything, you weren’t moving, nothing. You passed out in the shower, you could have been dead or dying and we wouldn’t have known until it was too late. You weren’t thinking of anyone but yourself and that is a pretty fucked up thing to do.” And at this point my self-esteem which wasn’t very high to begin with went through the floor, he was right, he was absolutely right and I was a shitty person for not realizing it sooner. My eyes filled with tears and I bowed my head again, silently crying. Levi let go of my face and stood.

“I’m going home. I’ll call you later.” I heard Levi say, I think he might have been trying to be discreet but the room was so quiet and it was easy to hear him. Hanji hummed their acknowledgement, and I heard Levi’s retreating footsteps.

_Why do I always do this? Why do I always end up hurting the people I care most about? First Mikasa and Armin, and then other friends over the years who I abandoned. And now Hanji and Levi. Why? What was wrong with me?_

Hanji sat on my bed and pulled me into a hug. They murmured soothing things into my ear, slowly rocking back and forth with me in their arms as I continued to cry my eyes out. I had a splitting headache and I just wanted to go to bed now, I just wanted to forget that today ever happened, but I knew that my guilt wasn’t going to let me sleep any time soon. So I stayed in Hanji’s arms for hours until I eventually fell asleep from exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for almost one hundred kudos, I know I must sound like a broken record when I say that it makes me happy but it really does, and out of all the words in the english language I don't think that it would be enough to describe the feeling that I get. So again, thank you.  
> Until next time, Pyxy out


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how late this is, but I hope that you'll forgive me. This chapter is rather long, but I'll let you guys figure that out for yourselves. So go on and read.

“Eren if you don’t hurry up I’ll have to cancel the reservation!” Levi shouted from downstairs. I rolled my eyes not knowing why he was so impatient, we had at least forty-five minutes before we had to get there and it only took maybe half an hour to get there from Hanji’s house. All I had to do was finish tying my tie, but I hate ties and they hate me, this is the fifth time I’ve had to redo it and I still can’t get it right.

“Eren!”

“Jesus Christ Levi, calm down!”  I yelled back in exasperation, deciding to forgo a tie this evening for the sake of my sanity as well as Levi’s I undid the first three buttons before rechecking my hair, it’s always unruly, but I somehow manage to make it look decent for our dinners, and rushing down the stairs.

“There, I’m ready, happy now?” I asked glaring at Levi, but he wasn’t fazed. He just stood there looking as emotionless as usual. Staring at me for a moment longer he turned on his heel.

“Come on dumbass.”

I quickly caught up to him and we walked to his car that was parked in the driveway. Sliding into the driver’s seat Levi quickly turned the vehicle on. As soon as I was buckled he backed up into the street and sped away, the engine purring as he pressed the gas.

“One day we should totally just go for a drive.” I absently commented.

“And why pray tell, would I be inclined to do such a thing?”

“Because it would be fun. Don’t you just want to go for a drive with no destination in mind every now and then, especially considering the kind of car you have?”

“No, not really.” He glanced over at me before turning his attention back to the road.

“You’re so strange, who doesn’t just want to go for a drive, their music playing with their windows down, just enjoying the road. Aside from you I mean.”

“If it bothers you that much then fine, we’ll go for a drive one day.”

“Night.”

“What?” he turned his head to stare at me.

“Road, you should probably keep your eyes on it.” I remarked smugly, “And I said night, drives like that are best at night.”

“Fine, whatever.”

We passed into a tense silence for the rest of the drive. Truthfully Levi himself seems rather tense, but I didn’t think I had done anything to have him angry, if that was even what this was. I regarded him out of the corner of my eye, the hard set of his jaw, the way his fingers drummed impatiently against the steering wheel, and the way his back was so straight it looked like someone had shoved a rod up his ass. I tried unsuccessfully to strangle the laugh that was trying to makes its way out of my mouth at the thought, before Levi noticed, though I’ve never been that lucky.

“What is it now?” he asked in irritation.

“Noth-nothing I was just um, coughing.” I said still trying to suppress my laughter.

“Hmm, is that so?” he drawled out.

“Yes.” I nodded my head hoping that he would be convinced, which he probably wouldn’t.

“If I said that you were I horrible liar, what would you say.”

“That you’re right?”

 He turned to face me since we were already parked at the time. “Are you asking me if that’s what you would say or are you telling that’s what you would say in response to being a horrible liar?”

“Uh, no? Yes? Can you repeat the question?”

“No.” and with that he killed the engine and climbed out of the car. We reached the front doors and Levi opened it for me, playing the perfect role of a gentleman. We stayed silent as we waited for the waiter to seat us, just standing quietly beside one another listening to the clink of silver against plates and the quiet murmur of other patrons. Once we were at our table, the waitress asked what we would like to drink. Now that I thought about it, we had this waitress the past three times we’ve been here.

“Eren.” Levi called, his expression bordering on angry.

“Yes?”

“What do you want to drink?”

“Oh, uh could I have a raspberry tea please?”

“Absolutely. Would either of you care for an appetizer?” she asked cheerily. I looked at Levi but he shrugged, apparently being indifferent on the subject.

“No that’s okay.” I responded giving the waiter a small smile.

“Alrighty then, I’ll be back momentarily with your drinks.” She said practically skipping away.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked after a moment.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You spaced out earlier, and I would prefer it if we could avoid having any mental breakdowns in a restaurant.”

“I’m fine, I was just thinking about how we’ve had that same waiter the past few times we were here.”

“I wasn’t paying attention, but if you say so.” Looking over our menus we lapsed into another silence, which I was getting tired of. I didn’t understand why Levi and I couldn’t carry on a normal conversation like everyone else I knew, not that Levi was anything like other people I associated with but still.

“So I’m throwing another party-ish kind of thing, and Hanji told me to invite you.” He said not even bothering to look up at me.

“I think I’ll pass on that, I mean after how the last one turned out I think it’d be safer if I didn’t go.” I said nervously. _How could he even ask with a straight face? He’s still taking me to dinners for the last one he threw but he thinks it’s okay to ask me to another one?_

“It wouldn’t be like the last one, just you, me, Hanji, Erwin, and some of your friends that you’re going to invite. Though I would appreciate it if you could keep the list small.” Invite some of my friends? As in people I talk to that he knows nothing about? Maybe I was just hallucinating when he said that.

“Also it would be over a weekend, maybe Friday and Saturday, or Saturday and Sunday, one of those two. So let me know the next time you have some time off.”

“Well actually Hanji just told me that we would be taking next weekend off earlier this week.”

“Why would they do that?” he asked raising a slim eyebrow, he sounded disinterested if his tone was anything to go by.

“They said something about the fact that we were both tired and stressed so after a weekend off, we would be ‘right as rain’.” I said making air quotes with my fingers.

“Whatever. So does that mean you’ll come?”

“Yeah why not, but why am I inviting my friends?”

“Also Hanji’s idea, they said it would be good for you to invite your friends as well.”

“Okay I guess. How many people am I allowed to ask though?”

“I would prefer it if you could keep in under five.”

“Well it’s a good thing I only have two anyway.” But after I realized what I said it occurred to me that yes, I only had two friends, Mikasa and Armin. _He_ took everything including people I used to see all the time, Jean and Marco, I wonder how they’re doing. Or what about Sasha and Connie, the last time I heard from them they were planning on getting engaged. Maybe I should call them, I’m sure I still have their numbers somewhere. Not to mention all the other friends that I had lost contact with over the years.

“Hey are you okay?” Levi asked bringing me back from my thoughts.

“Why do you keep asking that?”

“Because you keep looking like you’re either constipated or that you’re about to cry.”

“Right well I’m fine, so stop asking.” I snapped back, I didn’t mean to be so harsh. There was no reason to be upset, but my emotions have been pretty unpredictable as of late.

“Fine, as if I care.” and the silence was back, but it was the kind of silence that reminded me of eating dinner with Zackary, stifling and suffocating. Our waitress came back with our drinks shortly thereafter.

“So are you guys ready to order?”

“Yes I’ll have the linguine pescatora.” Levi said handing the menu to our waitress. I looked at her nametag and it read Hitch. She had short light brown hair that was almost blond with how light it was with large eyes that were almost the same color as her hair.

“And for you?” She asked turning her eyes in my direction.

“Hmm, What’s your personal favorite?”

“Well it would  prob-”

“I’ll take whatever it is, it can be a surprise.”

“Okay. Will that be all?”

“Yes.” Levi answered for me, and with that Hitch was off. But Levi and I remained in an unpleasant silence until our food arrived twenty minutes later. She set Levi’s pasta down in front of him and set what looked like beef stroganoff in front of me, we both thanked her before she once again flitted off to go fill someone else’s order. I said grace quickly like always and started eating, as Levi picked up his fork and did the same. Ten minutes had passed before Levi looked up at me.

“Slow down brat, the food isn’t going anywhere. Don’t be so gluttonous.” He commented. My hand stopped halfway between my mouth and my plate, my eyes widened as I looked up at him. My mouth was just hanging open as I stared. _Was I really being gluttonous? I thought I was just eating, I was just hungry, I hadn’t eaten all day after all, but he has to be right. He wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true, but he sounded so much like_ him _. Does that mean that_ he _was always right when he said that?_

I closed my mouth suddenly as a wave of nausea passed over me, and I could hear my teeth click together from the force. I abruptly stood covering my mouth with my hand and sped off to find the bathroom. I heard Levi calling after me but I didn’t stop, I just continued on in my search for the restroom, weaving between table of dining guests, in the hopes that I’ll make it in time because throwing up in the middle of this restaurant on the carpet sounded mortifying. I caught sight of the little sign and had to remind myself not to run. I reached the door grasping the cold metal of the handle before throwing the door open. I darted into the first stall not even having time to close the door behind me before I was emptying my stomach into the toilet. My throat burned and my eyes watered, the worst part being the fact that I couldn’t breathe. All I was doing at this point was retching, there was nothing coming out of my mouth but my throat was clenched shut and it felt like someone was squeezing my chest. There were dark spots floating around my sight but still no air was making its way into my lungs like it should be and I felt a sharp stab of panic course through me. I felt a hand on my back and it was like a shock to my system, almost like plunging into cold water. I sucked in a deep breath, but was instantly met with another wave of vomit, but Levi (I’m guessing that’s who that was) never ceased in rubbing my back. When that finally passed I sat back up against the wall of the stall taking deep breaths and trying not to hyperventilate. Levi crouched down so he was eye level with me, he looked worried and I almost felt bad. Almost. This was his fault after all.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked after staying quiet for a minute or two. I didn’t trust myself not to start throwing up again if I opened my mouth to speak so I opted for a simple shake of my head, indicating that no, I was not okay.

“Do you want to head back to Hanji’s?” I nodded my head in affirmation. He helped me up, but my vision was still swimming, like the whole world was off kilter. I would have fallen over if he hadn’t had grabbed me, but with the way he grabbed me, with how hard he grabbed me, and the way my head was still fuzzy it wasn’t Levi touching me, it was _him_ and I instinctively shoved him away, and I almost lost my footing in the process.

“Eren?” Levi called hesitantly.

Nothing was like it was supposed to be, the world kept tilting and shifting, my head felt like it might implode if I wasn’t careful, and sometimes I was here, in the present, in the bathroom, but other times I was curled up against the front door with _him_ standing over me shouting at me, shouting my name. Even though Levi wasn’t shouting my head hurt and it felt like even a whisper would set my already fragile state of being off.

“Eren, what’s wrong? Eren?” Levi was speaking softly, but he might as well have been screaming in my ear, and he tried taking a few steps in my direction. He was a couple of feet away from me when I pushed myself up against the counter of the sink and again I almost fell.

“Eren, please talk to me. What wrong?” I tried to answer, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a whimper, desperate and pleading. Everything hurt now, not just my head, but my whole body, I could swear that all my nerve endings were on fire. Violent shudders were overtaking me and I thought I might collapse, I thought distantly that I was having a seizure, something that hadn’t happened since I was much younger and all I could do was pray that that was not that case. The darkness was once again trying to encroach upon my already fuzzy eye sight and I shook my head ever so slightly, but I might as well have just been bashed over the head with the pain that spiked through my nervous system. I sucked in a deep and ragged breath and tried reaching out for Levi. He quickly caught on and rushed to me, holding me securely to him. I was both comforted and afraid. My head still wasn’t clear and he still turned into Zackary occasionally, but I tried to ignore it so I wouldn’t lose my support.

“Come on, we’re leaving, right now.” And with that he quite literally swept me off my feet, cradling me to his chest like you would a small child. He rushed out of the restroom, gaining a few stares from other patrons not that I was lucid enough to care. I felt my eyes closing, but I knew better than to let that happen, the one thing I could pick out of all my jumbled memories was my mother telling to never fall asleep after a seizure, even if that wasn’t what this was I am not going to take any chances.

“Talk.” I barely mumbled out hoping that Levi would hear me.

“What?”

“Talk, keep me awake.” I honestly have no idea how I was able to force that out of myself, or how it was even coherently but I thanked whatever lucky stars I may have left at this point. And from that moment on he talks non-stop until we get to… his house? I hadn’t even realized through my barely conscious haze that, yes, we were in fact at his home and not Hanji’s. I tried to mumble out a question that was supposed to be as to why we were here, but it was lost even in my own ears.

“Terra!” Levi shouted, as soon as we were through his large and ornate front door.

“Oui monsieur?” they said rushing out of one of the glass doors leading into another large room. I’m vaguely aware that there are four doors like that on this floor and briefly wonder how it was I missed them the first time I was here, probable all the people.

“Appelez Hanji et le médecin Brzenska. Maintenant!” he said, I have no clue what they are saying but I positive that they’re speaking French.

My head tilts back just as Levi and I pass under his enormous crystal and for some unknown reason I get a flashback of sitting around on my bed surrounded by wrappers of candy and chips watching The Phantom of the Opera with Mikasa and Armin, and a lazy smile makes its way onto my face.

“Hey Eren, can you hear me?” I let out a hum, anything else would require too much effort.

“Don’t worry, okay? Terra is calling Hanji, I’m sure they’ll be here any minute now.” He finishes just as we reach the top of the first curved staircase, almost like the Von Trapps foyer from The Sound of Music. I find myself almost laughing at all the musical references that I’m making.

I’m brought out of my thought when Levi shifts me in his arms so he can open a large door with elaborate carvings on it, or would it be in it because it’s carved into the actual door? And soon my thought are again wandering about, flitting from one subject to another so fast that I have a hard time keeping up with it. I feel myself being placed on a soft duvet and my head is placed gently on a pillow, it feels like silk beneath my fingertips and my head sinks comfortably into said pillow. I feel my eyes drifting shut but can’t bring myself to stay awake anymore. I briefly think to myself that I shouldn’t be falling asleep, but I don’t even care, and I plummet into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a general dislike of the French language, no offense intended for anyone who does or who is actually french, but the sounds they make kind of just want to make me pull my hair out, however since I decided to put French in here I just have to get over it. I'm sure that you guys can figure out what "Oui monsieur" means, but if you don't know it means "Yes sir" and "Appelez Hanji et le médecin Brzenska. Maintenant!" means "Call Hanji and doctor Brzenska. Now!", at least I think it does if I remember anything from my freshman year of high school (p.s. I don't remember anything).  
> And now that I have that out of the way, I have some news. I may or may not be able to post on Friday, I'm going to be extremely busy. If I'm not able to update I'll post a one-shot as an apology on Saturday, though I may post it even if I can somehow manage to update.   
> Also HOLY SH!T!!!! I have more the one thousand hits and I may just die of happiness, like I can feel my soul leaving my body already, and it's amazing. Thank you guys so much, I really can't say that enough, even if I say it at the end of every chapter. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!  
> Until next time, Pyxy out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know I'm a terrible person, but thank you guys for being patient and understanding. This is a bit of a longer chapter to make up for being gone so long, it's almost five thousand words I'm actually kind of proud of myself, unfortunately I don't necessarily like how it turned out, but I'll let you guys be the judge of that. Anyway go read and enjoy.

I awoke to a pounding headache and feeling as if my body weighed a ton. I groaned and tried shifting into a more comfortable position, but was instantly met with my entire being, being hit with an excruciating amount of pain, as if someone had dropped a couple hundred pounds of bricks on me. I let out a scream this time and within twenty seconds I had three people standing over me and two standing by the door, though in the end I chose to ignore them in favor of staring up at the three people by my… bed? _No this isn’t my bed. Where the fuck am I?_

I look around and discover that I’m in a very large, and very extravagantly decorated room. The ceiling is vaulted, wood ornate trims going around the whole room. The room is bathed in warm fading sunlight filtering through light and gauzy curtains that are close to a maroon hue. The walls are a color similar to an apricot and it complements the curtains beautifully. There is a large dark brown dresser chest up against a far wall and there appears to be what looks like a tea set on top of it, next to a door that I assume leads to a bathroom that is just as elegant as the rest of Levi’s house... estate… mansion?  Whatever it is he lives in. I notice that there is a huge shelving unit that has nothing but books and another door that most likely leads to a walk-in closet that takes up an entire wall on the wall adjacent the dresser that is the same shade of brown as the dresser, and the four poster bed that has a white canopy that I somehow missed up until now. The duvet I’m lying under is the same color as the drapes.

No one has said a word since my initial cry of agony earlier, but I’m unsure as to whether or not they are waiting for me to speak or if they’re simply collecting their thoughts.

“Why are you guys all crowded around the bed.” I ask, my voice sounding distant and scratchy. I can’t quite believe that that was my voice.

And just like that everyone unfroze. Hanji was the first to speak, “Oh, my angel how are you feeling?” they asked sitting careful on the edge of the enormous bed.

“My body feels like it’s on fire and my head feels as if someone has taken a sludge hammer to it.” I reply hoarsely.

“I’m so sorry that this keeps happening to you.” Hanji said flopping down on top of me in what I guess you could consider an embrace of some sort, however, my body hurts and I don’t think they understood quite how much, not until tears immediately made their way to my eyes and I cried out in anguish. They sat up instantly looking down at me with what could only be horror of some kind, whether it was at themselves for causing my pain, or just at the amount of pain I was in.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” They kept repeating over and over again, flitting their hands around me without actually touching me.

“Hanji.” Levi said, “I think it would be best if you left until later, like after Dr. Brzenska has finished examining Eren.”

“Aww, but-”

“No Hanji. You can either leave willingly or I’ll drag you out of here myself.” He said glaring hard at them crossing his arms over his chest which was covered in a tight light grey muscle shirt. If you asked me I think it was unfair that anyone was allowed to be that attractive. Not that I find him attractive, that would mean that I have feelings for Levi and I told myself I was done with that kind of heart ache.

“Or…” I said getting everyone’s attention, “you could ask me what I think.”

“And what is it that you want?” the third person in the huddled group, whom I’m assuming is Dr. Brzenska, spoke for the first time since I woke up.

“Well, I want Hanji and Levi in here, but it would be nice if you could all take a few steps back, you guys kind of put me on edge when you do whatever it is you’re doing. Why are you all hovering over me?”

“You screamed. We were simply making sure that you were alright.”

“Okay, but if you know that I’m alright now why are you still standing over me?”

“Because you don’t look alright.” And that statement gave me pause. _What did I actually look like? Was I pale or something?_

I went to brush my hair out of my face and found that my bangs were slick with sweat and stuck to my forehead, I was covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“I need a shower.” I muttered under my breath.

“And you can take one as soon as the doctor is done checking you.” Levi said. I hadn’t realized anyone had heard me so when he first spoke I was confused as to what he was talking about.

“You’ve said that three times already, but I’ve still just been lying here.”

“Actually I’ve only said it twice, brat, so shut up.”

“Whatever, can we just get this over with.” I breathed out heavily in exasperation.

[Levi’s POV]

Eren screamed through most of the process. If Rico even brushed her fingers over his skin he would cringe, and god forbid she actually had to apply more pressure. It was heart-wrenching to have to listen to him and I had to remember to restrain myself. Time seemed to drag on and on, and I wasn’t even the one in pain. By the time she was done with her agonizingly thorough look over, Eren was drenched with sweat and shaking like… like a Chihuahua, I hate those dogs so much, and the way they shake is one of them, and that is exactly how Eren looked. If it were under any other circumstance I would laugh and the thought, but he was in tears, and I promised to make sure he never cried again. I was brought out of my thoughts by Rico motioning for me and Hanji to follow her to a corner out of Eren's ear shot.

“So what’s wrong with him?” Hanji asked excitedly, well not excited per se, but Hanji’s is always a bit exuberant no matter how grave the situation is.

“Nothing is ‘wrong’. It looks like he had a seizure, and now all of his nerves are hypersensitive. It’s not necessarily common, but it’s also nothing to worry about since he has a pre-existing history of seizures. I would just keep an eye on him until the pain subsides. If it doesn’t within the next two days bring him in. Make sure he gets plenty of rest, and plenty of fluids. Make sure he eats, but don’t force him if he declines. Other than that just make sure he doesn’t force himself to do too much too fast. If he has a job I would recommend him taking the next few days off. Any questions?” she finished in that cold and almost detached voice of hers. I may dislike her as a person in general, but she’s one of the best doctors money can buy so I got over it.

 

 

“No.”

“No.”

“Good, if his condition declines any call me immediately.” And with that she turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind herself. With Rico gone, Hanji and I walked back over to Eren who now sitting up and was mostly calm, if not for the heavy breathing.

“Want to take that shower now.” I asked, not bothering to ask him how he was doing when it was obvious what the answer was.

“Yeah.” He went to swing his legs over the side of the bed, but there was no way I was letting him walk. I swiftly moved to the side of the bed and picked Eren up, one arm under his legs behind his knees with other supporting his back. He cried out again as I supported his full weight, but aside from that was quiet.

“Hanji would you mind running back to your place to get clothes for Eren?” I called over my shoulder.

“Sure thing Levi, I’ll see you in a few.” Shortly after I heard the bedroom door open and close.

“Terra obtenir la porte pour moi plait. Antoine avoir des serviettes chauffants et être prêt quand je l'appelle pour vous.” I said to the two servants still waiting by the door. Terra rushed to get to the door of the bathroom before I did. She opened it and stepped in. I heard Eren gasp and looked down at him, he looked like a kid in a candy shop. I felt a smirk pull at the corner of my lips, I had designed the bathroom myself after all, with high ceiling just like the bedroom. It was so big that you could probably fit my bed in here and still have room to move about comfortably.

There was a large, white tub with two steps leading up to it on the far wall, you could fit maybe six people in there and they wouldn’t be crowded, and it was so deep that when filled, if I was sitting in it the water would go just above the level of my shoulders. There was a glass shower on the left situated in the corner. It was roomy with maybe enough room for two or three people. It had multiple shower heads that shot water from different angles with different setting for each one, and you had the option of just using one, a few, or all of them. There was a double sink and vanity on the wall with the door and on the right hand side of the spacious room was the toilet which was white just like the tub. All the metal surfaces were chrome which complemented the grey paint nicely. The decorative towels were black with white embroidery.

“So do you want to take a shower or bath?” I asked after I had set Eren down on the counter top.

“Huh?” he brought his focus back to me.

“Do you want to take a shower, or do you want to take a bath? It was a very simple question and I prefer it if I didn’t have to repeat it.” I said in a bored manner.

“Oh, um, I guess a bath, if you wouldn’t mind.” I sighed, he acts as if I’m going to snap at him and almost always sounds so curt when speaking to me.

“If I had minded I wouldn’t have asked in the first place.” I got up going over to the large tub accessing a large control panel and inputting the setting. I stepped back as it started filling with water striding over to the black cabinet resting in between the tub and shower.

“Do you want bubbles?”

“No.”

“Okay then. What scent do you want? There’s lavender and vanilla, chamomile, sandalwood , eucalyptus, orange ginger, jasmine, a whole lot more that I really don’t feeling listing, therefore I would appreciate it if you could pick from the ones I already listed.” I droned. It was almost comical how I had said all that in a breath.

“Orange ginger, please.” I grabbed the bottle strutting back over to the tub and poured a generous amount of the scented oil in. Eren and I stayed in silence, him still perched on the counter and me leaning against the wall by the bathtub. When it was done filling I turned the water off.

“So I’m going to assume you can get undressed and into the tub by yourself.” I said looking over at him, and he stiffened under my gaze.

“I, uh, I should be able to. If I can’t I’ll just call you.” He finished the last sentence while shrugging.

“Okay, I’ll be on the other side of the door until you tell me you’re good.” Making my way out of the bathroom I sent him one last side long glance. I shut the door behind me leaning against it and simply waited. Several minutes passed, but I still hadn’t heard anything from him. I had heard lots of whimpering and some mumbled cursing, but it had been silent for a few minutes now and I was getting antsy.

“Hey Eren! Are you alright?” more whimpering and a frustrated groan.

“I’m fine, but I kind of need your help.” I let out a sigh shaking my head and walk back into the bathroom before being stopped in my tracks. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to see when I first walked in but a half-naked Eren wasn’t it, but it was more about _which_ half was naked. Apparently he had managed to get his pants and underwear off, while still sitting on the sink, but not his shirt. He was trying, rather unsuccessfully if you asked me, to be modest and attempting to cover himself, but he was only using one hand while the other was pressed firmly against his chest.

“Does your arm hurt?” I asked approaching, being sure to remind myself not to let my gaze drift any lower than his eyes for fear that it would keep sinking and sinking until, well…

“Yeah, I can’t willingly move it. It would be nice if you could help me get my shirt off.” He responded in a quiet voice, staring off to the side not willing to look at me. When I was standing to in front of him I grabbed the hem of his shirt.

“This is gonna hurt, I’ll say that much, so I apologize in advanced.”

“Then make it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.”

“On the count of three then?” he nodded.

“One, two, three.” All at once I pull the shirt up and over Eren’s head, along with his arms, which when now that I think about it I should have either seen coming or thought of before-hand. Eren let out a small shriek of pain almost falling off the counter, and he would have had I not grabbed him, though again I really should think before doing certain things.

For instance, if a certain brat, whom is the current victim of your affections at this point in time, who is also naked, happens to fall, do _not_ under any circumstances grab them by the hips. Above all other makes sure that if you do, they does not in turn braces themselves with _both_ of their hands on each of your shoulders, and even if you manage to somehow screw both of those up, do not _ever_ look down, even if it’s for a millisecond, you _cannot_ look _down_. However, if you fuck up each and every single one of those things, don’t stare, and God forbid you do, but if you do, don’t get caught.

 And I did all of those. Every single fucking thing on that mental checklist I somehow managed to do. _Fuck my life._

Eren leant his head on my shoulder, thankfully, pulling me out of my thoughts which were quickly spiraling into an abyss of nothingness. He was breathing hard and shaking, and had it not been because he was in pain, I almost would have found it erotic. _God, I’m so fucked up. What the hell is wrong with me?_

But I didn’t know what to do. Should I try and comfort him? And even if I did try how was I supposed to go about doing that when he was naked? A few ideas flitted through my head, none of which were suitable for the situation at hand. I really needed to get my mind away from that particular gutter, if I was going to focus. I cleared my throat before trying to speak.

“Are you good?”

“No.” I let out an internal groan.

“Do you still want to-” but my sentence trailed off as I looked into the mirror and at Eren’s back. It was covered in scar, probably from tiny lacerations, but what could have caused them? They looked too old to be from Eren’s encounter with Zackary, but the thing that got me the most was the long scar the was rugged and thick and ran all along the length of his hips, from one side to the other. I tentatively moved my hand along the scar, feeling Eren stiffen under my touch. I got to the center of his back before Eren pulled on my arm. He pushed me away from him and looked down.

“I should probably try and get in now before the water gets cold.” He said in a voice so quiet I almost didn’t hear it, his hands clenched in his lap.

“Are yo-” but before I could even finish my question he cut me off.

“Get out!” he shouted, wrapping his arms around himself and leaning forward, it looked like he was bending himself in half, but again the scar caught my eye, and I saw how it rippled whenever he moved. But I wasn’t going to stay any longer, I would hate to make him more uncomfortable than he already is. I stumbled backwards into the door, ripping it open and slamming it shut behind me. _Fuck! Why did I have to do that? What is wrong with me? Why do I keep giving him reasons to hate me?_

I paced back and forth in front of my bed and waited for Hanji to return for a good twenty minutes. Terra and Antoine just stood there watching me, sure that was what I paid them for, to stand around and cater to my every whim, but their presence was driving me even further into one of my very unexplored emotions: anger. I was angry at myself for being stupid and reckless, I was angry at Eren for pushing me away, both literally and figuratively. I was angry at Hanji for not being back yet, I was angry at my servants for just standing around waiting for me to give them orders, and I was especially angry that life liked being a bitch and screwing around with everything, that almost gives me some sort of happiness, even if I don’t show it.

“Sortez, vous deux et ne viennent pas retour à moins que je donne la parole pour vous!” I growled out to the two figures standing by the door. They scampered out of sight, I let out a long and frustrated groan and threw myself onto my bed. I buried my face in the thick comforter on the bed. I stayed like that until Hanji came in the room some odd number of minutes later.

“I’m ba-” I looked up at them as they took in the room, “What did you do now?” they asked. I stared incredulously at them, “How do you know that I did anything?”

“You look like someone just killed your only friend, and I’m standing right here, so you shouldn’t look so down. Therefore the only other reason I could think of by process of elimination is that something happened with Eren, and as long as you didn’t cause another breakdown, I won’t have to kill you over it.” I did some more staring for a moment and they waited patiently for… something I guess, but as to what I had no clue.

“Do you know what the scars on Eren’s back are from?” I asked bluntly keeping my voice low, while the whole place was sound proofed from the outside, the bathroom and bedroom were considered one room, so there was nothing to stop Eren from hearing me if I raised my voice to loud.

Their demeanor instantly changed, going from acting like an over-excited puppy like always to stone cold killer in zero seconds flat. There are very few people who I’m afraid of, well no, afraid is too strong of a word, but for lack of a better one I’ll go with afraid. Hanji is one of those people. When we first met our relationship was based purely off of necessity, and if you happened to cross them in any way, you were going to pay dearly for it. I did so once, and by the time they were through with me I vowed to never make that mistake again. Every now and then my shoulder and ankle would ache from the injuries I sustained from them.

I hadn’t realized there was a line to cross until it was too late, I sat up from the bed as they approached me, the sun glinting off their glasses to hide their eyes. I never understood how whenever they were angry or feeling especially mischievous the sun would somehow find their lenses, but it never ceased to freak me out. When they were standing directly in front of me, they took their glasses off and I knew I was fucked. My brain scrambled for something to say to maybe appease the angry god standing in front of me, emanating such a dark aura that it made my skin crawl. I tried to hide the fact that I was internally warring with myself, but I knew they saw right through it. They stared at me appraisingly before finally speaking.

“How did you see them?” _See them?_ I was going to give a snarky answer along the lines of ‘with my eyes’ but knew better than to try and joke myself out of this.

“Eren couldn’t get his shirt off by himself, so I helped. I may or may not have seen them then,” I debated on whether or not I should tell them that I also touched them and figured that if they heard from Eren that I did, they would kill me, and decided it would be best if I did it myself, “and I may or may not have run my fingers over the larger one, before he shoved me away.”

“You _touched_ them? What would possess you to do that?” they asked accusingly, as if I was the one who put them there.

“Well he almost fell off the counter, and I went to keep him steady and I saw them and my hand kind of just… there really isn’t any good outcome I can see from finishing that sentence, but I’m sure you get what I’m saying.” I remembered a little too late that I wasn’t supposed to use sarcasm. I saw them lean forward, and I closed my eyes and braced for whatever they were planning on doing. I felt myself being moved almost like I was flying through the air and a sharp pain in my back as all the air left my lungs in a rush. Opening my eyes I discovered that I was on my back on the floor gasping. I groaned, but decided it would be best not to move yet, not that I could anyway with Hanji sitting on my chest.

“So, can I ask a question?” I wheezed out.

“You just did, but I guess I can give you one more.”

“Are the scars from Zackary? They look a little too old to be from him, but I figured it was best to ask.” They sighed, slumping their shoulders. They moved off of me to sit on the floor beside me, putting their glasses on as they did. If the glasses were going back on that meant I would live to see another day and I sucked in a deep breath of air.

“No they aren’t from Zackary.”

“Then what are they from?” I asked sitting up and wincing slightly from the twinge of pain in my shoulder.

“What has Eren told you about this life after his mother died?” They asked, answering my question with one of their own.

“Not much. Just that things started getting harder, that his dad started disappearing until one day he just didn’t come back.”

“Did he tell you about the manner in which his dad left that last time?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Oh trust me, if he had told you, you would remember. And I’m sorry but this also isn’t my secret to tell you. You’ll have to wait till he opens up to you about it, nothing else you can do.” They got up after that and left the room leaving me to sit on the floor. _What could have happened to cause that? Do I even want to find out? Why is this kid’s past so tragic?_

“Levi!” Eren shouted from the bathroom. I was up and knocking at the door in a flash.

“Come in!” I opened the door, peeking my head inside.

“I need help getting out of the tub.” He said, bowing his head. I walked to the door of my bedroom and shouted, “Antoine, apportez-moi les serviettes maintenant!” I heard hurried footsteps soon after that and within forty seconds I had heated towels being handed to me.

“Merci.” I said shutting the door and heading back to the bathroom. I stood in front of Eren wondering how I was going to get him out without a, hurting him, or b, exposing him.

“I’m going to drain the tub, it’ll take a minute.”

“Why?” he asked tilting his head making him look like a puppy.

“Because it will be easier to get you out like that.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier for you to just help me stand up so I don’t have to be cold waiting for the water to drain?” I felt like I was talking to a small child with the amount of questioning he was asking.

“Yes, but”

“Then help me up.” he said outstretching his wet hand to me. I was hesitant in taking it, but there was nothing else I could think of to do. I tightened my grip on his hand and grabbed his other elbow so he didn’t have to exert himself too much. He started to stand and I made sure to keep my eyes on anything but him and opted to stare at the shower instead. Once he was steady I got the towel from the counter where I had placed them previously, being sure not to look into the mirror and handed the still warm towel to Eren. He quickly wrapped it around his waist and I picked him up again. He emitted a small gasp as I lifted him, but he didn’t cry or shriek so I assumed he was doing a little better. I dropped Eren onto the bed and got his clothes that Hanji brought from off the dresser.

“Get dressed and get some sleep.” I said walking away.

“Isn’t this your bed though?”

“Yeah, but I have several other bedrooms to choose from though.” I said keeping my back to him.

“Then you sleep in here, I can take another room.”

“Eren, if I had a problem with it I wouldn’t have put you in here in the first place.”

“But Le-”

“Eren, enough, you’re staying in here.” I heard him huff, I rolled my eyes at the childish behavior.

“Fine, then you can stay with me.” at this I turned around to face him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And why not?” _Because I’m trying not to show my feelings for you, and sleeping in the same bed as you won’t help_ , is what I wanted to say, however, the words that came out of my mouth, thankfully weren’t those, “It just isn’t.”

“Too bad. I won’t sleep unless you’re in here.” He said crossing his arms over his still bare chest, but at least he had sweatpants on. _Fuck him. Fuck this stupid shitty brat who probably didn’t understand what he did to me without even trying, the sadistic bastard._

“Fine, but just for tonight.”

“Okay? Exactly how long do you expect me to be staying here?”

“Until Hanji says you can leave of course.” He let out a high pitched whine that I thought only animals could accomplish and I in turn let out a quiet chuckle. I walked over to both windows drawing the curtains, before climbing into the bed staying as close to the edge as I could without falling off the edge. The room was soon completely dark as Eren turned off the bedside lamp. We laid in silence for some time and I felt the lids of my eyes begin to droop with fatigue. That is until I felt Eren move closer to the center of the bed and reached out grabbing my arm and pulling it until I finally decided to move closer, cursing myself the whole time. He wrapped his arms around my waist and moved his head to rest on my chest, I tensed.

“Relax, I don’t bite. Well not usually anyway.” He said. I tried my best to obey him, and after a few minutes I was finally able to let the tension in my body go, drifting off to sleep listening to the sound of Eren’s steady breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, almost two thousand hits and one hundred twenty kudos! I keep saying thank and I'm sure you guys are tired of reading it, but I still feel the need to do so anyway. So thank you thank you thank you!  
> Until next time, Pyxy out.
> 
> Translations (I think)
> 
> "Terra obtenir la porte pour moi plait. Antoine avoir des serviettes chauffants et être prêt quand je l'appelle pour vous." - "Terra get the door for me please. Antoine have heated towels and be ready when I call for you."
> 
> "Sortez, vous deux et ne viennent pas retour à moins que je donne la parole pour vous!" - " Get out, you two and do not come back unless I call for you!"
> 
> "Merci." - "Thank you."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys this is just a short filler chapter and I'm sorry, but there's an important announcement that I have to make at the end of this so be sure to read it and no there is no foreshadowing in this chapter that relates in any way to my news.

It was currently nine twelve, how did I know it was nine twelve? Because I was pacing back and forth in front of the coffee machine with a little clock on the front that couldn’t be taking any longer to finish brewing. I was bouncing from foot to foot watching as the maids and whatnot rushed around cleaning the already immaculate living space. That was so like Levi to overwork his employees cleaning things that didn’t need to be cleaned. My phone rang in my back pocket and I quickly took it out answering without looking to see who was calling.

“Hello.” I said cheerily into the phone.

“Hanji, it’s Alice.”

“Oh, hey. Why are you calling me today? I have off.” Alice was the supervisor for the whole region of Scout’s pet store.

“Yeah I know, but I got a call from the CEO of this branch and said that since your one of the best they want to move you to one of their bigger locations. It’s two states away in Montana, but their offering to pay to have everything moved for you and any other expenses so long as you can be out there within two weeks.” My usually hyperactive brain lapsed for a moment or two as I processed the new information, once my brain finally caught up my eyes widened with realization.

“Move?! I can’t just pack up and move two states away. I have things and people here that I can’t just leave.” Alice sighed on the other end of the line.

“Listen I know that this is inconvenient, but I’m also quite positive that this is an order. I don’t think that you can say no to this, they just offered all this to make it seem like they’re less of a bad guy. If I were you I would call and say that you would love to take this offer and that they are being quite generous and as a sign of gratitude you will be out there in a week instead of two.”

I groaned, _what was I supposed to do about Eren? Could I bring him with me? Would he even be willing to move?_

“I’ll call you back later on today with an answer to give to them okay?”

“Yeah, just be sure to call before three.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I said waving my hand in a dismissing gesture even though Alice couldn’t see it. I hung up and stared down at my phone in my hand for a few minutes. I made my way upstairs to the room Eren is sleeping in. He’s probably still asleep so I don’t bother knocking. Upon entering the room I see one of the cutest sights ever and it has me squealing silently dancing from foot to foot. Eren is curled into Levi’s side with his head resting on Levi’s chest, while Levi on the other hand has an arm draped over Eren’s waist, hugging him close to his chest with his chin resting ever so slightly on top or Eren’s head. I quickly took my phone out snapping a few pictures before putting it away so I could wake them up. I walked back out the door and calmed myself. I flung the door open wide, it banged against the wall and I screeched Eren’s name at the top of my lungs. But Eren didn’t even budge, my poor angel must be exhausted. Instead it was Levi who woke up, but he didn’t move.

“Shut up glasses. It’s too early in the morning for you to be screaming like that.” Levi grumbled in a deep, sleepy voice.

“Well I wasn’t expecting you to be in here.” I said walking up to the end of the bed and plopping onto it, “Actually, why are you in here anyway? What you just couldn’t resist?”

“Shut up. Eren refused to sleep unless I was in here. Stubborn brat.” He shifted some so he could watch me. I sobered up and he recognized the seriousness immediately.

“I have some news. I need you to wake Eren up for me. Meet me outside for breakfast in ten.” he nodded, I got up and walked away after that.

“Terra!” I shouted halfway down the stairs. She met me at the bottom and waited for me to speak, “Avoir un plateau petit déjeuner prêt dès que possible.”

“Oui bien sûr.” She bowed then scampered off towards the kitchen. I made my way to one of the glass doors that leads to the outside dining area. It was a nice day and I thought it would help with delivering the news to Eren and Levi, but more so Eren than anyone else. I grasped both handles of the French doors and pushed them open, being met with a crisp morning breeze. Walking away from the open doors and off the patio I quickly made my way to the large marble table set up in a courtyard with a large fountain with a statue of a fawn playing a lute that lazily spouts water from its instrument. I sat and waited for Levi and Eren to exit the house, I spaced out at one point, only being brought back when Levi almost pushed me out of my chair.

“Oww, Levi~.” I whined.

“Why on earth are you this annoying even if it’s not ten yet?” he asked, sounding every bit the annoyed best friend that I knew him to be.

“Because why not?!” I shouted throwing my arms in the air. At that moment Terra, Antoine, and a few other servants brought out three platters, several pitchers of juice, syrups, jams, and jellies, and a basket of different fruits.

“Merci. Vous avec tous les autres serez soulagé pour le reste de la journée.” Levi said dismissing everyone. They all bowed and left us alone in the courtyard. We lifted the lids of out platters and were greeted by a wonderful smell of different foods. There was bacon cooked to perfection, eggs that were warm and fluffy, and perfectly golden pancakes that had little pads of butter melting on top.

“Wow! This looks amazing!” Eren declared. We all dug into our food silently, not speaking a word to one another. Levi kept throwing glances at me, but I didn’t want to ruin the peaceful atmosphere just yet. Once all of us were mostly done I cleared my throat gaining the attention of my two dining companions.

“So Eren, I have some news!” I said excitedly, he waited expectantly for me to continue. “We’re moving!” That expectant expression, slowly morphed into confusion, then realization, and finally something akin to outrage. All the while Levi remained silent.

“What?! Why?! I don’t want to move!”

“Well I got a call earlier. I’m being transferred to a new location… in Montana… and I have to be out there within two weeks.” Eren stared at me dumbfounded.

“No, I’m not leaving. I’ll just have to find my own place before you go.” He said crossing his arms.

“Eren don’t be ridiculous, you could barely afford the last shit hole you happened to stay in. You have no way of caring for yourself. Is that not why you’re staying with me in the first place?”

“And you know that it was only supposed to be temporary, only until I was back on my feet. Almost dying a few times has a tendency to screw with how you live and operate. Besides you’re the one who said you’d always be there, that you’d always take care of me, and now you’re leaving just like everyone else does.” He spat out at me, I flinched at the vehemence in his voice.

“I have an idea.” Levi said, finally speaking up. “Why don’t you just live with me?” he asked looking over at Eren. Eren in turn stared blankly at Levi, slowly blinking a few times before responding with a simple, “No.”

“And why not? I have plenty of space, it’s not much farther away from anything than Hanji’s, and I’m offering to let you stay here when I have a strong dislike of living with anyone but my maids and butlers. I think it’s a good idea.”

“And I agree.” I said jumping in as soon as Levi was finished. I hadn’t even thought about the possibility that Eren could live here with Levi. He would be well looked after too, not that he’s a child or not capable of taking care of himself, but his health, both mental and physical, have been unstable. This would be the perfect environment for him to be able to rest. When I looked over at Eren he was deep in thought, his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration.

Eventually he let out a deep sigh, “Fine, but this, just like with Hanji, is only temporary.”

“That’s wonderful! I’m glad you agreed.” I said beaming at the both of them. Eren shot me a withering glare, while Levi looked as indifferent as always.

“I’m going back to bed.” Eren said standing abruptly. He marched back towards the house with his hands clenched into fist.

“Well that could have gone better.” Levi said, resting his chin in the palm of his hand.

“Yeah, I guess. Thanks for offering him a place to stay.”

“I didn’t do it for you. I knew that if you didn’t say ‘never mind we’re staying here” he would be the stubborn idiot that he is and found the cheapest place he came across. This is my way of not only keeping him from doing something stupid but also making sure that he’s taken care of and watched.”

“So you pretty much had the some thought I did.” I laughed out.

“Great minds think alike I suppose.”

“Yeah, but the greater mind thinks first.” In response to my little remark Levi gave me a choice finger before standing and stretching.

“I’m going to go make sure he doesn’t do anything crazy like burn my house to the ground. We’ll talk more later.” He waved his hand once while walking away. Once he was inside I let out a long and loud groan. This is very inconvenient, and now Eren is angry with me. Sure I didn’t do anything wrong, but he probably won’t realize that until later. I continued to sit at the table, nursing a glass of grape juice for another half hour before going back inside to call Alice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovies. I hope you liked this short filler chapter, but I have some more news. I know that I was gone for a week and a half but life is throwing me a lot of curve balls right now and I need to take another break, but I'm not sure how long this one is going to be. One of my uncles passed away today and I'll be going to his funeral. Even if I did somehow manage to find time to write I probably wouldn't. At best I'll be posting again next Monday, but I don't know. Sorry guys.
> 
> Thanks you guys for all the hits and kudos. I really appreciate it. Have a nice week.
> 
> Translations (I think)  
> "Avoir un plateau petit déjeuner prêt dès que possible." - "Have a breakfast platter ready as soon as possible."
> 
> "Oui bien sûr." - "Yes of course."
> 
> "Merci. Vous avec tous les autres seront soulagés pour le reste de la journée." - "Thank you. You along with all the other will be relieved for the rest of the day."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just a heads up, I skipped around to different parts of the day because I didn't know how to fill in certain spots. I'm also a little disappointed about how this turned out. It seems like my writing just keeps getting worse and worse the longer I write this fic, but I don't know how to fix any of it. Everything just seems really shitty right now. Anyway enough of me wallowing in self pity, go ahead and read.

We, being Levi and I, were trying to finish moving the last of my boxes into the room that I had chosen to stay in since there was no way I was going to continue to sleep in his room with him. Not that I had a lot of boxes, but it was going to be tedious sorting through the things that I kept from being with  _him_ , the things from the apartment that I had stayed in for those few short months, and frivolous items that Hanji had decided they wanted to buy me for no other reason than the fact they could. So I had four or five boxes filled with junk that I would have to sort through later after I was settled into my new life with Levi, not to mention the four boxes of clothing. We were trying to hurry so we could finish making preparations for Hanji’s going away party. We decided to mix the overnight thing we were supposed to be throwing and Hanji’s going away party. Sure the servants were doing most of the work to set everything up, but Levi felt this obscene need to watch all of them like a hawk, as if they were going to somehow mess everything up if they weren’t being supervised. And now that I lived there I apparently had to watch them just as intently as Levi did, even if it made everyone involved uncomfortable. Or maybe they're all perfectly fine and it was only me, but who knows? It's not as if I can ask anyhow.

I set the last box down up against a black dresser that was almost as tall as I was, therefore it was taller than Levi and I was trying very hard not to laugh at him for this as he stood in front of it. This dresser was almost a head taller than he was,  _how tall is he? He can't be more than five four, but he's also taller than five foot nothing. So five two, five three maybe._

“Hurry up Eren, stop looking constipated, we have other things to do today.” Levi snapped out at me, and I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I say as I wave him off and follow him out of my new room.

~

“You and Armin are still going to be coming tonight right?”

 _“I already said yes Eren, I’ve told you that several times now. Besides, there’s no way I wouldn’t check out where you’re living now, and who you’re living with. Just remember if I don’t like him or where you’re staying you won’t be staying there.”_  I figured that Mikasa would be an overbearing mother-hen about this. The last time she had been at my house, wherever that was, I was still with Zackary. I hadn’t mentioned that I moved into Hanji’s, or some dump of an apartment, or back to Hanji’s. Whenever we were hanging out during that time was at our favorite bakery, or her or Armin’s dorm. If I ever get the nerve to tell her about what’s been going on over the past couple of years she’s going to kill me, then raise Zackary from the dead just to slowly torture him then kill him again. I felt my stomach drop at the thought of having to tell her, she’s going to blame herself for not seeing it sooner even if I was the one who hid all of my problems from her in the first place.

“Of course Mika, I would expect nothing less of you. Anyway, dinner is at six thirty, so I’ll see you at six? That should be enough time to give you a nice tour of the place and show you your room.”

 _“Okay, see you in a couple of hours._ ”

“Yeah, see you then.” Just a few more hours.

In the mean time since I didn’t have to watch the maids anymore and Levi wasn’t breathing down my neck, I decided I would for a stroll through Levi’s estate, I was informed by Hanji that that is what it is known as. Most people would assume that in order to go on a stroll that you would need to be outside, but this place is huge and I’m still not entirely familiar with everything, I’ve gotten lost twice since staying here. Because while I may not have moved my stuff until today, I’ve been living here since my incident last week, also in that week time frame I was fired from Maria’s, apparently when you have to take off almost three weeks and you’ve only worked there for a handful of months, even if all of the times I took off was for extenuating circumstances, you’re liable to get fired, which I was. I'm sure that the only reason I wasn't fired from Scout's was the fact that Hanji is the manager, and I've worked there for more than four years. I guess it’s a good thing that I moved in with Levi though. I let my thoughts wander as I myself wandered. I didn’t really pay attention to where I was going or what I was doing until I bumped into someone.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

“Je suis tellement désolé monsieur, s'il vous plaît pardonnez-moi. Je suis désolé.” The maid whom I ran into kept repeating that over and over again while bowing, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was trying to tell her it was fine. And it was in times like this that I regret not learning French. I looked around for anyone to help me with her, but it was in vain. I tried to dredge up phrases that I remembered and I came up with, “S'il vous plaît arrêter. Ca va.” Whatever it was I said either made sense or I just offended her, but either way she quieted before standing.

“Oui monsieur.” She said before scampering away, leaving me highly confused and slightly put off. Brushing it off I do a one eighty and march back towards the main foyer, but I got lost, again. I know there’s a turn somewhere that I’m supposed to take, but did I already pass it or is it still ahead of me or did I go down a wrong turn, should I go back?

“Fuck it, I’m calling Levi.” I mutter under my breath. Pulling out my phone I hesitated in dialing him, I knew he was going to make snide comments and probably mock me too. I swallowed my pride, hid my dignity away for safe keeping, took a deep breath and called him. I held the phone up to my ear waiting for him to answer. The phone rang three times before a bored voice answered. “What is it Eren? Why are you calling me?”

“Um, I got lost… again. I was wondering if you could come get me.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Why do you keep wandering off if you don’t know your way around here yet?”

“Well I won’t learn if I don’t look, and I got bored so it seemed like a good idea at the time, so yeah.” I said shrugging as if he could see me. When he sighed I could  _hear_  him rolling his eyes.

“What wing are you in?” he asked after a moment.

“The east wing… I think. That is the one to the left of the foyer right?”

“Yes, are you still in the main hallway, or did you do something stupid like walking down another one?”

“Um maybe, I think I turned down one of the other hallways but I’m not sure which one that would be.”

“Could you find one of the maids? They could tell me exactly where you are.”

“But they only speak French.” I whined out, I cringed when I heard the way my voice echoed through the speakers.

“Shut up. No one told you to be an uncultured swine and not learn French. Now you’ll just have to wait until I can find you. Good thing we still have plenty of time before your shitty friends get here huh?”

“For your information I know six other languages, and French wasn’t high on the list of languages that I had to learn. And my friends are not shitty.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll see you… soon hopefully.”

~

“Mikasa! Armin! It’s so good to see you guys!” I said throwing my arms around them in a tight hug, which they both return with just as much fervor.

“I know! You haven’t spoken to us in a couple of months now, how have you been?” Armin asked.

“Fine, just busy really.” I said scratching the back of my neck. They had never caught onto my lies before so it shouldn’t be an issue now either.

“That’s good.” Mikasa commented.

“Yeah, anyway come in. You can set your stuff by the door, Terra or Antoine or any of the other many servants will get them.” Mikasa arched an eyebrow at me and the gesture looked vaguely familiar, but I shrugged it off.

“Yeah, I’ll tell you all about it later, anyway come on.” I led them through the foyer and into the sitting room, Levi was currently at the piano being a show-off.

“Levi say hi.”

“What!?” Mikasa shouted so suddenly that I jumped away from her.

“Of fucking course, you just had to befriend someone from the family huh Eren?”

“What?” Armin and I asked in unison. Levi stood letting out a long and exaggerated sigh in the process. “Mikasa is my cousin, though why on earth you would want to actually be friends with her is beyond me.”

“Eren why didn’t you tell me that you were living with Levi?!”

“Um, I didn’t realize that you too knew each other so I didn’t think it was necessary?” I said, though it came out as more of a question than I meant for it to.

“Levi!! Eren!!” Hanji’s voice boomed from somewhere. Levi sighed again and I flinched at the volume of their voice. This was going to be a long weekend, I could feel it.

“In here.” Levi said. Hanji came rushing in but stopped at the doorway.

“Woah, I can feel the tension. What happened?”

“Apparently Levi and Mikasa are cousins.” I said, trying to brighten the tense mood some.

“Really?! I didn’t know you had family close by Levi.”

“Neither did I.” I heard Levi mutter under his breath. At that precise moment Terra scurried into the room, whispering something to Levi, he nodded and she went on about her business.

“Dinner is almost ready. Let’s go sit.” And without another word he strode out of the room. We all follow after him, though Hanji and I are perfectly capable of getting there without being led. We remain silent as we sat and the silence continued until food is placed in front of each of us. The silence is tense and awkward, and someone needs to start talking soon before I go mad.

“So what’s been going on with you Eren? We haven’t heard from you in forever.” Armin said from his place beside Mikasa.

“I’ve been doing really well, promise.”

“Why are you living with Levi?” Mikasa asked, or more like spat out, as if the words were leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. I had no answer, I couldn’t tell the real reason, they didn’t even know Zackary was…

“Oh well, I was living with Hanji, but they got promoted so their moving to Montana. Levi offered to let me stay with him since he lives pretty close to where Hanji’s house is.” Not a lie, but not the whole truth either.

“And why were you living with Hanji? What happened to you staying with Zackary?” Armin inquired. I tensed up at the question, my brain scrambling to find an answer that would work, but nothing came to mind. I could always tell them the truth, but I’ve kept it a secret for this long and I didn’t want to tell them this problem.

“Um, well, I was… just…” I desperately looked to Levi or Hanji to help, but they both shook their heads, either they couldn’t think of anything either or they wanted me to handle this on my own, whether it was one or the other, it wasn’t helping in the slightest.

“Did you guys break up?” Armin prompted.

“Yeah, s-something like that.” I murmured bowing my head. I had to think of something to steer the conversation away from me.

“So… you guys are cousins right? Why does it seem like you hate one another?” I asked gesturing between Levi and Mikasa. Mikasa froze with her fork halfway to her mouth, turning her head in my direction to glare at me, while Levi looked as nonchalant as ever.

“Yes, that’s a very good question, don’t you think Mikasa.” Levi mocked.

“Shut up midget, it’s your fault, not mine remember?”

“No what I remember is you throwing a bitch fit for no reason just because I decided I no longer wanted to stay and placate the family. You’re mad because I left you, but that isn’t my fault. Then I come back after being gone two years to find that you wanted nothing to do with me even though I kept my promise.” Levi ground out through clenched teeth. There was a heavy silence after that. Note to self, no more changing subjects because everything is off limits. I was curious about the back story and the apparent promise, but I liked living and chose to save it for a better time to bring it up.

“So lovely weather we’re having right now don’t you think so too Armin.” Hanji damn near shouted.

“Ah, yes. It’s finally starting to be warm on a consistent basis. Statistically this is the coolest it’s been at this time of the year in almost a decade. Local meteorologists-”

“Leave it to Armin to start spouting facts that no one cares about.” I chuckled.

“Hey I care!” Hanji said, “Please continue.” They rested their elbows on the table, head held in their hands.

“Hanji no elbows on the table please, we’ve talked about this before.” I groaned out in exasperation. They grumbled, but did as asked. Armin continued his spiel, and just like that all the past tension was mostly forgotten.

~

“Erwin, yay, you’re finally here!” Hanji bounced around excitedly as they opened the door wider.

“Yeah, I apologize for being so tardy, there was a little more work than I was expecting that I had to get done before I could leave the office.”  _As formal as the last time I spoke to him._

“That’s okay, and you’re right on time for desert! It’s German chocolate cake with chocolate mousse!”

“Hanji I swear if you don’t stop screaming, I’ll kick you out.” Levi said, walking into the foyer.

“Aww, but this is my going away party, would you really do that?” they pouted, their bottom lip sticking out exaggeratedly and quivering.

“Yes I really would.” Levi deadpanned. Hanji huffed but said nothing else.

“Come on, I haven’t had a really good German cake since I was actually in Germany. Let’s see if you’re French pastry chefs are worth anything.” I head back through the foyer through the French glass doors leading to the dining room. The room always took my breath away. Between the large mahogany table, and the chair with their high, carved backs. The small chandelier that hung dead center above the table, or the way the moss green paint complemented everything in the room, including the painting that hung over the fire place. It instantly put me at ease. Though I hadn’t even realized I was tense. Levi, Hanji, and Erwin filed in after me. I sat back in my seat beside Levi who was at the head of the table, but across from Mikasa. Armin was in between Mikasa and Hanji who was at the other end of the table opposite of Levi, leaving open the chair between Hanji and I for Erwin. We were all seated, idle chit-chat going around the table as we waited for desert to be brought out.

After desert we were all still seated at the table. “It was pretty decent, though it wouldn’t even break my top ten.” I remarked as we all judged the cake.

“You’ve actually been to Germany, that doesn’t count.” Hanji said.

“Armin and Mikasa have never been to Germany, and they’ll probably say the same thing as me. What do you guys think?” I turned to face my two best friends head on.

“Out of my top ten it’s probably an eight.” Mikasa answered.

“Not in my top ten either.” Armin replied. I grinned smugly at Hanji.

“Ugh fine, whatever. As if I care.” they moped.

~

“What’s the worst pick up line someone has ever used on you?” Hanji slurred from their place in front of the fire.

“You’re first Eren.” Erwin said from the large high backed chair in Levi’s lounge.

“Hmm, oh I know. So I was at this bar during my senior year, and I was just sitting there waiting for the barista to bring my drink. This creep who smelled like Fritos by the way came up to me and he’s all like ‘I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter’ and I was so stunned that for a second all I could do was stare. And then I burst out laughing, I called him a fucking moron and told him to go before my boyfriend got back, not that I had one at the time but he didn’t need to know that. Your turn Mika.”

“This was actually pretty recent. I was out with Annie.”

“Wait,” I said cutting her off with a wave of my hands, “Annie as in Leonhart. Stoic, blue eyes, with the nose Annie?”

“Nose?” Hanji asked in confusion.

“Yes Eren, that Annie. So anyway we we’re at Club Rose, and I was about to walk away with my strawberry daiquiri and this guy stops and stares at me for a minute then he say ‘do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again’. It was the stupidest one used up to date, but of course I gave no reaction just choosing to walk away instead. Levi, you’re up.”

“Pass.” He deadpanned, again for the seventh time in a row. How he wasn’t even the slightest bit tipsy was beyond me. I’ve done five shots - I was barely feeling the effects but they were still there - up till now while Levi had done almost twice that and he still looks completely sober, if not a little looser than usual. Levi took his shot and it went to Hanji next.

“Ohh, I have the perfect one. Levi I’m sure you remember this.” They smiled devilishly and Levi looked just a bit tense, like he instantly knew what they were about to say. “So it was shortly after Levi and I first met, and I was taking him bar hopping, and I forgot how it started but it ended with us trying to outdo the other with terrible pick-ups. so we were going back and forth until I said something along the lines of 'if your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays', so Levi was silent for a while and I just knew I had this one in the bag, but then he opens his mouth and says,” they straightened up, putting on a bored expression that mimicked Levi’s perfectly and their voice dropping an octave or two to get his pitch just right, “’Is that Windex you're wearing? Because I can see myself in your pants’ I laughed until I cried. Leave it to Levi to find a way to flirt using the word Windex in a sentence. Armin, my sweet, you’re next.” Hanji chirped at the end. Yeah certainly leave it up to Levi to think of something like that.

“This one wasn’t actually funny, just more of creepy and really off putting, but this guy approached me while I was out with Eren. We were sitting at the counter during our freshman year of college and Eren and I were sitting at the counter so it didn’t necessarily look like we were there together. Anyway he says ‘We both know that I am going to follow you home anyway, so why don't you just come along peacefully’ and I honestly couldn’t tell whether or not he was joking because he just looked so serious, but leave it Eren to-”

“And moving on to Erwin because we are not discussing what I did unless you want everyone else to know what you also did.” I said hurriedly interrupting him and giving him a pointed look at which his face lit up a bright red. The others glanced around at one another before turning their attention back to us, but there was no way in anywhere that I was going to tell them anything.

I remember that night vividly despite being hammered. This douche was  _trying,_  trying being the key word, to flirt with Armin but instead they came off as this creepy stalker so I wrapped my arms around Armin’s waist and rested my head on his shoulder before telling the this dude to back the fuck off. When he continued to stand there I may or may not have started to make out with Armin right in front of him. He left in a huff, but well… one thing led to another and when I woke up the next morning to my sleeping and very  _naked_  best friend I connected the dots as to what had happened the night before. Armin and I both swore to never speak of it again and that was that. Apparently though, the alcohol in his system had made him forget. Armin has always been a light weight with booze so I couldn’t blame him really.

“So Erwin, worst pick up line ever used on you?” I said after a moment of heavy silence.

“Well, I usually don’t get a lot of those, but I am ashamed to say that I have used a few on others. There are two that I would say are equally horrendous so I’ll do both. The first being maybe five years ago when I was out on a lunch break with one of my buddies and a woman approached me and asked for the time, my response being if you’ve got the energy, it earned my a pretty hand print on my cheek. The second incident being when I was out at some bar with Levi here as my wingman and I went up to this guy and said ‘it is just me or am I gorgeous’ also earning me a red cheek. Levi being the asshole that he is decided to prove his superiority and take the guy home, he called me the next morning to gloat. But the worst part is that the guys was still there, blowing him no less.” Erwin chuckled fondly at the memory, I was struck with the brief realization that Erwin was at the very least bi, or maybe he's heteroflexible, straight but shit happens. Though his flirting sounded deliberate, so I'm putting my money on him being bisexual.

This was how it continued for the next hour, though Armin was whisked away to his room when Levi ordered Antoine to take him upstairs and tuck him in, Erwin retiring to his quarts fifteen minutes later. That left just me, Hanji, Levi, and Mikasa.

“Okay so worst break up ever. Eren you’re first.” Mikasa’s voice called out as she came back from getting a glass of water. I tensed up, along with Levi and Hanji.

“Oh well, um I don’t have a-”

“Oh please Eren, you’ve only had two boyfriends, and you dumped the first one, and that only leaves Zackary.”

“Mikasa I'd really rather not talk about Zac-” she stopped me holding one of her hands up in the universal stop sign. She came up to stand right in front of me. She squatted so we were eye level and gave me a once over. I became distinctly aware of all the little things about my appearance, from my pale skin, to the way I had lost some more weight, to the bag under my eyes. She abruptly stood up.

“How could I never have noticed this before?” she asked softly under her breath. I don’t think anyone was meant to hear it but she was standing right in front of me. “What happened between you and Zackary?” Mikasa asked in her best no bullshit tone, it was low and commanding, giving me no choice but to answer her. But I couldn’t I had gone this long without saying telling, and I just co-.

“ _Eren._ ” I looked at Levi and Hanji watching the exchange out of the corner of my eye. Deciding that I didn’t want them to listen in on the conversation I switched to Japanese, Mikasa’s first language, and hoped that niehter Hanji nor Levi could speak it as well.

“ _Mikasa I really don’t want to have this discussion right now, maybe later.”_

_“No Eren. What happened? You just said you weren’t together anymore, you didn’t say or explain why.”_

_“Because I know you’re going to freak out.”_

_“I won't freak out unless I need to, but now that you say that it makes me worried. Your relationship with Thomas was normal, as was your break up with him, and I didn’t get upset then. So why would this be different? Unless he did something to you.”_ I remained silent with my head bowed trying to find something to say in response to that, but my silence was enough. It had Mikasa grabbing my arms and looking at me with wide eyes. I had almost panicked and I saw both Levi and Hanji stand from their position on the floor and couch.

 _“What did he do to you?”_  but I still didn’t say anything.

“Eren!” Mikasa shouted, finally losing her usual calm and shaking my shoulders gently.

“He abused me okay?! So I tried to get away, and he was in prison for a while, but then he got out and came after me so I killed him! He’s dead alright! Are you happy now?!” I yelled, my throat constricted and became raw from the exertion. She stood up straight again, her back becoming rigid as she looked down at me, fury in her eyes.

_"What?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after a lot of deliberation, I decided that I'm going to cut back on the number of chapter I'm going to post from three to one. I'll probably post every Friday, maybe Saturday. Trying to keep up with my current posting schedule and school, and family and everything else is just unrealistic. Also I will be participating in Ereri week starting on Monday so look out for that.
> 
> One more little anouncement. I would like to thank everyone for being so understanding. I know that I've been taking a lot of time off, but it's nice knowing that my readers are supportive. Also, thank you for all the bookmarks, hits, and kudos, it really does mean the world to me.
> 
> Translations (I think. So I've given up trying to remember things from class and just decided to rely on google translate, sorry if anything is incorrect, and please feel free to correct me on any mistakes)
> 
> "Je suis tellement désolé monsieur, s'il vous plaît pardonnez-moi. Je suis désolé." - "I'm so sorry sir, please forgive me. I'm sorry."  
> "S'il vous plaît arrêter. Ca va." - "Please stop. It's Okay."  
> "Oui monsieur." - "Yes sir."


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry for being a terrible author and I hope you can all forgive me for my lack of posting. I also gave you a kind of long chapter to make up for it *insert unenthused cheer here*.

_“What did you just say?”_ Mikasa asked, her voice pitched low and threatening.

_“I, um, I can explain.”_ Was all I could think to say, there was enough alcohol in my system were my tongue had loosened a little too much, and now I couldn’t keep up with my own thoughts.

_“Then by all means Eren do explain! Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”_ Mikasa shouted. It had me cringing away from her, bringing my knees up to my chest and squeezing my eyes shut. She shouldn’t be yelling like this, not at me. She _couldn’t_ be yelling, she never raises her voice with me, so why was she doing it now?

“Mikasa. That’s enough.” Levi’s voice was full of authority, demanding she obey or suffer the consequences.

“Stay out of this Levi! It has nothing to do with you!” Mikasa snarled turning to face Levi.

“Actually, it kinda does. And lower your voice before you throw Eren into an anxiety attack.”

Her face scrunched up, like there was a bad smell in the air. “Anxiety attack? What are you talking about?”

“Well if you were half the friend you thought you were, then you would know exactly what it is I’m talking about.” He sneered at her.

“I’ve been his friend for years! And how long have you known him? Weeks? Months? So don’t think you can tell me that I’m a bad friend.” Mikasa’s voice was steadily rising the longer she talked, she was going to wake Armin, or Erwin if she was not careful.

“You say that, yet I’m still the one who was here to talk him down from his break downs and panic attacks. Hanji and I did that, not you. You didn’t even suspect that something might be wrong.” Levi said coolly, never once raising his voice, unlike Mikasa who was red in the face. She was about to open her mouth for an unpleasant and snappy retort, but was cut off by the sound of Armin’s sleepy voice. Perfect, just perfect, this is exactly what I don’t need right now.

“What’s going on? Why are you yelling Mikasa?” Armin’s groggy and still slightly slurred speech came from the doorway of the lounge. He was tiredly rubbing his left eye while right hand covered his mouth as he yawned.

“Armin? Did you know?” Mikasa asked, her voice void of emotion, and I knew right then and there that everything was about to get so much worse.

“Know what?” Armin was obviously, and understandably confused.

“About Eren?” came her impatient reply, as if it was the easiest thing to answer when she wasn’t using more than a handful of words at a time.

“Mikasa, what are you talking about?”

“I’m asking you if you knew about Eren and Zackary.” Mikasa nearly shouted.

“Mikasa, stop yelling. If I have to tell you again I’ll make you leave.” Levi said, his voice just as steady as always.

“Shut up Levi, I’m not talking to you.” She started, facing Levi so she could glare at him, but he wasn’t fazed. Then she turned back to Armin.

“What is it that I should know?” Armin’s replies were slow and not very well thought out, that was unusual for him. He was usually, at the very least, three steps ahead of everyone.

“Why are there raised voices? Is something wrong?” Erwin asked, popping his head into the room, though he looked just like he did earlier, and not the least bit intoxicated.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” I heard Levi mutter under his breath, then he raised his voice to a volume in which everyone could hear him. “We’re all going to sleep. We’ll discuss this in the morning. I’m tired, we’re all inebriated to one extent or another. We are not doing this tonight.” And with that, he picked me up from my position on the couch, carrying me past everyone else as I tried my best to hide myself from everyone view by burying myself in Levi’s chest. He carried me past his bedroom door, and into the short hallway where some of the guest rooms were located. He had a bit of trouble opening the door but soon accomplished his task and made his way to my bed. He sat me on it looking my over before he spoke.

“Are you okay?” I didn’t respond right away. _Was I okay?_ I didn’t think I was about to break down, but then again I didn’t really feel like myself either. I didn’t feel much period, I think I’m numb again, and I hate that.

I was brought out of my inner musings by Levi snapping his fingers in front of my face.

“Oi, brat, earth to Eren. Did you hear me?”

“Yes I heard.”

“Then would you care to answer?”

“I don’t know.” Levi let out a heavy sigh, I could tell he was getting tired of this and probably just wanted to go to bed.

“Is that an answer to the first question or the last one?”

“The first.” He gave me a quizzical look after that, an expression that I had never really seen, and thus couldn’t place, took over his face for a moment.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Levi’s tone was gentle and he almost sounded hesitant. I pondered the question. I didn’t want to be babysat, but I also knew that that was not Levi’s intention. I would most likely have some type of fit later if past experiences were anything to go by. It would be a good idea to have Levi here just in case, better safe than sorry right? I nodded, not really messed up enough to put my pride aside and actually say I needed someone to protect me from myself, but I knew that he understood so I suppose it’s not an issue.

“I’m going to go put on pajamas, I would recommend you do the same while I’m gone.” And with that said, he turned on his heel and left without another word. I breathed out a sigh of… something, whether it was relief, exasperation, or dread I really didn’t know and couldn’t care enough to figure out anyway. I stood making my way to my dresser. I opened the second and third drawers pulling out the first shirt and pair of pajama bottoms I got my hands on. Taking my clothes off and throwing them in the general direction of where I thought my hamper was, I put my bottoms on first, before just collapsing face first into my bed, too tired to care that Levi would probably be walking in any second now. Or just tired in general and maybe even too drunk, or buzzed maybe? to be concerned about what this may look like, because I’m positive it looks like I’m trying to suffocate myself while also trying to simultaneously dislocate both of my shoulders seeing as how I was laying on them in an uncomfortable position and I could feel my joints protesting under the unnecessary strain. And I was proven to be exactly right as Levi chose that moment to walk in. He stopped halfway between the door and bed to just stare at me. I couldn’t even see him, still suffocating as it were, but I could feel his eyes on me, it made my skin crawl but I wasn’t too sure on whether it was a good or bad kind of… skin crawling… _is there such a thing as something like that being good?_ I would figure it out, but again, too tired, and buzzed, and numb to properly care about anything.

“Can I ask what it is your doing?” Levi’s tone was, something between amused and… something, again not caring to try and place the emotion. I began speaking with my face still pressed firmly into the thick duvet, knowing full well that he couldn’t understand me, but you know, caring and all that.

“Eren.” He voice which was eerily… something, rang out in the quiet room. I made some humming noise as a barely audible sound that I was listening.

“Get up, and go to sleep. Now.” He said, it was obviously a command, but not really caring if he was going to get mad or not, everything just seemed like too much work right now. I heard him make that weird clicking sound with his tongue, before I heard his approaching footsteps. I took a brief second to think about whether or not it was a good idea to ignore him and quickly decided that, no, it was not a good idea, and I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he lifted me and more or less threw me to the top of my bed, almost causing me to hit my headboard. I let out a squeak, maybe even shriek as I flew through the air, when I landed all the air got knocked out of my lungs. I groaned and opened my eyes that I hadn’t even realized I had closed, and kind of glared at him.

“Ow.” I muttered simply, even though I was planning on saying a lot more, that was what came out of my mouth, and it didn’t even really sound like I was in pain, which I was to a certain extent. Though in all actuality I should be freaking out, because he did just throw me, if Zackary had every done something like this I would be a hysterical mess. I guess I trust Levi more than most people.

“Follow orders next time, brat.”

“Whatever, fuck off.” I mumbled climbing under the blankets, I, again, didn’t even care anymore. He stared at me for a moment or two before he walked to stand on the other side of the bed and crawled in next to me. I immediately scooted closer so I could at least feel safe for a while in his arms. He sighed turned on his side so it was easier for me to hear his heart beating in his chest, apparently he’s already gotten used to that and has adjusted to accommodate me. And I have to admit that I liked it, probably more than I should. I’d have to scold myself later when I cared again.

I snuggled into his arms and enjoyed the warmth, and his alluring, yet light scent. It wasn’t too heavy, but it was enough where it was prominent for it to stand out as his scent, like walking through a forest right after it rains, and it was delightful falling asleep like that, his scent filling my nose and my ear pressed to his chest. But I shouldn’t think that, this was a one-time thing, just a precaution. It wouldn’t happen again, that is what I’m going to tell myself and beat into my head when I woke up.

~

I was seated at the table in the thickest and most tense silence I have ever been in. Everyone was currently in the seats they had sat in yesterday for dinner, but there was no food and no talking. Mikasa was alternating between glaring at me and Levi. Armin was just confused as to why he was even sitting here, though he didn’t show it, neither did Erwin for that matter, though I did not know why Erwin was here to begin with. They both looked like they already knew everything that was about to be said, as soon as someone was brave enough to speak up first. Hanji was bored in their seat, they really didn’t have any reason to be here. They knew the events that had occurred, probably better than anyone aside from me, so I’m guessing on moral support or something along those lines. And Levi, well Levi was Levi. He had the same expression that he always wore plastered on his face, though he kept his eyes on Mikasa.

“So who wants to start?” Levi finally asked, his tone uninterested.

“I’m going to start,” I said at first, making sure everyone’s eyes were on me before continuing, “and I’m going to do such by laying down ground rules. The first being no yelling, I have a fucking headache, and I really don’t want to talk about this, so the first time someone raises their voice, I’m going to go back upstairs to sleep the rest of the day away. Second, one question at a time, mainly you Mikasa, because I know how you are when you get upset, and so if you thought what I said last night was bad I suggest you prepare yourself now. Thirdly, I am not going to go over every last thing that occurred, I am entitled to omit whatever fact I deem unfit for this conversation, and neither of you are going to say anything to them if they ask you later.”  
 I pointed at Hanji and Levi as I said the last sentence.

“Fourthly, I am exhausted, I barely got any sleep last night, and I would appreciate it tremendously if we could make this fast, because the fact of the matter is, I’m ending up back in my bed no matter what so I might as well try not to feel like shit about it , okay? Now where do you want to start?”

“It would make the most sense to start from the beginning.” Armin quipped, giving me a smug smile that I was almost irritated over. I let out a breath loudly, tilting my head back to stare at the ceiling as if it were going to help me, as I recalled how this particular shitty part of my life started.

“Well I guess it was when I met Zackary during our first year of college. We began dating, and everything seemed to be going so well. It was … perfect.” The last word was bitter, and it made me stomach clench.

“He asked me to move in with him, and I didn’t even hesitate in saying yes. I hated the dorms, and since I wasn’t like Armin who could afford to stay in a private dorm I had to deal with all the other guys in the building. Anyway, I guess I noticed things were off after I first moved in. They were little things, but it irked me either way. The names he would call me, one wouldn’t think of calling their significant other, but he did, and then it was him ordering me around, as if I was his maid and not his boyfriend. I told him off one day and he hit me, he fucking hit me, and I fought back, I fought and fought but it wasn’t enough, he was stronger than I was at the time. He beat me, he beat me to the point of almost blacking out. He told me if I ever tried to leave again he would kill me. I should have left right then, but where would I have gone? And it sounds so stupid saying it now, all the signs were obvious, but I ignored them instead telling myself that as long as I kept him happy he wouldn’t do it again, but I was wrong. God was I wrong. And I did that for four years, I hid it from you and Armin and everyone else for four years because he threatened to kill anyone I told as well. And I just wasn’t willing to take that chance, to take a chance with either of your lives. So I obeyed. And once my junior year rolled around I really didn’t have a choice anymore, because by that point I wouldn’t be able to go back to the dorms unless of course I paid for the private ones, but I didn’t have enough money for that. Even with working with Hanji that long and barely spending any of it, my savings only would have paid for a few months staying there, and then I would have been back in the same situation.

Two years after I started working with Hanji they eventually found out, but they suspected something was wrong from the get go, and when they found out I couldn’t deny it, the evidence was literally all over my skin. From then on they helped me, they kept it a secret on the one condition that if I ever truly felt threatened for my life I was to call them right then and there and they would take all the evidence to the police and would help me until I got back on my feet. Well fast forward two years and things became progressively worse. He was threatening to kill me on an almost daily basis, beating me more often with less time in between each one, not even giving the old bruises time to heal before he was adding more on top of those, and all I could do was sit there and take it. That was at least until he found out that I was working on a project with Armin.” Armin cringed as I spoke his name, as if I just physically slapped him, though I guess in a way I had. I wasn’t trying to blame him. I was simply point out the facts.

“You see, Zackary was always jealous as well as paranoid, he just knew that I was sleeping with everyone I associated with, and when he found out that I had been in Armin’s dorm he beat the shit out of me, and I truly did think at that point I was going to die. So I initiated the fail safe Hanji and I had put in place in case of such an emergency, and I got the hell out of there. Zackary was arrested and I stayed with Hanji until I got back on my feet. I had gotten my own apartment, albeit it was in one of the worst parts of the city, but it was mine. So skip ahead a month and the trial came and they found him not guilty. I was worried, but as the months passed and no further incidents occurred, I… well I relaxed, and I shouldn’t have. I knew how he was. I knew that he could and would hold a grudge. I knew that he would never forgive for what I had done to him. And I let my guard down, and he found me and almost killed me. I killed him with two bullets to his chest instead. And I had been with Hanji ever since, but they’re being transferred and there was no way I was leaving, so Levi offered to let me stay here, thus concluding this shitty fucking story that I’m never telling again, so you better ask questions now if you have any and then leave me in peace for the rest of the day.”

I let a long drawn out breath escape my nose as I waited patiently with bated breath to see what either Mikasa’s or Armin’s reaction would be. They were taking forever in putting their thoughts into words, and the suspense was slowly driving me insane. All my thoughts and doubts and worries being pushed to the forefront of my mind, not stopping in their brutality. Trying to crush me under their impassive weight, choking me, swallowing me whole, even as I fight against it. I could feel the panic and anxiety creeping up my spine, coiling around me like a snake suffocating its prey as they struggle futilely to live, struggle against the inevitable death that was rapidly approaching. All you had to do was blink, and then you were dead. Staring into nothingness with empty and lifeless eyes as the world devours you without a second thought. Because the world is a cruel and heartless place, and she did not cater to the weak, either you fought to live or you could die trying, but you had to fight tooth and nail no matter what the outcome. Only time would tell whether or not the struggle would have been worth it. And I was that animal slowly losing the battle with my own thoughts, fighting desperately to stay above the current that was pulling me into oblivion.

As Mikasa spoke I was both extremely relieved and fearful of what she was about to say.

“Why?” was all she asked, not elaborating as to what why she was referring to.

“Mikasa, please use more than one word at a time. I’m not a mind reader who can fill in the gaps of all missing words and I especially don’t feel like placating you right now.”

“Why did you tell me, tell us?” she said, gesturing between herself and Armin.

“I just did? Weren’t you listening?”

“Yes I was, but did you seriously think he would kill us? All of us? Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” she looked at me so skeptically it hurt. She would rather believe that I was stupid to believe his threats rather than being cautious because, yes I really did believe him. He would gladly go to prison for the rest of his life so long as I paid for my mistake, and I told her as much.

“Yes I did. I don’t think you understand what kind of person he was. He would happily go to jail, would sit in an electric chair with a smile so long as I paid for betraying him. He would not have hesitated in killing, you, or Armin, or anyone else for that matter, before he came after me. Do you honestly think that someone capable of beating someone almost daily would feel even the slightest bit of remorse for killing another person that he felt had wronged him in some way, when _I_ did nothing but wait on him hand and foot? If you do then you’re a fucking idiot.” She looked at me with wide eyes, taking in my scowl, and furrowed brows, the no bullshit tone of voice I was using. She had very rarely ever seen me so serious.

“That’s not… I just… we could have protected you. Gone to the police, something.” She sounded so desperate, for what I didn’t know, but it wouldn’t change what has already happened.

“Mikasa even with all the evidence that was presented at trial, he wasn’t convicted, what do you think going to the police with _nothing_ was going to do? It would not have accomplished anything, that’s what. God, what do you think I am? I’m not stupid Mikasa, I thought of _everything_. Sneaking out in the middle of the night and never looking back. Going to you and Armin. Going to the police. Even going so far as to try and commit suicide. I weighed every single pro and con of every possible road I could take and no matter what, there was a dead body at the end of it, be it mine or someone else’s _and_ mine it didn’t matter. Only I didn’t expect it to be his body, not that I’m complaining, because it was this far away.” I held my hand up with maybe in inch separating my thumb and index finger, gesturing how far it would have taken for the bullet to nick an artery that would have had me bleeding out before help could have arrived, “from being mine. I thought about it, trust me I did, but I couldn’t think of a solution, and rather than risk putting someone else in danger I dealt with it in the only way I could. With stubbornness and determination, I was going to get away eventually, and I was not going to die in the process. I was just trying to figure out how to get there.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t kill him in his sleep or something. That seems like the type of thing you would do, being the rash person you are.” Armin commented, finally speaking after being silent for so long.

“I did. However, prison isn’t for me, and if it was his corpse with my words of abuse against him, with no witness, and no one suspecting that something might he wrong with our relationship, that is exactly where I would have ended up. I’m not one for thinking things through, but I did this time around, my life kind of depended on it after all.” More silence followed after my little revelation, because most people apparently wouldn’t openly admit to plotting to murder another person.

“I just… why did you start dating him in the first place? Couldn’t you tell what kind of person he was going to be?”

“Mikasa! Really? No I didn’t know, just in case you forgot, not everyone is as blunt and crude as you, or even Levi. I had no way of knowing, and _you_ obviously didn’t suspect him either. You hate everyone that tries to get close to me aside from our small group in high school, that’s the only reason you could tolerate Thomas. But no, you actually _liked_ Zackary, said that you thought he was a good guy, and you were happy that he was taking ‘such good care of me’.” I scoffed at her. “But sure, if it will make you feel better, if it helps you go to sleep at night, then yeah, try and find every way possible to blame me. Fuck you.” And with that I stood and made my way up to my room, the sounds of Levi and Hanji echoing in the background. I slammed my door shut behind me and flopped onto my bed curling into the fetal position as I tried not to cry. Jolting my head only sent a shooting pain into the front of my skull. I would say that I’m never drinking ever again, but that would be a lie, so maybe I’ll just try not to get drunk on rum and tequila next time.

I was busy moping, drowning in my self-pity when there was a knock at the door. I wasn’t going to say anything at first, but I figured I would talk to whoever was at the door long enough to say ‘go away’ then take a nap till the world ended.

“Come in.” it was just loud enough for the person on the other side to hear me. I was expecting Armin, or maybe even Hanji, but not Levi seeing as how he hates talking to people and other things like that.

“Go away.” I mumbled into the pillow that I was curling around.

“Not happening brat.”

I groaned, who has time for this shit today? Certainly not me. “Why not?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea after last night, do you?”

“I only woke up twice.” I pointed out to him, although both times I woke up I was thrashing around giving him quite a few bruises, and I stayed awake for the next hour before being able to fall back asleep each time.

“That’s not comforting… at all.”  He came and laid down on my bed, on his back with his hands folded on his chest, he wasn’t going to be going anywhere any time soon. He made himself comfy, before speaking again. “Now, spill. What’s on your mind?”

I remained silent, gathering my whirling thoughts into something of coherence, knowing that Levi would wait as long as he had to for an answer. While I thought I scooted closer to Levi, even though I know I shouldn’t but not being able to resist once more laying my head on his chest as he moved his arm to cradle my back and rest his hand on my waist. We stayed in the silence for another five minutes before I worked up the nerve to say what’s been eating away at me for the past several months, or even years if I thought about it enough.

When I finally spoke it was in a whisper, almost too low for Levi to hear. “She’s not right, is she? I mean, I did all I could and the outcome wouldn’t necessarily be better if I did all the rash things that I’m known for. Killing him, or offing myself, or running away. This end of the road isn’t so bad right?” my voice had become more and more choked as I reached the end of my talking, fighting desperately to hold back tears that I would shed later anyway.

“Don’t be an idiot Eren. Of course she’s not right. The fact of the matter is, it’s in the past and no matter how much you may sit and think that there was something more you could have down there isn’t. No matter what kind of wisdom dictates you the option you should pick, no one will be able to tell if it’s right or wrong till you arrive to some sort of outcome, resulting from your choice. The only thing we are allowed to do is to believe that we won’t regret the choice we made. So tell me. Do you regret what you’ve done to reach this outcome?”

I let what he had said sink in. I could never have guessed that any of this would happen, but blaming myself for things I can no longer change is an effective way to drive yourself mad. I made the best choices I could along this road and now I have to live with it. I don’t regret killing Zackary or anything after, but saying that I don’t regret not leaving him sooner, or even starting a relationship with him in the first place would be a bit much. So I guess the answer is, “No. There are some things that I wish could have been different but in the end, no I don’t regret this outcome.”

“Good.”

As Levi began to run his fingers through my hair and I drifted off into some much needed sleep, I felt the dynamic of our relationship shift. Now if you were to ask me what it shifted into, I wouldn’t be able to tell you, but it changed, hopefully for the better. In my last few moments of consciousness I heard Levi whisper something, though I was too far gone to hear him. I figured that I would ask him about it when I woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So life fucking hates me, and listing all the reasons on why this is so late would be a novel in and of itself, so instead I'll just say that I'm very sorry. Since life likes making a liar out of me I'm just going to say that I'll update whenever the heartless bitch lets me. I will try my damnedest to have some type of schedule but I make no promises other than I'll only update on Fridays or the wee early morning on Saturdays.  
> Now with that out of the way. Hooray for me, because guess who turned eighteen on the fourteenth? Me, yay! So shout out to anyone with the same birthday, along with anyone else's recent birthday and a very merry unbirthday to everyone else!  
> Thank you for all the kudos, comments, and bookmarks!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, it's an update.

[Levi’s POV]

It had been a few weeks since Hanji had left and Eren was finally getting settled into life around my estate. It was a pleasant feeling knowing that he was comfortable around here, even learning enough French to converse with my maids. However his behavior around me has been peculiar, and I don’t know if I should be concerned about it or not. One minute he is cuddling up with me in the lounge doing random things like reading or just talking, and the next he is avoiding me as if I had the plague or leprosy. His whirlwind emotions were giving me whiplash, and while I’ll be there no matter what, I felt like an emotional punching bag. I want to talk to him about it, but I’ve never been good with emotions or talking about  _feelings,_  I have never felt so inadequate. Being blunt always works but this isn’t the kind of talk where I can just say whatever pops into my head, I know that at the very least.

I was on my way to the kitchen to grab a glass of whatever I found at the time. Telling maids that I passed certain tasks I wanted done along the way. When I entered the kitchen at eighty thirty this morning, I was not expecting to see Eren sitting on my counter, in an oversized sweater that had some Doctor Who reference that I didn’t understand with thigh high striped socks eating icing straight out of the container, talking with Terra as if he had been speaking French all his life. My brain took a small moment to make sure that I was actually awake, I pinched myself just for good measure. I turned around walking back out of the kitchen thinking that maybe this was a very vivid hallucination, I breathed deeply a few times and went back in but the scene hadn’t changed.

“Eren.” I called out to him calmly. He turned his head to look at me standing in the doorway. He gave me a blinding smile cocking his head to the left like a puppy and my heart stuttered to a stop in my chest, though I obviously didn’t show it.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask why you’re sitting on my counter and without pants no less?”

“I’m eating icing.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and I guess it was because, yes, he was eating Duncan Hines chocolate icing.

“Why are you eating icing out of the container? Instead of baking a cake and putting it on there? Why do I even have to ask these questions? Is this going to be a regular occurrence with you? Coming downstairs first thing in the morning to see you sitting on my counter without pants eating all my goddamn icing? I swear to God that’s the weirdest sentence I have ever uttered in my entire life.” I was developing a headache already and I hadn’t even been conscious for half an hour. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger.

“Here.” I opened my eyes to see a spoon with chocolate icing on it right in front of my face. “I’ll answer your questions after you have some.” He was sickeningly cheerful at this hour and I don’t remember him being like this other mornings.

“Fuck no, you shitty brat. That’s disgusting.” He rolled his eyes at me but otherwise remained still, watching me expectantly. I grumbled out a few choice words at him but took a hesitant taste at the icing. When the thick and creamy texture made contact with me taste buds I instantly relaxed, my eye lids fluttering shut of their own accord. Holy shit, why had I not thought of doing this before, this was absolute genius.

“Better?” Eren asked bring me from my musings.

I made some humming noise as form of assent. “You going to answer my questions now or what?”

“I don’t want cake but I want icing, and I wasn’t going to put the icing in another container when I could just eat it out of this one. And yes, me eating icing out of their containers is going to happen pretty often, and as far as the pants well…” he trailed at the end before shrugging.

I wouldn’t have such a problem with him being pant-less if he was wearing boxers or something, but no, he was wearing fucking lace  _panties_. It was hard not staring at his ass when he had pants on and without them when he was wearing something so  _revealing_  and  _arousing_  was damn near impossible. Though the fact that they matched the other articles of clothing he was wearing was… nice. The sweater was a light grey and the panties were a color similar to his eyes, just a few shades darker, and his striped socks were a mix of the two colors. If this was to be a regular thing with him then my self-restraint was going to be put to the ultimate test. Though this might just be a blessing in disguise, getting to look at him like this as much as I wanted, with the fabric clinging seductively to his hips and accentuating the curve of his perfectly rounded ass. But what I was wondering the most out of all that was if he only owned panties like that, or if he owned boxers because if he didn’t I was going to have to buy him some because him not wearing pants would be unbearable otherwise.

Eren mercifully spoke up then, bringing me from thoughts that were heading straight into the gutter. “Would you like some more icing?” he had another spoonful hovering in front of my mouth as if he already knew the answer was going to be yes. I nodded reluctantly, opening my mouth to let the spoon slip past my lips. I thought absently that I could most definitely get used to him spoon feeding me icing in said panties.

When I had had enough of the icing I went to the fridge to get a glass of milk so I could wash the thickness of the icing down. I turn back around to see Eren trying and failing to share the icing with Terra who was adamantly declining, at least Eren had a clean spoon for her to use unlike with me.

“Non, non, monsieur, je ne pouvais pas.” Terra shook her head, trying unsuccessfully to wave Eren away. It was hilarious and I actually struggled with not laughing at the scene.

“Il est très bien, je vous le promets, venez et avoir un avant-goût.” Terra looked over to me, a pleading look in her eyes for me to help her, but I simply shrugged. 

“Juste un petit goût, s'il vous plaît?”

Terra let out a resigned sigh and nodded her head once, seeing as how I was also indifferent on the subject she must have figured it best to just give in to the horrendously persistent brat. Eren let out a subdued squeal, scooping up some of the icing onto the clean spoon before handing the spoon to Terra. She gave me one last glance before sticking the spoon in her mouth. Her features lit up in a way I’m sure was similar to the way mine did, though probably more enthusiastic.

What the hell was happening to the order of my estate? Under normal circumstances I would never allow anything like this to happen. Having a guest feed chocolate icing to my servants and not saying anything to stop it, what the hell am I thinking? Where has my head gone? Obviously on vacation because it certainly wasn’t attached to my shoulders like it is supposed to be.

I left the kitchen, cup of milk in hand, and went to my study. I was looking over paperwork for my company when Eren walked in ten minutes later, wearing pants thankfully. He plopped down into the chair on the other side of my desk. I flicked my gaze up quickly to look at him to see him staring at me.

“We should making icing eating a tradition with the servants.” He remarked, temporarily short circuiting my brain.

_…Tradition?..._

_…Icing eating?..._

_…Servants?..._

_…What?..._

“What?” _Good job Levi, give yourself a pat on the back for being so well spoken._

“We should make it a-”

“Don’t repeat it. Why on earth would I do that? And do you have any idea how many containers of icing I would need to give one to each maid or butler or cook or… anyone else for that matter? A lot, I have more than a hundred people staffed.”

“I didn’t say it had to be every day, or even every month. I was thinking more along the lines of once a year, say this month?”

“What day?”

“The 18th.

“That’s very specific and only like a week away. Why that day? What so special about the 18th of July?”

“I’ll tell you then, m’kay?” Eren’s face fell some and I was wondering exactly what had happened that day to put such a melancholy look on his face.

“So you’ll do it then?”

“Do what?”

He let out a sound of exasperation, leaning back tilting his face to the ceiling. My ceilings must be very interesting for him to keep doing that. Maybe he sees something I don’t. “The icing! You’ll do the icing right?”

“Sure, I don’t see what it could hurt. My one condition is you have to go around with a clipboard with everyone’s name on it and ask what kind of icing each person wants.”

“Deal.” He gave me a quizzical look. “How often do you interact with you servants, aside from telling them they have things to do?”

“I don’t.”

“You should. Sure you pay them to serve you, but you should care, at least on a fundamental level, how the people you employ feel. I’m sure that if you show them you actually care the mood around here will improve. Do they have family? Can they take time off? What are their hobbies? All of those things are important. Ask them how they feel, you won’t regret it. Promise.”

~

I had been more observant of my staff over the past several hours, and I came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, Eren was right. It couldn’t hurt to actually speak to the people who work for me. I’m not sure how I should go about talking to them. I barely know how to talk to my own friends, so it’ll be interesting to see whenever I finally do. I printed out a list of all of my staffs name and gave said list to Eren, and despite the fact that I have one hundred twenty seven people working for me he was done in a surprisingly short amount of time, being just above an hour. He gave me the list back and hasn’t left my side since.

We were laying on my cream colored chaise in my sitting room, also done up in beiges and tans. I was laying on my back with Eren resting partially on my chest with his back pressed against the side of the chaise. My hand running through his hair, lulling him into unconsciousness. He shifted briefly to get more comfortable, nuzzling the side of his face into my chest, then stilled again. I wasn’t trying to fall asleep with him, but that’s what ended up happening. Only to be woken up by Terra two hours later, telling us it was time for dinner. That passed uneventfully, like every other dinner we had together, until Eren had spoken half way through dinner.

“We should also have a cook out or something, and all the staff get to eat and do things with us.”

“Eren I’m already getting icing for everyone, isn’t that a bit much?”

“You buy enough food for all of them since they’re all live in staff. What is buying a little extra so we can all have a good time going to hurt?”

“Easy to say when you’re not the one paying.” I commented, though he immediately bristled and I had to apologize. It isn’t like I don’t have the money. That certainly isn’t it. I throw money around like it’s nothing, however, I’ve only ever bought what was necessary for my staff, so the idea of buying more was just… different I guess, not bad, but different.

“Fine, fine. You’re already making me change the whole way I operate my estate, why not have a cook out to accompany the icing.” He smiled triumphantly, and we continued on in silence.

After he had gone upstairs to get ready for bed I talked with the head of the kitchen along with a few others to let them know the plans and tell them to start preparations so that way the day of the 18th there wouldn’t be delays. Once done with that I retired to my own room. After I was done with my bath and dressed in a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a tee shirt, I lie awake not being able to get the look on Eren’s face when I asked about the 18th out of my head. I was debating on whether or not I wanted to go through with what I was thinking and quickly decided that it wouldn’t hurt. I grabbed my phone off my bedside table dialing Hanji’s number. They answered on the second ring, damn near deafening me as they screeched on the other end.

“Levi! You never call me, what do I owe the pleasure of conversing with you willingly?!”

“It’s about Eren.” I hadn’t meant for it to sound so ominous, and with the way they quieted on the other side, I know that they took it that way. “He’s fine, he’s healthy, and I think he’s happy so that’s not it, don’t worry.” I amended.

“Well if he’s happy and healthy and not in the process of dying what is it?”

“What is so important about the 18th of this month?” No point in beating around the bush.

“Did he say something about it?” the asked cautiously, probably trying to gauge just how much I knew.

“Briefly. That and he’s making me buy a container of icing for every servant I have along with having a cook out with them.”

They let out a small chuckle. “That sounds like him, always trying to compensate.”

“Compensate for what exactly?”

“So he hasn’t told you? About that day?”

“No four eyes, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking you.”

“And why are you asking me?

“Because you know him! You’ve known him for years.” I almost shouted, my frustration seeping into the edges of my voice.

“Yes I know, however, if you have question about his past, just ask him, stop coming to me behind his back thinking I’m going to tell you! It isn’t my past that you’re digging into, it’s his, and I have no right or obligation to tell you anything. But Levi he didn’t tell me until he’d known me for three years, so I don’t know when or even if-”

I cut her off before she could finish, “He said he would tell me the day of, and he seemed so… subdued. It was disheartening.”

They sighed heavily, “Then I suggest that you prepare yourself for what he’s going to tell you. It’s going to be hard to stomach and he’s going to try and be nonchalant, but don’t be fooled. He’ll probably end up in tears by the end of the day despite him saying that he’s fine. I won’t be there to help him through it so you’ll have to be there for him instead. Keep an extra close eye on him, okay?”

That sense of dread from earlier was back with a vengeance. I didn’t know what to expect from Eren, but now I knew for a fact that it wasn’t good, and I was going to have to wait nine days before my curiosity would be sated.

“Is he also usually so bi-polar around this time as well?”

“Yeah, he is. Sometimes he needs the physical contact and to just be around people he… likes? I guess. And others he wants nothing to do with anyone. This is a hard time of the year for him.”

“So it’s not me?”

“No, it’s not you, he’ll be better after the eighteenth, trust me.”

“Only when it comes to him.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers. Now if you’ll excuse I have work in the morning and it’s almost midnight.”

“Whatever, goodnight shitty four eyes, and I hope the bedbugs bite.”

“Yeah you too shorty.” I could hear the smile in their voice as they spoke. I pressed the end button, plugging my phone back in and continuing to stare up at my ceiling. It wasn’t until I was at the brink of the abyss that I heard a small knock on my door. Figuring it could only be one person at this time of night, I dragged my reluctant body out of bed to answer my door.

“What is it brat.” I asked in a groggy tone. He stared down at his feet for a few seconds, finally speaking just as I was about to tell him to spit it out.

“Could I maybe, if it’s not too much trouble, sleep in here with you tonight? Please?”

Letting out a sigh of resignation I stepped aside opening the door a bit more so he could come in. “Thank you.”

“Just get into bed so I can sleep, I actually have to go to the office tomorrow.”

He scurried to the bed, climbing into the unmade side but didn’t lay down, most likely waiting for me to lay down as well. Shaking my head I closed the door, slowly making my way to my bed. I plopped down rolling onto back and opening my arms for him. He scooted closer, laying his head on my chest like usual and falling asleep almost as soon as he stopped moving.

“Shitty brat.” I murmured under my breath, followed by a rather large yawn. My eyes drooped shut a couple of minutes later. My last thought being that I could also get used to him curled up in my arms every night too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow this is the second consecutive friday update, I think I deserve some icing. By the way, what Eren does that morning I do all the time, just sitting around in big sweaters eating icing so that's where I got the idea from in the first place. Now on to the important things, this was supposed to be fluffly because it's about to get a bit dark, but the talk with Hanji made it too dark for my liking, though I'm okay with that. Also you guys don't get to find out what happens next chapter, you have to wait two updates to find out a little more about Eren's past. #Sorrynotsorry. And I didn't mean for Levi to sound like a douchebag, that's just how it came out. 
> 
> Thank you all for the hits, kudos, and bookmarks. You guys really do make writing worth while. So thank you very much readers!
> 
> Translations ( I think )
> 
> “Non, non, monsieur, je ne pouvais pas.” -"No, sir, I could not."
> 
> “Il est très bien, je vous le promets, venez et avoir un avant-goût.” - "It's fine, I promise you, come and have a taste."
> 
> “Juste un petit goût, s'il vous plaît?” - "Just a taste, please?"


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three Fridays in a row, someone give me hug. Seriously, though, I'm pretty happy that I'm actually updating. I was debating whether or not I should wait till tomorrow, since it's the fourth and all, but then I decided I would just settle with the one-shot I'm doing. But enough of me ranting, here's the chapter, so go on and read. Also, just imagine the italized part is french, I didn't feel like doing that whole stretch of conversation.

The bed was cold when it should, by all accounts, have been warm. I sat up tiredly rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Looking around Levi’s room I discovered it was empty. I felt his side of the bed and I could just barely feel the residual warmth left from Levi. I scrambled out of bed to see if I could find him before he left. I quickly made my way downstairs, stopping briefly in the kitchen to see if he was there. He wasn’t so I moved on to his study, but he wasn’t there either. Figuring that he had already gone to work I was just a little bit sad. Brushing it off in favor of going to get something to eat as my stomach started to growl.

Walking into the kitchen again I grabbed a mango out of the bowl on the counter. I didn’t have work today so I would have to entertain myself some other way. I snapped my fingers as a thought as to what I could do hit me, though I felt silly after the fact. I went and found Dominique, our resident head chef.

 _“Dominique, where are you?”_ I called into the empty space.

_“I’m in here Eren!”_

Following the sound of her voice I found her in the pantry, organizing shelves. _“Ah, I have a few questions.”_

_“Ask away.”_

_“Has Levi spoken to you about next weekend?”_

She nodded. _“Yes, he said that a cookout was being planned and all the staff were to ‘relax and enjoy’ ourselves.”_

_“Did he say what was on the menu by any chance?”_

_“No not really. He said quick and easy, ‘minimalistic’, I think was his exact word.”_

_“Well then I’ll do the menu. I already have things in mind so how about I list things off and you tell me whether or not we have the ingredients.”_

_“That will work, but what happens if we don’t have them?”_ She turned to me, boxes of ziti in hand.

_“Simple, we go shopping.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Of course I am. Now do we have enough hamburgers and or hotdogs for one hundred thirty people?”_

_“No, maybe enough for half of that.”_

_“Okay. Hmm what else do you think we should do? We can’t just eat meat after all. Is anyone here a vegetarian or vegan?”_

_“A few I think. No more than twenty I suspect.”_

_“Okay well do you have any suggestions for them?”_

_“Things that would be easy to prepare the night before are best because Sir Ackerman doesn’t want anyone doing very much the day of. I’m not too sure what that would be seeing as how I am not a vegetarian, though I could ask one of the others.”_

_“Do that. I think salads would work. Like potato salad? Or, oh I know, how about shrimp salad, maybe even both. And then just a regular salad that can appeal to everyone. I love fruit salads too. We could also do, I don’t know chips are always good, that doesn’t involve any cooking at all.”_

_“So you want four different salads?”_

_“No, yes, maybe, I at least want that regular salad and maybe one other one I suppose, I’ll leave that up to you. Or if you feel like you could do all four then the more power to you I guess. And… I don’t know, I’ve never really been to a cook out, what do you eat at these things? I like the idea of baked beans and deviled eggs as well, and I think we can stop at that._

_“So, hamburgers, hotdogs, two salads, baked beans, and deviled eggs.”_

I thought over it for a minute, then nodded. _“Yes, chips and drinks as well, but that is easy. What do you guys drink? Tea, soda, juice… water?”_

_“All of the above, some don’t like tea, some don t drink soda, so we won’t have to worry about getting as much of those as anything else.”_

_“Hmm, should we do like veggie or tofu burgers for the non-meat eaters?”_

_“We could.”_

_“Then that too. And now we’re done. Do you think you can have a list for everything needed within the next hour or two?”_

_“Yes sir.”_

_“Dominique, I’ve told you before to please just call me Eren. Anyway let me know as soon as you’re done, we’ll go place the order for everything so we can have it shipped here at the earliest date possible.”_

_“But, Sir Ackerman didn’t give us permission to do such yet, and he’ll be very upset if he finds out that we spent any money without his consent.”_

_“Don’t worry, I’ll pay.”_

_“I don’t th-”_

_“I. Will. Pay.”_ I waved in a dismissive manner as I turned to leave the large store room.

 _“Of course.”_ Dominique said, bowing her head slightly.

With that out of the way I now had time to do whatever I pleased, and after wandering around outside for half an hour I was bored out of my mind. I made my way upstairs into Levi’s library which was right next to his study. It rivaled the foyer in its size and had two stories. I mentally slapped myself for not just using the door downstairs, but I had a tendency to forget about that door altogether. I browsed for half an hour, until I found a classic that I loved: The Count of Monte Cristo. I read until Dominique came and found me two hours later saying that her list was done and we could head out whenever I pleased. We left almost immediately after.

[Levi’s POV]

I was on my way back home after my mandatory meeting. I would have preferred to just stay and laze around the house all day with Eren but no, my vice CEO just had to schedule a meeting. I was glad that aside from said meetings I could determine my own hours. I had been gone for a grand total of five hours, and was happy to be pulling into my garage. Walking through the door leading to the interior of my home I was expecting to see or hear Eren instantly, instead I was met with silence. I called for Eren, checking various rooms as I went, before I found one of my maids and asked if she had seen Eren. Her response was that she hadn’t seen or heard from him in an hour. As she left I was on the edge of panic, _where on earth could he have gone?_ I rushed back to the garage, and saw that his bike was still there, so where could he be?

I took out my cell and called him. His phone was just about to go to voicemail when he finally answered.

“Levi? I thought you were at work. Is everything okay?” he sounded concerned. For me. Which was stupid because I am supposed to be more concerned about him.

“Yes, you shitty brat I’m fine. Where the fuck are you?” there was a scratchy noise on the other end before he responded.

“Oh, I’m on my way back now, we’ll be there in about twenty.”

“We, who the fuck is we?”

“Um, Dominique and I went to the store. I thought of a menu and I didn’t want to wait for you and I was bored, so I figured I would take Dominique with me to the store so she could help. All the food has been ordered, and will be here on Wednesday.”

“Didn’t Dominique tell you not to? I didn’t authorize her to spend any-”

“Oh don’t worry about that.” he said nonchalantly.

“Don’t worry about what brat?”

“Well, she said that they weren’t allowed to buy things without your permission so… I… payed… for everything.”

My eyes widened infinitesimally. “You what? How much did you spend Eren?”  He didn’t respond right away and my nonexistent patience ran out. “Eren!”

“Um, for everything that we got it was a little more than fifteen hundred.”

“Eren why on-”

“Because you complained yesterday about how you didn’t want to spend unnecessary money even though it isn’t unnecessary. So I paid for it myself and now you don’t have anything to complain about!” he shouted through the speaker, the phone echoed eerily after he finished yelling and I was silenced. He was right, I had said that.

“I told you I would, you shouldn’t be spending what you don’t have.”

“And you shouldn’t whine about spending money that you don’t even use, and let’s not even start on the fact that you have more than you know what to do with you spoiled little rich boy! ‘Oh poor me having to spend money on the people who work for me even though I could burn half of all the money I own and still never have to work a day in my life’, well fuck you Levi!” he hung up after that and I was left just holding my phone up to my ear in something akin to shock.

Before I even knew what I was doing I had dialed Hanji’s number. As much as I hate to admit it, they were the only one who could help me at this point.

“Levi, I’m working, this had better be important.” They growled angrily into the phone, or as angry as they could be when they still sound hyped up on caffeine.

“I… I think I messed up with Eren, and I don’t know what to say or do to fix it.”

“What did you do?”

“Well remember when I told you about the cookout thing Eren wanted to do? Well I might have bitched about it yesterday when he first mentioned it. So today while I was at a meeting he went out with Dominique and bought all the food himself. When I got home and he wasn’t here I panicked and called him. I may have thrown a small fit and he proceeded to call me a, and I quote, ‘spoiled little rich boy’ and told me that I had more money than I knew what to do with so I had no right to whine about spending money on his idea. So any ideas on what I can do to fix this?”

“You’re a fucking idiot for starters. Do you have any idea what it’s like to barely be scraping by? Yeah you had that rebellious streak when you were sixteen and seventeen where you decided to go out on your own with no money, however you went back after you were almost arrested. Eren has had to work for every little penny he’s made since he was fourteen. So yeah, you complaining about this wasn’t a good idea to begin with. I don’t know how you’re supposed to fix your mistake Levi, I really don’t. I never pissed him off about anything like this so you’re on your own. But I will say you’re going to pay him back, both literally and figuratively. I have to go, good luck.” And they hung up on me as well. _Well shit. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?_

I was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. I walked towards Eren and was about to open my mouth to speak to him when he walked straight passed me and up the stairs. He was going to give me the silent treatment. With no outlet for my sudden frustration, Dominique walking through the door after Eren was all the distraction I needed.

_“Why on earth did you let him buy everything? Who told you, you could even leave? What were you thinking?”_

_“I couldn’t stop him sir, and he told me to go with him.”_

“Leave Dominique out of this Levi. Don’t take your unjustified anger out on her.” Eren called down from the top of the stairs. In the time I was distracted Dominique took that time to scurry off to the kitchen.

“Unjustified?”

“Yes unjustified, you want to know why you’re really angry? Because you hate being wrong and you especially hate it when others call you out on your bullshit. You think spending money to give your employees something enjoyable instead of only catering to your every whim is asking too much. You even had the gall to bitch about icing, icing that isn’t even four dollars a jar. And again, how much of your money do you actually use Levi? Between what you inherited from your parents to your very cushy job I suspect that you don’t even use a quarter for everything you own. Your car, your house, your staff, and any other thing your selfish little heart could possibly desire. In fact I’m sure you could buy an apartment _and_ a car for every person on your staff and still live this lavish life of yours. And do you have any idea how infuriating it is even having to spell this out for you as if you’re some type of infant?” he turned on his heel, leaving me crippled in his fury driven wake once more, his door slamming shut a few seconds later added an air of finality to this conversation.

I was once again calling Hanji without a realizing it.

“What is it now Levi?”

“Where does Eren do his banking and what is his account number?”

~

I was at the dinner table, waiting for Eren to come down. I had been sitting here tapping random tunes into the wood for the past half hour, and even though I sent Terra, Antoine, and Dominique up there to get him to come down it hadn’t worked, I knew for a fact that he got the message. Fed up with him I pushed away from the table in a huff, marching up the stairs with murder on my mind. I didn’t even bother knocking as I barged in, I had removed the lock from both his doors shortly before he moved in. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him curled up in a corner with bloody arms.

“Eren! Eren what did you do?!” my mind went instant panic mode. I was quickly checking him over trying to find the source of the blood as he fought me, checking all the usual places like his wrists and hands but nothing. It wasn’t until I had grabbed his arms so I could pulled him up and into the bathroom that he let out a pained cry. I removed my hands to see them covered in blood as well. I checked the back of his upper forearms that I found dozens of crescent sized nail marks covering them.

“Levi let go, I’m fine!”

“The hell you are, I’m calling Hanji, and a psychiatrist first thing in the morning.” I picked him up by the waist, hoisting him over my shoulder as he kicked. I carried him into my bathroom calling Terra as I went and instructing her to bring me the first aid kit. She did, returning only a minute later. I slammed the door behind her and whirled on Eren.

“What the fuck did you do? What were you thinking? Never mind you obviously weren’t.” I continued ranting through the process of cleaning his wounds, almost having to wrap his whole upper forearm in gauze and bandages. He stayed silent, staring straight ahead and not even bothering to tune into reality. When I was done I stepped back, he blinked at me a few times then regarded his arms. He made a move to leave but I pushed him to sit him back down.

“Why?”

“Why what? God, you and Mikasa really are related huh?” he rolled his eyes.

“Why did you do that? Is it me?” that was what I was most afraid of, him getting even worse in my presence. That was the last thing I wanted for him. I wanted him to be happy and healthy, but if he wasn’t maybe I should give him own place, unless that was also a bad idea. I never knew with Eren, it was like walking in a minefield. No, a better analogy was that I was handling a bomb, like in those stupid cliché movies where they disarm it with one second left, but this was different because I don’t disarm it, it goes off, destroying both itself and everything with a certain radius.

“I didn’t mean to. I used to do it a lot, I would just squeeze my arms and I was unconsciously dig my nails into my arms. I wouldn’t even notice until later when I saw the blood. It doesn’t hurt a first, not until you actually see all the damage and then all the pain you didn’t feel comes crashing into you. You’ll see in a few hours.” He responded numbly, his usually bright eyes dulled and his voice was apathetic at best and dead sounding at worst.

“But _why_? Did I upset you that badly?”

“Yes.” It was said so simply, no inflection, no tone of accusation. He was simply stating a fact, probably completely oblivious to the fact that he just tore my heart out with his simple yes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… if I had known…”

“You would have what, Levi? Changed the kind of person you are? Not said it because you know it would hurt me? That doesn’t seem like you at all.” He was once again stating a fact and it hurt even more because he was fucking _right_. Time to learn to become a better person. I didn’t say anything after that and neither did he. I quietly ushered him to my bed again after cleaning both him and myself, running through ways I could fix this tomorrow. I laid awake in my bed for hours with him curled up against my side, his head on my chest. That was until he woke up a few hours later crying at the pain in his arms. I held him, muttering softly that he was okay, that everything would be okay. He wailed pitifully for about forty-five minutes before he fell asleep on my shoulder, his arms around my waist. I vowed that I would be a better person, if for no one else than Eren. I couldn’t see him like this anymore, and I was _never_ going to be the cause of him self-destructing ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, so just a fair warning that the next chapter gets pretty dark, just a reminder. I'm hoping and praying that I'll keep up the pattern and update four consecutive Fridays, but you never know. Here's hoping though. 
> 
> Now I know I say thank you every update, but I really do mean it. This was just an outlet for a lot of pent up emotions and frustration, something neither my violin or drawing were helping with and the fact that I've received such positive feedback really is inspiring. The problems don't go away over-night but between everything I'm doing, and all the encouragement it really does do wonders in keeping my from relapsing into darker territories. I look forward to continuing this journey together. So when I say thank you, you better believe I mean it from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> Lots of love from me.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually have anything to say, so go read I guess. Enjoy.

When I woke up this morning I was almost happy, I was ready to start the day with a smile on my face. It wasn't until I picked my phone up and saw the date than my world came crashing down around me, my grin dropping in an instant. I took a long shower after that, crying through most of it. I discovered that it's exceedingly difficult to do anything when your sight is obscured by constant tears. But as soon as I stepped out of the tub I put my mask on, making sure it was nice and secure so no one would see through it, so no one would see just how much I was actually hurting, not today at least.

I walked down to stairs to see that kitchen was alive and bustling, everyone doing last minute touches on the dishes. Dominique had decided to do all four salads and was currently adding more strawberries to the fruits salad. The deviled eggs were already prepared. The chips and drinks were already set up outside at various tables, and the baked beans were done last night so all we had to do was throw them in the over for a bit to warm them. All anyone had to do today was cook the hamburgers and hotdogs, as well as the few tofu burgers we had, and even then, I was on one of the three grills that would be going. As soon as everyone had their food the grills would go off and we would all play games. Some were childish, others were more adult oriented, but one way or another I was going to make sure everyone had a fantastic day.

And as I saw Levi walk into the kitchen I still only felt mildly guilty about what I had said to him. I knew that what I did wrong, that's why I apologized so much to him. I shouldn't have said half the things I did, and I also shouldn't have told him how to run his estate or manage his staff or spend his money. But seeing how well everything is going, I can't help but not feel as bad as I know I should. I needed this, to see everyone happy and excited for today. And after all the food had been eaten and all the icing had been passed out, and everything was cleaned up with all the festivities being swept and wiped away, I would go back upstairs to my room, crawl under my blanket and cry myself to sleep, maybe clutching a pillow to my chest as I did so. Because it was today, the day my life had ended twice.

~

[Levi's POV]

I had kept a close eye on Eren all day, just like Hanji had told me to do, but I couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. I had been his shadow since I saw him in the kitchen, but I couldn't catch a glimpse of anything that might hint as to how he was feeling. It was maddening, add on the fact that he still hasn't even told me what today was about and I was slowly becoming irate. Not that I could show it, today was supposed to be  _fun,_ with lots of food and pointless games that everyone enjoyed anyway. So while I would never smile my scowl was less... scowl-ly or whatever. I will admit though that he did a good job, he still hasn't said anything about the amount of money I gave him, or maybe he just didn't see. I'll ask when we talk later.

"Levi!" Eren called. I immediately spun to face him, doing a quick check to make sure he was okay.

"What brat?"

"It's time to pass out the icing, come help me."  _What?_

"What? Why do I have to help?" I mean I didn't mean for it to sound so accusatory but it did.

"I would like to point out that one, I can't hand all of these out by myself, and two, I'm not going to have one of your staff do it when they're supposed to be in line with the others. Please?" he added a slight pout at the end, jutting out his lower lip and widening his eyes. Now normally nothing like that would ever work, with anyone, but I have found that even if I protest I'll end up doing it anyway. Damn him, having me wrapped around his little finger without even realizing it.

As I made my way to him his pout stretched into a wide grin. And it was then, when his face was transitioning emotions, that I caught sight of it. It being something close to sadness, or something similar at the very least. 

Caught you Eren.

Eren already had everyone lined up, in alphabetical order according to the little clip board he was holding. All I had to do was hold said board with the list on it and cross different staff members off. All in all it didn't take more than five minutes, and everyone thanked not only Eren, but  _me_. They actually thanked me, as if it was my idea, and I have to admit it felt pretty nice. Once everyone had gone to put their icing away, and started cleaning Eren turned to me, a triumphant grin on his face.

"I told you it would work, did you hear how gracious they were towards you? I'd call this day a success, wouldn't you?" his smile only grew and I actually had to fight the urge to smile back, it was infectious. I gave up the fight though, letting a very small smile grace my features. His eyes widened even more, and it was definitely worth it.

"Come on, let's go inside, I'm getting eaten alive by mosquitos and I think I'm about to melt." I grabbed his hand, the only safe place I can touch him without him freaking out, and drug him inside. We went passed all the staff who were in the process of cleaning and into the lounge by my office. There were two doors in my office, one led to the previously mention lounge and the other to my library. It was convenient.

I sat on the chaise, Eren and I's favorite place when we're in here. I pulled Eren down next to me, though he chose to push me back so he could rest on my chest. Typical brat.

"So you obviously want to talk, what is it?" Eren asked once he was settled.

"You said you would tell me what today was, I'm simply waiting for you." But he didn't say anything, he only tightened his grip around my waist and tried to bury his face deeper into my chest. I trailed my hand up his back to run my fingers through his hair. I could feel the unease rolling off his in waves, and I would try and provide as much comfort to him as possible in the small ways I could. So we sat there in tense silence for the better part of twenty minutes.

"Today... today my mom died. It was a car accident. I was sitting in the back seat when we got t-boned by a semi. I was eight and too young to lose my mother, but she was even younger and shouldn't have died. And then when I was fourteen, my dad left, both parents taken from me on the same day, and all because the truck driver was tired because he had been driving non-stop for almost eighteen hours." He had said it so simply, as if there was nothing more to it, but I knew he was withholding most of what happened. This was just a summary, and I didn't know how to get him to let me read the rest of the story.

"Eren," I was hesitant on how to continue, "Eren, I know that isn't it. If you don't want to tell me all of it right now I understand, but... just know that I'm here if you need me." And with that we plunged into yet another lingering silence, this one lasting longer than the first.

"We were on our way back home from the store. We had just gone to buy some ingredients because I wanted to bake a cake with her. She died over a fucking cake." He shook his head, what the point was I don't know but I didn't interrupt. "She was killed on impact, and I was in a coma for a few months. But I got better, and sometimes, I think my dad hated the fact that I was healing." He breathed in a deeply and shakily, him tensing up even further, like he was a wind-up toy.

"I told you he was an asshole right? That was with mom around, but now without her there? He was a monster. Constantly telling me that her death was my fault, telling me it should have been me instead. He never laid a hand on me, not once, but why would he need to when he could destroy me with only a few words? And when he wasn't satisfied with forcing more self-loathing upon me, instead of locking me in a closet, he would confine me to our dark basement for hours at a time. God I always hated the dark. I had this irrational fear of it, so when he would put me down there I would cry and beg and plead for him to let me out. Sometimes he would even leave me down there overnight. No food, no water, no light, nothing. Just me and my hatred for myself. And whenever the anniversary would come around he left me trapped in there for three days at a time. The day before, the day of, and the day after. He brought me one meal a day with a glass of water and a bucket in case I had to use the restroom. For five years that was how I lived.

And whenever I wasn't in the basement, after I turned eleven he would just leave. At first it was only a few hours, then several, until eventually he would just disappear for days, sometimes almost a week at a time, then he would only stay for a couple of days before leaving again. He paid the bills, but that was it. He didn't bother buying food since he was almost never there. Didn't bother buying clothes for me. At one in time I was wearing a pair of shoes two sizes too small, pants that didn't even come close to reaching my ankles and a coat that was a size too small. The teachers at school got together and got me new clothes towards the end of my seventh grade school year. They looked out for me, and Mikasa and Armin took care of feeding me. I would switch back and forth between their houses for dinner. And I ate lunch and breakfast at school, unless it was summer in which case it was breakfast and dinner at Mikasa or Armin's house. When I turned fourteen I got a job as a bus boy and was able to buy food with my measly pay checks, and stop relying on my two friends and their families so much. Things were a little better, I was able to work more hours after school ended and whenever I wasn't working I would hang out with my only friends." His breath was hitching as he tried to steady it. His tears were seeping into the front of my shirt and I squeezed him tighter. Hanji had told me to prepare myself, but I didn't know what for, and it was made even worse by the fact that I don't think he had even gotten to the worst part yet.

"But then when I was stashing food for when my dad would most undoubtedly be home and lock me in the basement again. He never came home the day before though. You know that gut feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you something is about to happen, that you just need to leave and not look back?" he asked, not giving me enough time to respond, "I had had that feeling all day, and when I woke up that morning he still wasn't there that feeling only got worse, but I ignored it and got ready for work. It was maybe ten and I was just about to leave, I didn't start till eleven but I had to walk and I didn't want to be late. 

He came rushing in the house in a fit of drunken rage, honestly I was surprised he could even stand up straight. Even then, with him staggering wildly his eyes clouded with alcohol he was still stronger than me. And then I saw the look in his eyes, this look of pure hatred, and it was then that I realized two things at once. One, is that he was looking at  _me_ , his hatred and disgust were directed at me, and two, was that he was going to kill me. Don't ask me how I knew, I can't tell you, but I knew. I also saw it a moment too late. He was too close, I couldn't go around him to reach the front door. My only option was to get up the stairs as fast as I could and hopefully lock my door. I didn't know whether it would keep him out, but I figured it would give me enough time to call the police and for them to get here." He choked on a sob, tightening his arms around my waist so much that it hurt and I was sure I was going to bruise, though I wasn't going to tell him to stop. He could do whatever he needed to get through this.

"I was wrong though, something life has shoved into my face every chance it gets. I had ran up the stairs but half way up he had grabbed my calf. I yanked on my leg until he had let go. I dashed into my room, and was just about to close the door when he kicked it, throwing me back and the door wide open. I fought, it was inevitable that I would lose, but I was going to fight until the end. And when he picked me up by the throat and bashed my head against the window, breaking it in the process, then tried to throw me out the window I knew I was going to die... but I didn't, I got stuck. The jagged edges of the window dug into my back right above my hips. And the longer I flailed and struggled the more I sunk deeper onto the glass, I suppose I should be grateful. I got stuck and it prevented me from falling to the ground two stories below. He left after that, just walked out the room calmly, as if his only child wasn't dying by his own hands. Eventually, and I don't know how I did this either, I had managed to lift myself enough to drop to the floor in my room. I passed out after that.

I was supposed to go over for dinner at Mikasa's and when I didn't answer the house phone she had gotten worried. So her mother, Armin, and Mikasa all came over to check on me. When they saw the front door was left open Mikasa's mother told them to wait outside while she checked the house. When she found me she called the police and an ambulance, I was rushed to the hospital and they operated immediately to try and minimalize some of the damage done.

The glass was embedded all over my back, the scars you saw in the mirror, he did those. But do you want to know the worse part about that whole fucked up event? They never found him, when he walked out of my room, he might as well have walked off the face of the earth. They looked everywhere, the state, the country. They shut off every access he had to money, freezing his accounts, giving his picture to Interpol so he couldn't leave the country or get into another one. They never found him, dead or alive. Nothing. He ruined my life, and he won't spend one day in prison, he'd walked free once he thought I was dead." Eren was full blown sobbing now, and I wasn't fairing much better. I wasn't crying, but my eye sight was obscured by unshed tears and my stomach was clenched in knots.

"Don't cry, please don't cry. I hate seeing you like this." I spoke around the burning lump in my throat, rubbing his back with one hand while the other continues to run through his hair. But Eren surprised me, grabbing my hand and moving it to the crown of his head to the right side. I could feel the small ridge on his scalp. He grabbed my other hand and moved that one to the scar on his back, the large one that ran from one hip to the other, the one I had purposefully been avoiding. But I took the hint, lightly running over each one.

So we sat laid there, him calming slowly as I eased some of the psychological pain with soft caring touches to real places of pain. I would place an occasional kiss to the top of his head.

"Do they still hurt?" it was murmured with my face buried in his hair, so I doubted he could even hear me, but he nodded his head anyway.

"The one on my back does sometimes. My doctor said there wasn't actually pain though, he called it a 'phantom ache'. While that may be the case, just because it's all in my head doesn't mean it hurts any less." he sounded tired, exhausted really.

"I've made a decision, call it rash or stupid, but oh well."

"And what would that be?" he asked, looking up at me with red rimmed eyes, my previous statement that it made the color of his irises stand out and that it was beautiful still stands. But I could have sworn that I told myself I never wanted to see him cry again. As I gazed into his eyes, I could see the pain and hurt and years of trauma from both his dad and Zackary, and I hated it. I leaned forward, slowly, so he could pull away at any time. But he didn't, I was maybe a few millimeters away from his lips. Eren's breath hitched, his eyes flicking up to meet mine as they asked a question. _May I?_

By way of reply Eren pressed his lips hesitantly to mine. The kiss was slow and halting, each of us tiptoeing around the other. Afraid of scaring him off, I let him control the kiss, let him lead just how far we were going to take this. It was tender and sweet, and if I'm being honest right now, everything I had been dreaming of. I never would have thought that I would go from loathing Eren, to this, to  _cherishing_  him. Wanting to protect him, to comfort him in any way possible, to make him happy. I don't even want that for myself most days, so feeling that strongly for Eren is frightening, but in the best of ways. Love is too strong a word, but I was going down that road at breakneck speeds.

It wasn't until I had tried to deepen the kiss that he finally pulled away from me. He didn't move off of me, just moved back some. His eyes lids fluttered open, and I couldn't read the emotions swirling in his Caribbean depths.

"Zackary never kissed me like that." spoken quietly in the space between us -which wasn't much- as if he was afraid that this calm we had created would shatter if it was uttered too loudly.

"It means he was doing it wrong." I didn't know whether it was appropriate to joke about this subject, and I didn't realize I was holding my breath on the matter until he let out a chuckle.

"Yes, I suppose he was." He laid his head back on my chest, curling further into my side. "One would think that, I would have recognized his personality, his traits, as things similar to Grisha's."

"Grisha?" that was a new name as far as I remembered, I don't think he had ever mentioned it before.

"My father, but since he isn't there's no point in calling him such. So he's just Grisha."

"Ah. You know, you're past sucks, but I think that you're doing just fine right now, and even if you're not great, fine is better than nothing."  _Wow Levi, tactful as ever huh?_

"I guess that has some truth to it."

"On a completely random topic, have you checked your bank account recently?" I wanted to get away from this subject matter altogether and as quickly as possible.

"No? Should I have?" I could see the look of confusion on his face, the way his brows furrow and his nose scrunches up, despite not being able to see his face due to it being buried in my in shirt.

"Well come on, up." I patted his back a few times. He reluctantly got up pouting all the way. I stood then, leading the way into my office. He followed me behind my desk, I put my hands on his shoulders to push him down into my chair.

"What am I doing?" he asked, looking up at me... _looking up at me_ , over the back of the chair.

"Checking your account. You need to clean the wax out of your ears brat." He rolled his eyes at me. While he logged in I went and sat in the smaller chair on the other side of my desk, and god was it uncomfortable. I watched his face, that way I could see the exact moment he realized that there was a lot more money than there had previously been. I should have gotten a camera so I could record it. His already strikingly large eyes widened, his mouth gaping, opening and closing like a landed fish. I could see him pinching his hand on the top of my desk.

"You're not dreaming, knock it off before you bruise yourself."

"Oh my God! Levi! What did you do?" he turned his face to me, only to see me smirking.

"I paid you back." I answered simply.

"Levi, I said fifteen hundred,  _not_  one hundred fifty _thousand_. Do you know how to count zeros? This is as much as some people make in a year. Oh my God I think I'm going to have a heart attack. I'm too young to die from a heart attack Levi." He said, pressing a hand to his chest.

"You're not dying, and I know how to count zeros. It's called interest, something that inflates most numbers to an outrageous degree when it comes to business loans."

"Levi it was not a business loan. I didn't loan you anything. And what the fuck kind of interest bumps fifteen hundred to one hu- god I can't even finish the number without choking."

"I think you're being overly dramatic, and since you can't give it back I think you should just live with the fact that 'you have more money than you know what to do with'." I shrugged. He glared, or I think he was trying to, but it also looked like he wanted to laugh, so his face was twisted up with warring emotions. It was very amusing to watch. Eventually he just gave in to letting a huge grin split his face.

"Fuck you, and I guess it would also make sense to thank you. I can probably pay for the next few years of my college tuition with this." College, he did say that he was still in school, hadn't he. My chest tightened knowing that he wouldn't have to stress about where he would get the funds, or about actual loans that he would have to pay back.

"And I can't even pay you back for all this, I don't think that I've made that much in all the years I've worked. Oh god Levi you fucking idiot. I can't believe you did this. How did you even... you called Hanji didn't you? I'm going to smother them."

"Don't be so homicidal, they told me to pay you back, I don't think they meant that much, but in actuality all I did was add a few zeros. Now I think we've discussed this enough and I really want to take a bath now." His face instantly dropped, and I tried to figure out how to backtrack to make this better, but I didn't know what I had said. Does he not want me to leave? Or does he just not want to be alone? My solution was to take a bath with him, though I shot that idea down quickly. I couldn't find any other answer to the problem, unless I just didn't take a shower right now. I internally grimaced at the thought. "But if you want to do something else, as long as we can get away from this discussion, I'm all for it." I quickly amended.

"Well no, if you want to get cleaned up I'll just go do the same, I guess. I need a shower after spending all day outside." He let out something like a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck. I was going to regret suggesting this, and before I could talk myself out of saying it I had said, "Would you... we could, I mean.... you can always take a bath with me... if you want to." I could feel my cheeks heating up with each word I spoke and I wanted to hit myself, very hard, in the face. I don't fluster easily, or at all really, but here I was, blushing like some idiot with some teenage school girl crush. What was Eren doing to me?

He looked at me skeptically. "Are you comfortable with that?"

Was I? It's too late to say 'well no actually...' I very well could have and he wouldn't have minded, but something held me back from saying as much. "Yeah I'm fine with it." I shrugged in a way I hoped seemed casual and not as stiff as it felt.

"Okay, that sounds nice."  _Fuck._

~

[Eren's POV]

Of all the distressing things I have done over the years, this is probably the worst. It isn't even the fact that it's Levi I'm bathing with, it's the fact that I'm extremely self-conscious. All the scars, how thin I am, how pale I am, I look like a walking skeleton. Even the color of my eyes has dulled over time. So the suggestion was nice, the thought of taking a bath with him was also nice, but at the realization that he would see me, all of me, scared me more than I was willing to admit.

"So now it's my turn to ask you if you're okay with this." Levi spoke up from behind me, startling me in the process. I spun around to face him, to see a concerned look on his face.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You look like you're about to shit yourself."

"I'm fine, it's just been a long day and I'm tired." The lie rolled off my tongue smoothly, just like it had for the past several years.

"I've found that 'I'm fine' and 'I'm just tired' are code for 'I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown, but I'm too stubborn to accept the fact that I may actually need someone to lean on'."  _Well... that is surprisingly accurate._

"I don't want you to see all my scars, and it's pushing me to 'the edge of a mental breakdown'. No one has seen me except Zackary, and he always made it a point to comment on how he thought they were a disfigurement of sorts. That they took away from my prized possession look. I was supposed to be his 'trophy wife' but if the situation called for me to remove my shirt I had to stay home. He hated them and he never let me forget just how much."

It seemed like no matter what he asked me I was compelled to answer, the responses just flowed out of my mouth before I even knew I was speaking. I wanted to swallow the words back down, let them dissolve in my stomach acid, even if it meant I had to be sick so he wouldn't hear all the things I had gone through, he knew just about all the most traumatic experiences I've ever gone through. Between my mom, my dad, bullies in school, and Zackary, I had enough reason to hate life. I still on occasion do, but then I think about how much progress I've made over the years, just how far I've come from being that little nine year old crying by the door of his basement. Crying because it was dark, and he was cold, tired, hungry, and had soiled himself because he couldn't leave the basement. Knowing that when his father came back he was going to be angry, tell him just how much of a disappointment he was, tell him that he was pathetic, and that he had to stay in the musty basement longer, that his mother should never have had to raise such a failure, that he was a  _mistake_.

And how far I've come from Zackary, being told I was a burden, just a bother to everyone. That I was just an obstacle in his path to happiness, that I should never forget just how kind he was being taking me in like he did, because he could have just as easily kicked me out and let me starve, that not even my friends would want to put the effort into helping me because I had alienated them, had pushed them away even though it was all Zackary's doing.

I was pulled out of my inner ramblings by Levi gently wiping tears I hadn't even realized I had shed away with his thumb. "Every time I hear about things he's said or done to you I want to bring him back from the dead just so I can kill him again. God I hate seeing you like this Eren, it really does break my heart to see you cry."

"I'm sorry." There was that instinctual reply again, and Levi's eyes hardened at it.

"Don't. Don't you ever fucking apologize for showing any kind of emotion around me. I'm not your father and I'm not the fucker who  treated you like an animal. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad, and keeping it in does nothing but make thing worse. So despite what I say if you need to cry then do it, I just hate knowing that you're sad and I can't fix it. Okay?" I nodded my head, bringing a weak, but genuine smile to my lips.

"Yeah. Thank you."

"You're welcome, now can we please take a bath, seriously my skin is crawling." He shuddered and I let out a small laugh.

"Come on." I walked into his bathroom, the tub already full with water and bubbles. I sucked in a deep breath before removing my shirt. Everything followed suit quickly after and within a minute I was immersing myself in the scented water. Levi got in shortly after me and we let a comfortable silence wash over us. The water soothing sore and tense muscles as well as washing away the layer of grime on our skin.

Once we had cleaned ourselves -Levi washing my back since I was hesitant to touch it, that 'phantom ache' had come back- and rinsed, we got out of the lukewarm water and got into our pajamas. I grabbed more icing from downstairs, which Levi didn't even comment on, and we sat in his room on the bed, just eating icing together. When I was finally tired enough to sleep, Levi took the icing back downstairs, then got into bed next to me, letting me lay my head on his chest as I drifted off.

As my hazy mind wandered I had the brief feeling that I needed to take a step back from Levi, that I was getting too close, but I couldn't care less. Aside from Hanji, Mikasa, and Armin, all of whom I've known significantly longer than Levi, no one has ever treated like I was something to be treasured, not even Zackary during that 'honeymoon stage' of our relationship. Even if Levi turned out to have even more demons than Zackary, I think that until he reveals them, I'll be as close as he'll let me. Levi doesn't seem like the type to be hide his personality though, no matter how callous it is. I was confident in the fact that this was real. That his feelings -whatever they may be- were real, that my feelings for him -no matter how much my mind protests against such feelings- were also real. And it eased me even further in my own personal dreamscape. Today may be the anniversary of two terrible events in my life, but I think it's also the true beginning of my new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So quite a bit happened in this chapter huh? I also think this is the longest chapter I've done thus far. The eighteenth is actually an anniversary for me too, nothing like what Eren has gone through, but unpleasant nonetheless. Now tell me, what were you guys expecting? Less? More? More darkness? I will tell you guys that I did get a bit teary eyed while writing this. Also I need an actual Levi to exist and give me that much money, because ughhh, college. Annnnnndddd, guys they kissed. I made them kiss. I'm got the fangirly feels writing my own fluffy kiss scene.   
> Now I would like to thank everyone for more than two thousand hits and almost two hundred kudos. Seriously, like holy cow.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lookie I updated... I am very very sorry about my impromptu haitus. There are several different reasons, none of which are good enough to not have at least notified you guys, but I am back and I should stay. So long as nothing else pops up, however life loves giving me surprises that I most certainly didn't ask for. Anyway, here is a rather cute and fluffy chapter, but since I am incapable of just writing fluff there is a tiny bit of angst as well. Enjoy.

“Eren, come on Eren. Get up.” Levi was nudging me in my side, but I was determined to stay in bed longer. Crying as much as I did yesterday, I was still exhausted.

“Five more minutes.” I grumbled, rolling onto my side, bringing the pillow with me and covering my head with it.

“No, it’s eight we need to get up.” _Eight? Why the fuck do I need to get up at eight?_

“Fuck no we don’t, who even gets up at eight, are we in school again?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider?” his voice sounded eerily cheery, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. But he underestimated my resolve to not move from the bed at all today, so I shook my head and let myself relax into the mattress.

“Okay, fine.” Levi flopped onto the middle of my back, knocking the air out of me in the process. My arms and legs flailed, but god was he heavy.

“Okay, okay, get up, I’ll get up.” I whined out, I heard Levi chuckle darkly before he responded with, “Oh no Eren. You said five more minutes and now I’m tired too, so five minutes it is brat.”

“Levi~, please? I’ll get up, we can do whatever you want.” Begging seemed like the next best thing since I couldn’t physically move him.

“Nope, this is what happens when you’re a brat. Now enjoy your five more minutes.”

“It’s only four now.” I sat up on my elbows, looking over my shoulder at him. Levi was laying on his stomach, arms stretched out over his head with his chin resting on top of thick duvet. He turned his head so he could gaze at me from the corner of his eye, a smirk making its way to his stoic face.

“Four, five, what difference does it make?” he raised a slim eyebrow at me.

“I’ll still be alive at the end of four minutes. You’re suffocating me. Seriously, how are you so heavy?”

“I work out.” Was his nonchalant reply.

“Please, get off. I really will do anything you want, please.” I was going to try one last attempt at begging before I just give in.

“Anything?” he asked, turning his head fully.

“Within reason, something I’m actually capable of doing. I can’t fly, I can’t make pigs fly, and I can’t walk on the moon.”

“Are those the only things you can’t do?” I stared blankly at him by way of answer. He let out a breathy chuckle, “Fine, how about… you give me another kiss. The one I got yesterday was all sad and depressing, kind of like those awful ‘goodbye’ kisses in movies were someone is about to die.” My thought processes short circuited. I had kissed him yesterday hadn’t I. Thinking back on it, it was pretty sad. But the question was, did I want to kiss him now? My thoughts from last night creeped to the forefront of my mind, and I had to wonder if getting close was a good idea. But I did want him to get off. Zackary had loved making deals with me, ‘I will or won’t do this, but you have to do something for me in return’. Zackary liked going back on his word though. But my brain didn’t recognize that difference in the way Zackary made deals, and the fact that Levi was just joking.

I swallowed thickly. “Sure.”

He sat up, lifting his weight off my back which I rolled onto so I could watch him move to sit on the edge of the bed, by my head. He put his arms on either side of my head and leaned down. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to breathe deeply through my nose, but it ended up just being shallow bursts of air. My hands tightened into fist and my body started going rigid. All I had to do was blank out, then I could get through this just fine.

When I didn’t feel his lips on mine after a few moments I hesitantly peeked my eyes open. “What are you doing?”

“You’re allowed to say no to me Eren. God I can feel the tension coming off you.” He faced me crossing his legs Indian style. “If you didn’t want to you should have just said so. I wouldn’t force you to do anything. Not ever.”

I breathed out, the tension seeping out of me as the air left my lungs. “I know, I just… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that to you. I do want to kiss you but my mind doesn’t seem to think it’s a good idea. It’s telling me to run away from you, it doesn’t want to let you in. It’s tired of getting hurt all the time.”

“I would never hurt you like that. You know that don’t you?”  I kept silent, because did I know that? Did I really know that he would never hurt me? Did I know him well enough for me to make that assumption? I thought I knew Zackary, but look where that got me. I was a broken person, trying to fake it to the people close to me. I was beaten down and bruised in every possible way all my life, and now Levi wants me to take him at face value. To trust him, and really only Hanji has that, not even Mikasa and Armin really have all of it anymore. But I want to trust him, this feeling in my chest is pushing me to say that of course I know he would never intentionally hurt me, but that intentional or not it could happen, and that was what scared me. The idea that no matter how much he promises he still might, because he might be just like Zackary or even worse. Or he could be the complete opposite but he still might, he might not even realize he does it either. But again, that feeling, that I could trust him and it gave me this warm pleasant buzz that I don’t think I’ve ever felt.  


“Yeah, I know that. Sorry, I just… God I really want to trust you, it’s this feeling in my chest, that tells me I know I can, but then my head gets in the way and I have to fight myself over it.” And I think that’s the most honest thing that I’ve said to someone aside from myself in the middle of the night, with only the dark as my companion.

He pulled me into his lap, arms going around my waist as he placed light kisses on my back and nape of my neck. “I’m sorry that they did this to you, that they made you afraid of letting people in. But I’ll always be here for you, and I’ll wait until you can open up to me. Until you can trust me.” And we sat like that, in the quiet silence, as I let him give me the physical contact that I had been craving, a touch that didn’t have the intention to harm me or cause me pain. And when I moved my head to rest on his shoulder, he just kissed my forehead and temple instead. And maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to let him in, like the way I let Zackary in. But I would do it slowly, see if I needed to pull away at any time. I wouldn’t rush head first into this, but I would start opening up more, start letting him see what’s under this mask of mine.

~

When I woke up a few hours later, with me resting on Levi’s chest just like always, that warmth that was previously in my chest spread. I snuggled further into Levi’s chest, his arm around my waist and back tightening subconsciously.

“Finally up sleepy head?” he murmured, his voice still groggy with sleep. It was a good octave lower that his normal voice and it sent shivers down my spine. I hummed, talking right now would be too much work when all I wanted was to lay here with him.

“We should get up soon, as much as I love doing this I have some paper work to finish.”

“No, stay here, don’t leave.” I whined, it’s not like I thought it would actually work but it was worth a try.

“I’m not leaving, I’m going literally three doors over to my office. I don’t even have to get out of my pajamas. Come sit with me if it will make you feel better.” _Oh, well that works, but…_

“No, we’re staying right here. You’re not aloud to leave this room.”

“You’re a shitty brat, you know that.” I made a noncommittal sound.

“Fine, yes are you happy now?”

“Very, but can we eat lunch before we confine ourselves to the room for the rest of the day?”

“Of course.” He placated.

“No no wait, can we eat in bed?” I asked hopefully, lifting my head up to gaze at him.

“Now you’re pushing it.” Levi grumbled.

“Please Levi, pretty please.”

“Whatever, okay. Fuck, Hanji needs to come get you. You’re driving me up a fucking wall.” he complained. It was funny, but not because now I felt like I was burdening him. Sure I knew he was joking but it was just like with earlier. So to escape my suddenly depressing thoughts I said something I knew would make him laugh.

“I used to climb the walls when I was younger. My mother used to call me her little spider man, and it only made me want to do it more because you know, at six every small boy’s dream is to be a super hero. But that was only half of mine, I wanted to be a super hero by joining the military, being a marine, a bit of an unusual dream for a six year old but that’s just me. It’s funny because I actually don’t even like spider man now.”

“How did you climb walls? That isn’t physically possible unless you’re really spider man. I’m not going to come across your suit in the laundry one day am I?” Levi joked, his tone teasing.

“I have no idea how I did it then, and no, there’s no suits I’m aware of. Now lunch, seriously I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Levi picked up the house intercom mike, chiming Terra to come upstairs. We only had to wait a minute for her to knock gently against the door.

“Entrez.” Levi called.

“Oui monsieur? Vous avez appelé pour moi?” She asked, opening the door enough to peek her head in.

“Oui, S'il vous plaît ont deux premiers déjeuners envoyés jusqu'à.”

“Bien sûr monsieur, tout de suite.” She shut the door quietly behind her, leaving Levi and I in silence.

“So early lunches? It’s only like ten, so shouldn’t it be a late breakfast?” I wondered, Levi didn’t necessarily need to answer, it was just an open inquiry.

“I guess, but I want lunch now, not breakfast.” Eren took this into consideration, and decided that he too wanted lunch, not breakfast.

“Fair point, can I go get a book from the library while we wait for food?” I felt Levi nod against my head as he answered around a yawn, “Sure, why not since you won’t let me leave.” I scurried out of bed to rush to the door, flinging it open and rushing to the library. I went in search of the last book I was reading, but another one caught my eye. I grabbed that one and continued on in my search of The Count of Monte Cristo. Once acquired I hurried back to the warm bed with a warm Levi waiting for me. A smile graced my features at the thought.

 I stopped at the door to see Levi sitting up in bed, his back propped up against the headboard. His head leaned back, face turned towards the ceiling with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful in that moment that I almost didn’t want to disturb him, so I crept into the room as silently as possible, and slowly climbing onto the bed beside Levi. He tilted his head to look at me, giving me a small smile before once again closing his eyes.

I opened The Count of Monte Cristo and picked up where I had left off the previous time I had read this, letting the blissful silence wrap around Levi and I as we waited for our food. When it arrived I took the tray from Terra and dismissed her. I thought of different pleasant ways I could wake up the sleeping man and settled on waking his with light butterfly kisses, my mom used to do that when I was younger, though the relationship is obviously not the same, it’s pleasant all the same.

Setting the tray down at the foot of the bed a carefully slid onto Levi’s lap, straddling him. I put my hands on either side of his face which I promptly started to kiss. The first was on his forehead, feather-light. The next was on each eye lid, each cheek, his nose, his chin, the corners of his mouth. I hesitated then, staring at his lips, my eyes flicked up to see Levi’s still sleeping face and I decided to throw caution to the wind. Before I could over think anything I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his in a soft kiss. He slept on so I did it again and again, each one with more pressure than the last. Lei groaned eventually, after me peppering his entire face, lips included at least five times. His eyes slowly fluttered open, his brows furrowing even further than usual as his bleary eyes focused on my face which he probably thought was too close to his own.

“What are you doing?” his asked, sitting up a little bit more as he did so.

“Waking you. Food is here, has been for the past ten minutes actually.”

“Why are you kissing my face? What happened to waking people up like a normal person would?” he yawned, a hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Normal is a relative term, like with most things this day and age.” I said, in that philosophical way that only I could possibly manage.

“Relative?”

“If you want the ‘status quo’ then the correct word would be ‘average’ not normal. What is considered ‘normal’ varies from person to person, thus making it relative. And now that that is out of the way and you’re finally awake, let’s eat.” I pick up the tray handing Levi one of the plates off of it. One each plate it a half sandwich, with turkey and cheese for Levi and a ham and cheese for me, since I have a general dislike of turkey. And a small bowl of soup, or in my case chowder, clam chowder to be exact, and I’m not quite sure what Levi’s is but I’m also too tired to care and to hungry to bother asking as I say a quick grace and dig in. We eat in an almost silence, the only sounds being the clank of our spoons on the bottoms of our bowls.

Once done we continue on in our comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s presence. We shifted positions occasionally, getting stiff in the last way we had been sitting. The last time he we moved it was by far the most comfortable way to sit, with Levi leaning back against the head board like earlier this morning, and me with my back pressed against his chest his arms resting around my hips as I held up a book for us to read. We read separately, not breaking the silence, when Levi was done reading a page he would pat my stomach signaling for me to turn the page, and thankfully we both read at about the same pace so there was never to long of a gap.

Around six, Levi called Terra up again, to send for dinner. Dinner consisted of pasta, with a small salad and a piece of garlic bread. A simple spaghetti with marinara sauce, and a classic salad. While I had angel hair pasta with shrimp and alfredo sauce, and a ceasar salad. That too passed in a companionable silence. After, we continued to read until the sun went down, at which point we could not read with the light through the windows. Opting to instead put the book away till later and take a bath, which we did together like yesterday. We got dressed in our pajamas, and cuddled for about an hour until we were both too tired to stay awake any longer. Levi placing a tender kiss on my forehead and me placing one on his collarbone as we were dragged under the waves of consciousness, falling asleep wrapped in each other’s arm for the second night in a row.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I would just like to thank everyone for the hits and kudos, as well as the supporting and encouraging comments, it makes writing (as well as doubting my writing every now and then) worth it to know you guys enjoy what I post.
> 
> Translations (I think)
> 
> "Entrez." - "Enter."
> 
> "Oui monsieur? Vous avez appelé pour moi?" - "Yes sir? You called for me?"
> 
> "Oui, S'il vous plaît ont deux premiers déjeuners envoyés jusqu'à." - "Yes, please have two early lunches sent up."
> 
> "Bien sûr monsieur, tout de suite." - "Of course sir, right away."


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is still Saturday therefore this update is perfectly acceptable. So this is mainly just a filler chapter, I am sorry for this being out later than I wanted, but I'll explain at the end. And without further ado, I give you my short, cute, and fluffy chapter with a special guest appearance.

“Good evening Levi, how was work?” I was currently lounging in the library, on one of the many chairs set around the room, there were several chaises and loveseats as well. The plush, rose hued chair I was occupying happened to be placed by one of the estates many chimneys, though it was unlit. I myself had only been here for half an hour, seeing as how I had had work today and just recently returned.

“Boring, I loathe meetings with a passion. And then I had to sign some stupid documents for stupid people over stupid matters that should have been resolved months ago.” He groaned, coming towards me to look down at me.

“What are you reading?” He asked, once he could see what I had been doing.

“The Count of Monte Cristo. I’ve been reading it the past few days.” I put in the bookmark I had been using, a golden infinity sign with a burgundy tassel. “What’s for dinner?”

Levi took the book from me, placing it on the nearby table and pushing me back into a sitting position before climbing into my lap, his back against one arm and his legs draped over the other. Once he was situated comfortably he leaned forward some to rest his head on my shoulder. After he was cozy he finally spoke, answering my inquiry by making one of his own.

“What do you want of dinner? Do you have a craving for something in particular? I’ll give you anything you want. Anything you ask for.” His breath was warm on my neck, tickling my skin. His voice was low and sultry and quiet. It was seductive, and I had never felt so turned on by someone asking me what I have a craving for, because if we weren’t talking about eating I might I have done something crazy and said I have a craving for you. But I steered myself away from temptation, telling myself that I would address it later, focusing on my empty stomach instead. What did my stomach want?

“I want soup, but I also want seafood.”  I said, nuzzling the top of his head, breathing in his scent. The scent of soap and citrus and sandalwood, like my mother almost.

Levi’s scent reminds me of my mother, and I would cherish this reminder for as long as possible.

“We’ll leave as soon as I feel like moving.” My head snapped up. _Leaving?_

“Wait. Leaving? Leaving where? Why?”

“We’re going out for dinner tonight, one of my favorite places. I happen to be friends with the owner and she’s been begging me to stop by, I figure that not only by going, but by bringing you along as well, this should placate her.”

“Okay, well when are you going to move then? Do we need reservations? Do I have to wear something nice? Who is your fri-” I was silenced from playing twenty questions by Levi’s lips pressing against my own, warm and soft.

I leaned into the kiss, my tonguing instinctively darting out to lick his lower lip. He was straddling me in a heartbeat, pushing his body into mine until we were flush against one another. He nipped at my lips, eventually sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. I groaned at the feeling my hands finding his hips and clutching at them as his hands slid into my hair twisting his fingers in it. He bit down particularly hard on my lip and I opened my mouth in a gasp. Levi took that chance to plunge his tongue into my mouth.

Our tongues wrestled for dominance, for control of the kiss, control neither one of us wanted to relinquish. He won though, I was getting tired of fighting him and so I let him have it and he took the opportunity to slowly explore every inch of my mouth. Small moans from each of us escaping here and there.

When I felt myself growing hard is when I finally pulled back, Levi’s lips chasing after mine. Both of us panting through glistening and kiss swollen lips. I caught my breath before I tried speaking and even then my voice sounded breathy. “We should probably go now.”

“No, we should just stay in, stay right here.” He leaned in again but I turned my head chuckling at him.

“Levi.” I chastised.

“ _Please_?” Levi whined, actually _whined and begged_. All this just for another kiss. So I appeased him by giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“No. Now can you answer my previous questions?” I was quickly becoming exasperated with this.

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later, now seriously food.” I commented that first part off handedly, so I could addressed the most pressing issue on my mind.

He got this look in his eyes that let me know this wasn’t over, but dropped it none the less, though reluctantly. “Fine.” He ground out, between clenched teeth. “Yes most people need reservations, however since I’m friends with the owner I don’t need one. And most places that require reservations require formal attire.”

“Oh, okay. Then get up and let’s go.”

~

“Oh my God! _This_ is the place that you’re friend owns?! The most well-known, most upscale, the most _most_ restaurant in the whole city!”

“Yes Eren, my friend owns _La Place de Bel_. Can we go inside now?” he tapped his foot impatiently on the ground, his arms crossed tightly over his suit clad chest, the complete black pinstripe suit with a grey tie. My own suit though not quite expensive was no less flattering, black pants and a light grey shirt and tie the color of my eyes, my hair almost close to tamed.

“Come on.” We made our way up to the front entrance, large carved wooden doors, with long gold vertical bars acting as handles. Walking through there was a small entryway of sorts, there were small benches acting as a sitting area, a large Persian rug running along the mahogany flooring. We approached the hostess, asking who our reservation was under. Levi stepped forward and whispered something to her, her eyes widening comically. She nodded rapidly and made a gesture to follow her. We followed to our seats. A small circular table with a view of the skyscrapers on the skyline, and a chandelier hanging above us.

We waited for a moment, Levi saying that his friend would be here as soon as she heard. Within a minute and a half on the hostess leaving there was someone else, though much shorter coming towards us.

“Big bro! Holy shit you actually came. I thought you were lying.” The short red head with large green eyes pretty much shouted. Disturbing patrons in the surrounding area, though it’s not like she had to worry about complaints because she owned the place. Levi made that weird clicking noise again, but stood anyway. The red head leaping into his arms, knocking his back a step or two in the process.

“Language Izzy.” But the chiding sounded affectionate.

“Like you don’t have a mouth ten times worse than my own.” she laughed, finally letting go of him and stepping back.

“Not the point.” He sat again looking ever so slightly up at her.

“You’re right, the point is you’re here. Now introduce me to the cutie with the amazing eyes.”

“Izzy this is Eren, Eren this is Isabel my long-time friend somehow turned unofficial adopted sister.” He introduce, his hand going from Isabel to me, and back again. After introductions were over Isabel actually stayed and ate with us. We talked and exchanged stories, most about her and Levi when they were younger, much to my enjoyment and Levi’s chagrin. We left after dessert, Levi with a promise that he would call and visit more, me with the promise that I would see Isabel again soon, and Isabel with a ‘you better bring the cutie with the Jaeger booty back to see me soon or I’ll come to your house to see him, and I might stay for awhile while I’m at it’. All in all I had a wonderful time, though going home to bathe with Levi again wasn’t bad either. And neither was falling asleep in his arms again for the third night in a row.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am sorry for this being late, but I haven't really been able to write. I have been in the hospital for the past twelve days and I still don't know when I'm going to be able to go home. Between being exhausted and drugged out of my mind writing has been near impossible. Hence the short and late chapter. Because of this I don't know when my next one will be out either and I'm sorry for this fact as well. Thank you for being so understanding and forgiving.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I'm so sorry for how late this update is (and I realize that in some places in the country it is Sunday but where I am it is still Saturday), but I ended up in hospital, again. Now that I'm out though my updates should be more regular. Anyway, on to the new chapter which actually has some plot in it instead of mindless fluff (side note : this is about two weeks after last chapter). *sigh*

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I walked towards my bike. My shift was finally over, and I needed to stop by the pharmacy, but I was stopped by the prickling sensation. I turned in a slow circle, taking in my surrounding with a wary eye. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary, the sun was set below the horizon so I could still see into most of the shadows that surrounded the nearby buildings and alleys. I couldn't detect any movement, didn't see what looked like a person in any direction, not the sidewalks, road, or any store. I concluded that I was just being paranoid again. I got that feeling all the time when Zackary was still alive, and even shortly after his death, and then less frequently after that. I hadn't felt this in close to a month, but there it was, the feeling of a heavy gaze staring at me. The feeling of all my hairs raising, like I was some animal, the tingling on the back of my head that sent shivers down my spine, but I just had to remember that it was all in my head. That it was just my imagination, and not to freak out like I used to do, no point in working myself up into a panic attack. Especially since there wouldn't be anyone to calm me down during or afterwards.

So I shook the feeling off and continued on, only the crawling sensation never went away. Not while I was on my bike, not while I was in the store, not on my way back to Levi's, not even standing in front of the door, trying to unlock it but not being able to because my hands were shaking so much. Finally one of the servants, whose name was Cosette I think, opened the door instead. I grabbed her biceps and pushed her backwards into the foyer before she could even greet me, making sure she didn't fall before whirling around to slam the door shut behind me. I leaned heavily on it once closed, closing my eyes to try and steady my breathing which I hadn't even realized had quickened. I slid down the door running my hands up through my hair in frustration. I told myself I wasn't going to get worked up over nothing and then that's exactly what I did.

"Eren? What's wrong? What happened?" I opened my eyes to see Levi coming down the stairs, staring intently at me all the while. He reached me and squatted so he was eye level with me, taking in my rather disheveled state. I shook my head, nothing was wrong, I was just freaking out over nothing and I certainly didn't want to tell him that.

"I don't understand what the fuck that means Eren. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, nothing is wrong, everything is fine. I just..." I trialed off. I just what? I'm just being stupid and paranoid again over nothing.

"You're obviously not okay, you're shaking like a fucking chihuahua. What the hell happened? I won't ask a third time." He said sternly, his gaze level.

"And I said nothing happened, I didn't lie. I just... it's like this feeling of someone watching me. I got the feeling all the time before he died, and even after, but it didn't go away this time. I had the feeling all the way home from work. I damn near forced myself into a panic attack over nothing, again." I sighed heavily bowing my head forward towards my chest.

"You felt like someone was watching you? And you haven't thought to say anything before now because why?" his voice was slightly raised and I flinched away from him, shutting my eyes. Maybe if I closed myself off for a while to calm down things would be better.

"Hey." Levi called gently, his hand coming up to brush hair from my face and slide his hand to lightly grasp the back of my neck. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. But why didn't you tell me any of this? Things like that are important."

"Because it isn't important. It's all in my head. It's me being paranoid. Nothing is wrong, everything is fine, I'm just stupid."  _I'm stupid, and paranoid and you should just ignore me. Please just leave me alone. Just go away._

"You're not stupid Eren. And you're not being paranoid either. It happens to everyone, and considering what you've been through, you panicking is perfectly normal. You're safe now though right?" he asked, not moving except to sit down in front of me. I nodded, but didn't say or do anything else. "And you don't have that feeling anymore?"

A shake of my head. "Then you're okay, and no nothing is wrong. So you're safe and I'm safe and nothing is wrong, and you can calm down. Yes?" I took a deep breathe in holding it for a moment, I nodded and breathed out a quiet, "Yes."

"Okay then. Let's go eat now, then we'll go take a bath and get in bed early, sound good?" I made a quiet humming noise, but once again didn't say anything else.

"Alright, I'll get Dominique to make one of my favorites, it's quick, easy, and always makes me feel better." He pulled me forwards with the grip he still had on my neck, placing a light kiss on my forehead. He gave me a gentle smile and stood making his way towards the kitchen while I continued to sit on the floor. Closing my eyes and going to my 'happy place' as Hanji put it.

It was a forest trail, gradually inclining stone steps under a heavy canopy of all different sorts of trees with all different types of singing birds, leading to an old wooden bridge that crosses a river. Crossing the bridge and continuing up the path I eventually reach the end of the trail, standing on a cliff side, overlooking a deer filled valley. The stream ran around the edge of the valley through the tree line on the other side, it led to a waterfall that filled a small lake. I was watching the sunset, the sunlight reflecting off the lake, casting a beautiful glow across everything.

When I finally opened my eyes again I was breathing normally and my shaking had ceased. I exhaled a sigh of relief, and stood making my way into the dining room. When I entered Levi was sitting at the table already. I chose the chair right next to his slumping onto the table and extending my arms out in front of me. My terrible table manners would have my mother rolling in her grave, and if she were alive I would have gotten such a lecture, but she wasn't alive, she was dead and it was all my fault.

"You look like you're about to burst into tears or shit yourself." Levi commented absently.

"Tears sound pretty good right about now." But since I was talking into the table it was distorted some. Levi sighed, taking one of my hands into his own, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles over the back of my hand.

"Please don't cry Eren. Please." It was said in such a pleading tone that I almost felt bad for making that remark in the first place, but as it were today has been exhausting and my ability to care about anything was quickly draining,

"I'm not going to cry... at least I don't think I am. I'm just tired."

"Eren." Levi spoke in a warning tone. The last time I had said I was 'just tired' he called me out on my bullshit, but I really was just tired. I had been perfectly content up until recently and now it just seems like the day is dragging on and on and won't end soon enough for my liking.

"Levi." I replied, sounding bored and just thoroughly done with everything in existence.

"Eren, you know ho-"

"Levi for God's sake I really am just tired okay? I'm tired physically and emotionally and mentally, I'm tired of constantly looking over my shoulder for something that isn't there, I'm tired of feeling useless and like a burden, I'm tired of feeling guilty over something that I know deep down isn't my fault, but the notion was beaten into me time and time again anyway. I'm simply tired of being tired. I'm not lying about that."

Levi didn't say anything, just opting to give my hand a small squeeze then lean back in his seat. We sat in silence that was not quite pleasant enough to be comfortable but not stifling enough to be awkward. Thankfully though, Dominique came with dinner shortly after the silence began. She set down two bowls filled with what looked like soup, though I couldn't tell what kind of soup it was, it smelled delicious so I would probably eat it regardless.

"Merci Dominique, vous pouvez prendre le reste de la nuit au large, ainsi que demain matin." Levi said.

"Oui merci. Ce semble incroyable." I added.

"Oui monsieur." She bowed her head slightly, making a hasty escape right after. Levi dug in as soon as she was gone while I on the other hand, continued to stare at the bowl, while it looked and smelled delicious I still wanted to know what it was. But I had this general rule that I try a few bites before I ask what it is, that way I can't say, well I don't like that. I used to do that a lot with my mother, but after she died, well it was my own cooking and on occasion microwave dinners that I had managed to afford or that Grisha had left so I always knew what was in it.

It was an oddly reminiscent day, right now. I couldn't quite explain why, but it wasn't exactly welcome. After all, it was bringing up rather painful memories. I like to keep thoughts of my life before mom died to her birthday, or what would be her birthday if she were still here, and the day of her death. I mean, I always miss and wish she were still here, but actually thinking about home life, or just life in general of when she was still alive just hurts and I would rather avoid causing myself more pain than usual if it can be helped.

So I picked the spoon up, blew on the still steaming soup and took a bite. I almost moaned at how good it was. The soup was thick and rich, but flavorful. There were chunks of meat, the melted as soon as they hit your tongue. I couldn't identify exactly what type of meat it was with the broth muddling the taste, but it was all so good that I couldn't even bring myself to care. I ended eating half the bowl without even realizing it, not that I slowed down in my rapid consumption even after I made the realization. It was like eating a bowl of heaven, because this was most certainly what heaven tasted like.

Once Levi and I were done we headed upstairs to take our bath, which passed uneventfully, except for an odd question that Levi asked. "So just how many languages do you know?" he asked casually as he washed my back. I had to think for a moment.

"I can read, write, and speak some languages, but only speak others. So if we're only counting the former, then excluding English it would only be six, however, if we're going by the latter, then... seventeen, maybe eighteen languages. Eighteen if we count the fact that now I'm actually decent in French." Levi stilled in his movements for a second before picking up where he left off.

"Well fuck me sideways, and here I was calling you uncultured all those months ago." He chuckled and placed a light kiss on my shoulder.

"I'm not in the mood for that, nor did I take you as a bottom Levi. You should have told me that earlier, do you know how many jokes I could have been making? You would hate me." I laughed, he chuckled again, and that was the end of the conversation.

We dried off and climbed into bed, I was asleep within minutes of my head resting on Levi's chest.

[Levi's POV]

I listened as Eren's breathing evened out, making sure to lie still to ensure that he was completely asleep before gently sliding out of bed. I hated to leave him when he was sleeping but I had to check something, just to be safe. I headed to my office, shutting and locking the door, it was simply out of habit when it came to this subject. I sat in my chair, picking up the phone on my descent and dialed the number.

Hanji picked up on the third ring cheerily greeting me with a shriek. I cut them off before they could start rambling though.

"Ailes." My tone was low, and deadly, and they instant shut up. They stayed quiet for a moment before speaking.

"What happened? Are they back?" all the usual happiness was gone from their voice.

"Eren told me he felt like he was being watched. He said that it happened all the time after Zackary died and kind of dwindled off, until today where he had the feeling all the way home from work. He says he's just being paranoid and he probably just is, but I want to make absolutely sure. If it wouldn't interfere too much with what you're doing could you see what the M.P are up to? Sure the ones we dealt with before are in pieces with their remains scattered across Europe but I want to make sure no other ones have taken up that particular torch, so to speak." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. If the M.P were back and after me for revenge then I would have to make a trip and leave Eren with extra security around. If they weren't and Eren really was just being paranoid then everything would be fine and I don't have to worry.

"I'll look into it and call as soon as I have news, keep an eye on him, you know they like to mess with loved ones if they can."

"Yeah I know, I'll have security cameras set up around the house while Eren is at work. I'll also hire someone to watch Eren while he's actually at work. If nothing else he'll be safe Hanji, count on that."

They chuckled on the other line, "Oh I know. You're very possessive, and don't like to share. I'm sure anyone who even thinks about touching Eren will be missing their hands before they even complete the thought." I smirked, that sounds exactly like something I would have done too, if I were still the person I used to be.

"In all seriousness though, I need you to find out as soon as possible. I'll start putting things into place regardless of whether or not they are back. Can't be too careful."

"No I guess not. How is he by the way? He's doing well? Eating right, sleeping okay?"

"He's doing fine Hanj, Dominique keeps him well fed, and Eren sleeps with me so I make sure he sleeps."

"Ohhhhh." Hanji whooped loudly, "Finally getting some huh Levi?!"

"No Hanj, we barely even kiss at this point... but honestly I'm just happy with whatever he's willing to let me do with him. God he makes me so happy Hanji, it’s ridiculous." I was getting giddy just thinking about him, God I was turning into a fucking sap.

"I didn't even think about the fact that he might not want to... you know because of what happened with... but as long as he's happy and you're happy then I'm happy."

"He loves to cuddle and bathe together, but kissing is kept to a minimum and nothing else. It's fine, I'm not going to rush him into anything and he's knows as much."

"Aww, you guys are so cute, I'm going to have to come visit you soon. But I'm tired and have work in the morning, so I'll call you soon. Bye!" I heard a click signifying that they hung up, and I stared bewildered at the phone. They have such a one track mind, and they change subjects so fast it gives me whiplash. However having said everything I needed to and with nothing else to do, I went back bed.

I crept back into the room, gently shutting the door behind me. I slipped back under the covers, trying not to wake Eren. He stirred briefly but settled back down when I stilled. I waited a minute to fully lay down, exhaling a sigh of relief when Eren didn't move again. I was on the edge of sleep when I felt Eren shuffle closer nuzzling his head under my chin and I curled an arm around his waist, bringing him flush against my side. I drifted off to sleep like that, with Eren safe in my arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a few announcements to make after the long absence, so nice long A/N that you don't have to read if you don't want to. The first of which is that I found a ridiculous amount of mistakes in previous chapters so I'll be going back through to fix those, though I won't be changing anything just fixing spelling and grammar mistakes so no worries there.
> 
> The second is that for those reading TFND and CMIFY I apologize for the wait, since I was in the hospital I couldn't update them since they're on my main computer not my laptop, but now that I'm out (though I still can't work on it since I thought it would be a good idea to go on a road trip the day after I got out of the hospital on Thursday, so as soon as I get back on Monday) I can finish the chapters I started before I ended up in the hospital. So those will be up sometime next week.
> 
> The third and final announcement is that while in the hospital since I couldn't focus on writing this chapter I decided to start not one but three new fics, one of which I will also be posting next week. So look forward to some new fics, though they will be slow to update since I am this is still my main fic. 
> 
> I would also like to thank everyone for the lovely comments, they keep me inspired. So thank you for being such awesome readers. Pyxy out.
> 
> Translations (I think)
> 
> "Merci Dominique, vous pouvez prendre le reste de la nuit au large, ainsi que demain matin." - "Thank you Dominique, you can take the rest of the night off, as well as tomorrow morning."
> 
> "Oui merci. Ce semble incroyable." - "Yes thank you. This is amazing."
> 
> "Oui monsieur." - "Yes sir."
> 
> "Ailes." - "Wings."


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look a wild update appears!

“Armin! Mika! You guys are finally here.” I shouted from the top of the steps. I ran -well more like jogged, or maybe just fast walked- down the stairs and to the door. I threw my arms around them as soon as I was close enough, hugging them to me tightly. I had been missing them recently in my recent bout of nostalgia and I figured the only way to fix that was by inviting them over. I had also missed just how close we used to be, and I’m quite unhappy about just how far apart we’ve grown, so I told them to stay for the weekend and we could hang out and catch up.

“Nice to see you too Eren.” Armin wheezed out. He had half his face squished into my chest just below my left collarbone and one of my arms wrapped around his shoulders squeezing the air out of him.

“Hello Eren.” Mikasa replied quietly. It was much easier for her to speak considering I was only holding her sound her waist.

“Antoine, prendre ces sacs à l'étage pour la chambre d'hôtes.”

“Oui monsieur.” Antoine bowed slightly, shut the door behind the three of us and took Mikasa’s and Armin’s bags up the stairs.

“Come on, lunch should be ready soon. Let’s go sit down. Then we can go upstairs to the guest room. Everything is already set up.”

“Guest room? Don’t we usually do things like this in our living rooms?” Armin asked, his hair swishing as he tilted his head to the side.

“Yeah, but the guest rooms are more than big enough, most of them are the size of Mikasa’s old living room anyway.” I shrugged, pulling them along with me into the dining room to sit down. We sat in silence for a few minutes as we waited for the food to be brought out. Food, dinner, oh right.

“So do you guys mind having pasta for dinner or do you want something else?” I inquired, if so then I would have to tell Dominique now so she could start planning the new meal now. I knew how she loved to plan everything in advanced, that’s why she never lets me cook, which was stupid if I thought about it. I mean, sure I’m no Wolfgang but I know how to cook, I’ve been doing it since I was old enough to buy my own food. Even before then really if you think about the time that I spent with Grisha gone.

“Pasta sounds good to me.” Armin chirped. I knew that just about any kind of pasta was one of his favorites so I didn’t think I would have a problem from him and Mikasa nodded silently next to him. Food was brought out then by Dominique herself. Plates piled high with hot sandwiches; BLTs, ham and cheese, as well as grilled cheese. There were dipping sauces around the edge of the plate that I liked with my sandwiches but I didn’t know whether or not Armin and Mikasa would like them, but if they didn’t then they didn’t have to eat it, it meant more for me.

I ended up eating five sandwiches all by myself, I was being a total glutton, but it was delicious.

Holy shit, I had just eaten all that food and didn’t even think twice about, and even now with me actively thinking about it I don’t feel bad. When I had first started staying with and Hanji and even Levi I was afraid to eat more than half my food, and now I can eat five sandwiches and not even blink. I almost wanted to smile, but that might have been weird, so I forwent that.

We finished all the sandwiches on the plate, so I grabbed it and took it to be washed. Once done I led Armin and Mikasa up the stairs to the room that we would be using over the weekend. I opened the door and stepped aside to let them in first, but they didn’t make it past the threshold before their mouths gaped open. They must not have believed me when I said the bedroom was large.

 One the wall to the right of the door was a queen sized bed with a nightstand and lamp on each side. On the wall adjacent to the door was a dresser with an attached mirror. On the wall to the left of the door was a TV that was mounted to the wall. Under the TV was a three tier glass entertainment stand. The first tier had three playing consoles that consisted of a PS4, an XBOX One, and a Wii, the second tier had games for the various playing systems, and the third had movies. Also on the wall with the TV were two doors, one leading to the bathroom and the other to the closet. Then on the wall by the door on the left side was a table covered in snack foods; chips, cookies, candy, soda, juice, anything I could think of was on the table and if there was anything else I could always send for someone to go get it. Not that I would they’re servants not slaves, and since Levi isn’t here to object I pretty much gave the staff the day off. Everyone that wasn’t helping Dominique in the kitchen had today as free time, even though I told Dominique that I am perfectly capable of doing my own cooking she insisted that it was fine and that she didn’t need the day off.

“This room is huge.” Armin muttered in quiet disbelief.

“I told you as much earlier.” I replied casually.

“Well yeah but…” Armin’s sentence tapered off uncertainly.

“Just how big is this place anyway?” Mikasa asked after the silence had settled a little too heavily.

I pondered the question momentarily as I tried to recall was Hanji had told me. “Mmm, well there’s the east wing and west wing with numerous hallways branching off from there, each wing is about four hallways wide, with hallways crisscrossing throughout. There’s the foyer, a ballroom, two dining rooms, two living rooms and a sitting room, three kitchens, a two story library as well as an office, a huge laundry room, a gaming room, a home gym, and one master bedroom in each wing. Then there’s the guest rooms, there’s enough room for all one hundred twenty something staff members to have their own room with as few rooms to spare, though most choose to double up so everyone pretty much just stays in the west wing while Levi and I sleep in the east wing, and any guest that stay would also sleep in this wing as well.” I walked over to the bed and flopped down so I could continue to talk.

“Outside there’s a rather large patio right off the back, you can reach it if you go through the ballroom. A four maybe five car garage, a pool, tennis court, and stable are also on the grounds, which are about five acres. The estate is right on the edge of the county line, that’s why he has so much land. I’ve actually gone horseback riding with him a few times, but he’s much better at it than I am. I haven’t gone swimming yet, though I want to do that before it gets to cold. Ooh we should do that tomorrow.” I exclaimed, bouncing up and down of the soft mattress like a small child. They both nod, Armin just continued examining the room, Mikasa staring at me.

“You’re living like a king now, huh Eren.”

“No, but it’s much better than anything in the past.” She gave me a look at that, like someone had just said they love the Chinese history behind fortune cookies. One of those ridiculous looks you give to people whose IQ falls just short of a door knob. Although I couldn’t quite discern why she was giving _me_ that look, after all I hadn’t said anything crazy… or stupid. At least not recently.

“What? What’s with the look?” she gave me a withering glare, as if asking how I could be so stupid as to not even realize that I was, in fact, stupid in the first place.

“’Much better that anything in the past’? I guess that means better that when you stay with me and my family huh? Or with Armin and his grandfather?” she hissed out in vehemence and I was slightly taken aback at the open hostility. But if this is what she wanted to do right now instead of just spending quality time with me than so fucking be it.

“You know what Mikasa, I’m not going to apologize for you taking an innocent statement in a negative light. Because yeah, this is an _estate_ , not where I grew up with Grisha after mom died. It’s not the large but old house that Armin’s grandfather owned until I was sixteen or the small, poorly insulated house that we stayed in until I was eighteen. And yeah it’s better than the dorms where I was ridiculed every time I step out the door, which wasn’t nearly as bad as what my roommate would say to me. And this sure as hell is better than Zackary’s. And Levi’s company isn’t that bad either. So be upset that for once I actually have something nice going for me. I’m not saying that I loathe the years I spent at your house’s, but that doesn’t diminish the fact this is very nice, and comfortable and for once I know that I’m not a burden, which I was to both of you, Mikasa your parents might have said they were fine financially but we both know that was a lie. It’s why not even four months after I left for the dorms that they moved into a better house. I know that I’m actually wanted here as well, not that either of you didn’t but we all know how Grisha was and we also know how Zackary turned out.”

I got up to storm out the room, back to Levi’s and I shared bedroom, but was stopped by Mikasa grabbing my arm. I jerked out of her grasp but stayed where I was to turn back and look at her.

“No, please… don’t go I didn’t mean it, I’m just… sorry.” She mumbled out the last word, bowing her head to even further distort it as though she really didn’t want me to hear it in the first place. But I did hear, and I know how hard it is for her to swallow her pride enough to be able to apologize, and all the anger I was feeling faded away into a dull whisper. I sigh heavily, but return to the bed anyway. We all sit silence for a few minutes as most of the tension diffuses.

“What do you guys want to do first?” it was Armin who finally spoke up, breaking what little tension was felt over.

“Movies!” I shouted instantly, temper put off so we could watch all the Disney classics that we hadn’t seen in years.

“Okay but what do we start with?” Mikasa asked. All three of us shout a different movie at the same time and we all stare at one another.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” I suggest. I ended up winning so we watched Aladdin first, followed by Mikasa’s Emperor’s New Groove, then Armin’s Mulan before we were called down for dinner. Dominique had once again out done herself with this. She had prepared a fettucine alfredo with a Caesar salad and garlic bread. As we ate in silence I missed Levi’s company. He’d been busy with extra work over the past week so he’d been staying later. Not getting home until almost midnight some days, and it was starting to eat away at me. I mean, he’s an important and busy person with important and busy person things to do and it really isn’t any of my business what’s going on with his company. But the real issue was this nagging feeling that he was keeping something from me, something serious, and again it wasn’t any of my business, or maybe it was. It depended on what exactly our relationship was. I would have to talk to him about it at a later date.

“Oh my God, this is soooo good!” Armin exclaimed towards the end of dinner, wiggling in his seat in an excited little dance.

“I’ll be sure to tell Dominique that she did a good job.” I was already done as was Mikasa, so at this point we were just waiting on Armin, but he always ate slowly so we were used to it by now. Once done eating I, again, took the dishes into the kitchen to be cleaned, and of course made sure to pass on Armin’s compliment.

Back upstairs we settled into the bed, but none of us knew what to do now.

“Soo….?” Mikasa prompted.

I was thinking of something we could do to occupy ourselves for the rest of the night. “Well… I guess we could take showers and get ready for bed, then play some video games. And once we’ve gotten tired of that we can go back to movies until we fall asleep.” Armin and Mikasa both nodded to that, seemingly in agreement. So Mikasa showered in the bathroom for this guest bedroom, while I let Armin use the next guestroom, while I went back to take a lonely shower by myself. If I thought about the last time I had bathed alone I couldn’t actually remember how long ago that was. I didn’t like it, Levi constantly being out so late, showering alone, falling asleep alone most nights, I hardly ever see him anymore at this point. Unless I happen to wake up before he leaves. Even then, we only exchange a good morning and he’ll kiss my cheek before rushing off. Sure I had work to help distract me during the day but nothing was the same without him around. It left me with nothing but the servants company -most of whom won’t speak casually with me despite the fact that I told them they weren’t going to get in trouble for doing so- and my thoughts, and those aren’t always friendly either.

I shook off the depressing thoughts as I walked back over to the guestroom where Mikasa should be done by now. To my surprise both Mikasa and Armin were done, waiting for me impatiently.

“So what game are we playing?” I inquired. We all gave one another the same look before shouting simultaneously, “Mario Kart!”

We started at the first track and worked our way through all the cups. This is when we talked for the most part, since we were all big kids and could do more than one thing at a time. I asked how things were going for them, and I discovered that Armin, Mikasa, and Annie are all in a relationship. At first what I said was ‘ _Annie with the nose Annie?_ ’ which Mikasa promptly rolled her eyes at because ‘ _Yes Eren because everyone has a nose_.’ I chuckled but just to make sure I clarified, ‘ _Yes but_ the _Annie with_ the _nose?_ ’ Her immediate response was to hit me, not only causing me to lose but somehow not even slowing down her own speed to take her hand off the controller to actually hit me.

It was around eleven, we were on Rainbow Road on the second lap around the track when I heard the front door open. I threw my controller down, not even bothering to pause before darting up off the floor, out into the hallway, and down the stairs straight into Levi’s arms. He let out a content sigh as he held me in his arms. We stayed like that for a moment before I eventually pulled back, smiling softly at him. I leaned down to press a light kiss to his lips. Whispering against them as I spoke. “I missed you.”

Levi’s lips lingered longer as he kissed me back also whispering. “I missed you too. How was your day?”

“Good, Armin and Mikasa got here around noon. How was your day? Was work difficult?”

We had a quiet conversation there, standing in the foyer wrapped in each other’s embrace. We parted ways with another kiss as Levi went to shower and get in bed. He had to be up early for work after all…

Back upstairs the three of us watched movies until we all fell asleep at two something in the morning, sometime during Dumbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about how late this is, but for once it wasn't my fault. It would have been on time weeks ago but while I was going over it one more time to add a few things and check for errors my stupid laptop deleted not only the chapter that I was working on but the WHOLE ENTIRE document. Ninety something pages of work gone, and no matter what I did I couldn't bring it back, so it's a good thing I have everything saved on an external hard drive or I probably would have cried, but even then I didn't have the last chapter I was working on so there was no way I would have posted on time. THEN while working on it the week after that the charger for the aforementioned laptop broke, so my laptop was dead. AND THEN my main computer was in the shop because there was a glitch that I couldn't fix by myself. AND THEN AND THEN last week my power went out because of a really bad thunderstorm. It got so hot and stifling in my house I finally understood why people in hell wanted ice water. But taking a shower (cool because I was desperately trying to keep my body temperature down so I didn't get sick) with only the flashlight of my phone to see was by far the best though *intense sarcasm*. Why do all the electronics hate me? What did I do? Who do I have to sacrifice? What god do I have to appease?
> 
> But I'm back for now, hopefully nothing else crazy happens. However I'm not going to hold my breath on that one. Now, this was going to be a really long almost six thousand word chapter, but I decided to split it in half, so this is kind of just a filler so be prepared for actual plot next week (hopefully next week, please please please be next week).
> 
> Anyway that's it, Pyxy out.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important filler chapter. Is it still a filler if it's important, or would it just be a short regular chapter? Is 1500 words considered short? I don't know, food for thought I guess. Anywhore enough of my ramblings go read.

I was awoken by the feeling of light kisses being pressed to my right shoulder. My eyes fluttered momentarily, groaning as I stretched my body out, not unlike a cat. I rubbed at my eye as I turned to be met with an up close look of grey eyes with flecks of sky blue around the pupil. With the way the light streamed in through the curtains there was a thin beam of light that caught these gorgeous eyes at just the right angle to have them lighting up as if they were glowing from the inside out. A smile broke out on my face as I brought a hand up to cup the chiseled jaw and high cheekbones that the pair of eyes belonged to, running my thumb just under the right eye.

“Good morning ma chérie.” Levi murmured, voice hushed so as not to disrupt the quiet of the early morning.

I chuckled lightly. “Your darling huh? I think I can get used to that.” Levi gave me a smile at that, leaning down just enough to connect our mouths in a chaste kiss. I hummed, turning over to be face to face with Levi. I nuzzled under his chin, perfectly content with this moment in time.

“I decided that since it’s one of my few days off and one of your few days off we could just lie around in bed all day.”

“I like the sound of that.” I commented, as Levi ran his hand down from in between my shoulder blades down to the small of my back. “I really like the sound of that.”

“Good. I already called down for breakfast in bed, your favorite.” My eyes widened as I sucked in an excited breath, looking up to meet Levi’s amused gaze.

“Waffles?” I was vibrating with barely contained joy. I loved waffles, waffles are love, waffles are life. Levi laughed then, not a chuckle or derisive snort reserved for people he believed were idiots, no it was an actual laugh and it made goosebumps rise on my skin and a smile tug at my lips.

“Yes waffles.” It was right then that a knock sounded from the door and I was up and running to said door before I even registered the fact that I was out of bed. I flung the door open, took the large tray from Terra with a small thank you, and shut the door with my foot as I made my way back to the bed, the whole exchange had happened in less than fifteen seconds. Now I received a chuckle from Levi at my antics.

We ate in a peaceful silence, my mouth always stuffed too full of waffles, eggs, and bacon to be able to talk, and Levi not interested in carrying on a one way conversation. But I just reveled in the fact that I was actually spending time with him at all after the past two weeks. He had been working almost non-stop, just opting to sleep at work the past five days. I was so lonely that I took to following around the staff as they did their house work, whenever I wasn’t at work that was. They got tired of me though and would lose me in the maze like hallways, thus forcing me to go back to Levi’s and mine shared room to sit and stare blankly at the walls for hours until I fell asleep, only to repeat the process tomorrow. If I didn’t just stay awake all night and let my demons run free around the room that is. I could never recall being so _clingy_ in the past, but it seems as if I was just putting my everything into Levi’s hand. My physical well-being, my mental well-being, my whole existence was resting in the palms of his hands.

Relying on others so heavily was always a major no-no for me. I was my own person and I didn’t need anyone to make me whole, it was nice to have people to support you while you put yourself back together again, but always needing people, always needing them to keep me from falling apart, needing other people to feel whole, its self-destructive. It’s unhealthy. At least it was for me. So I became self-reliant, even if I had my bad days I tried to focus on the positive and told myself I could make it even if I didn’t have support. But even then sometimes it still wasn’t enough and my destructive tendencies would seep through my barely there consciousness. And all I could do was hope that I would make it through.

“You look constipated.” Levi said idly. We were lounging in bed, his back propped against the headrest with me resting against his side, my head on his shoulder as he combed his fingers through my hair. “What are you thinking about?”

I didn’t particularly _want_ to tell Levi about that specific train of thought, but I figured it was best to at least get his take on it.

“You left me alone and I got trapped in my thoughts. I sort of started to resent your job by the end of the first week, I realized that I relied too heavily on you when I started staring blankly at the walls halfway through the second week. Thought of some not-so-pleasant times while alone at night.” I shrugged as much as I could in the position that I was in. His hand stilled in my hair, but soon picked the soothing motion back up.

“I’m sorry darling, you know I hated having to leave but it was important.” Levi pressed a kiss to the top of my head, I suppose it was meant as an apology that he shouldn’t have had to give in the first place.

“I know, I know I just… I was so lost without you. I’ve been relying on you far too heavily and that isn’t fair to either of us, but especially to you.” Levi opened his mouth to reply when my phone went off. I frowned when I saw it was work but answered regardless, pulling slightly away from Levi so I could sit up all the way.

“Hello?”

“Eren, hey it’s Alice. I know it’s your day off but Victor just called in sick. Could you come in and lock up after closing? I swear I’ll owe you forever if you could do this. I would do it myself but I happened to be out of town for a conference.” I suppressed a groan, I knew that it wasn’t really as bad as I was making it out to be, but I really didn’t want to leave Levi’s side today.

“Yeah, I’ll be in in half an hour.” I replied, glancing at Levi with an apologetic expression.

“Thank you so much! I have to go, but I’ll talk to you when I get back okay?”

“Sure thing Alice. Bye.” I hung up, squeezing my phone momentarily. Looking over at Levi I could tell he was disappointed, but there was nothing to be done for it. I went to try and, I don’t know, try to appease him, but he waved me away with a tight lipped smile, which looked more like a grimace than I’m sure he was hoping for.

“Have fun at work, I’ll see you tonight.” A lingering kiss was shared, before I was climbing out of bed and to my former room where all of my clothes still were. Maybe we could work on moving my stuff over the next time we had time off? It was an idle thought as I slipped my wallet and phone into my jeans as I went to the garage door. I got on my bike, checking to make sure my messenger bag was secure and headed to work, arriving in just under the thirty minute mark.

 

It was just around closing time when I started counting down the register, wiping down the three registers at the front, cleaning up in the isles, sweeping the floor and the likes. I waited impatiently, looking through my phone in my boredom, for the last ten minutes to tick down so I could lock up and go home. I was ready to just fall back asleep in Levi’s comforting embrace.

When those ten minutes were finally up I locked the front door so I could check the back. Heading into the back to gather my things, lock up everything important, and turn off all the lights. I was grabbing my bag and in the process of closing my locker when the back wall blew in, knocking me unconscious almost instantly with the blast and sending rubble soaring through the air where I would have been standing had I not been on the ground as fire spread around the hole in the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say sorry for lulling you guys into a false sense of security before leaving you on such a terrible cliffhanger. Please don't throw things at me. Also, I will be flying out of state on Wednesday, and even after I reached my destination I'm not sure what the wifi is going to be like so I will try my absolute hardest to update, but I know for a fact that I won't be able to this upcoming friday. Again please don't throw things at me.  
> Seriously though, thank you so much for the support on this , especially since I've been feeling like the quality of my writing has declined. All the wonderful comments make me feel so much better. Pyxy out.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it bad that I get happy when I update? Like yes, it's friday, it not really late, I don't hate the way this turned out, this might actually be a good chapter for once. Ah, oh well.

I was pacing. Had been for the past hour waiting for Eren to finally come home. Usually if he was going to be late he would call, but I haven’t heard anything, not a text or phone call, nothing. I had even called Mikasa and Armin to see if they had heard from him but also _nothing_. I’m not a paranoid person by nature, however, every possible worse-case scenario that could ever happen had gone through my head at least twice by now. I was irritated, aggravated, on edge, and all my servants could sense it and were giving me a wide berth as my pacing took me almost the whole way through my estate. I had taken to running my hand through my hair and I’m sure I looked quite the mess. I was just heading back to my office when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket so quick I almost flung it across the hallway. When I saw Eren’s number I breathed a gargantuan sigh of relief.

“Eren? God I’ve been so worried, where the hell are you?” I waited on the other end of the phone for a response and when I got it, it wasn’t what I was expecting.

“Hello? Is this Levi?” it was a feminine and _not_ Eren’s. I was hesitant in answering, years of being on the street warning me to be wary.

You could hear the caution in my tone when I spoke. “Yes, this is Levi? Who’s this?”

“My name is Ilse Langnar. I’m an EMT and I have an Eren Jaeger on the way to Sina Grace Hospital. You’re on his emergency contact list.”

My blood ran cold, as if someone had run ice water through my veins. When my brain finally decided to get back into gear I was sprinting to the garage door, grabbing my keys off the wall. “What happened? Is he okay? Was anyone else injured?”

She went about briefly describing Eren’s state, saying he wasn’t in critical condition as far as she could tell and so far it looks like he was the only one effected. As soon as I was off the phone with the EMT I had called up Hanji.

“Hello~ my chirper lit-” I cut them off, not having the time or the patience to deal with them right now. “Hanji, ailses.”

“Gotcha Levi.” It was at times like these that I could appreciate Hanji’s instant business mode.

“I want you and every spare person you can find to go through every nanosecond of the video footage surrounding Eren’s work, all the way back to the beginning. I want a full status report of the MP’s movement over the past month. And I want it all done by yesterday, are we clear?” it was brisk and efficient, and now that Hanji had their orders I could spare a small minute to fill them in.

“Crystal clear.” Was Hanji’s response. I took a second to just breathe. When I first started speaking again it was barely above a whisper. “Good. There was an accident. I don’t know what happened yet but Eren is on the way to Sina. It looked like he was the only one injured and I _feel_ like this was intentional. You know how I get about my gut feelings. I want you to comb through every single frame. _Please_.” Desperation seeped in unbidden on the last word, and I wanted to be upset about it but the fact of the matter was… I was afraid. The most afraid I’d been in years. The thought of anything happening to Eren made my stomach clench and my heart drop. I wanted to cry, for the first time in probably close to a decade I wanted to cry honest to goodness tears.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of business here, you just focus on Eren.” They were trying to be playful but even then they were rather subdued and their tone was strained.

“Yeah. I need to go, I’m pulling up in front of the hospital.” I didn’t wait for them to reply, just hanging up. I leaned my head back on my headrest, closing my eyes and gathering myself to go see Eren.

I climbed out after giving my car to the valet parking and went up to the front desk. They gave me one of those annoying paper bracelets and pointed me in the right direction. The receptionist told me he was currently getting an MRI done but that he should be back in his E.R. room within the hour.

I made it to his room without issue, walking in to find it mostly empty. They had taken him on the bed so the only thing left was a bag of his belongings and two rather uncomfortable looking chairs. I sat down, prepared to wait as long as I needed to just to know that he was okay, trying my hardest to ignore the overpowering scent of disinfectant. I may be a clean freak but the sterile feeling of hospitals has always made my skin crawl.

~

I must have fallen asleep at some point, that thought registered as I was gently shaken awake by a nurse a little taller than me.

“Hello?” the nurse said, her voice was quiet, little more than a whisper next to the sound of beeping machinery.

“Hi. How’s Eren?” I glanced over at the bed that was now in the middle of the wall to my right. Eren looked at little pale but otherwise okay, except for the gash on his right temple that had temporary stitches on it.

“We haven’t gotten the results back yet, but we know that nothing is broken. The doctor will come by once they’ve analyzed the images. The reason I woke you is because there are officers here who wish to speak with you.” I was instantly alert at that. Why would they need officers if this wasn’t intentional, unless this was more than just an accident. I walked out of the room into the hallway to see two officers standing around.

“Mr. Ackerman?” the first one looked up and addressed me. I recognized the person as Mike, tall, dirty blond, scruffy, weird Mike. The other was a shorter female, also with blond hair, whose badge read Nifa.

“Mike I didn’t realize you were on the force.”

“Recent development.” He replied gruffly. “Now I need to ask you a few questions. If you’re willing of course.”

I shrugged, it wasn’t as if I had something to hide after all. “Sure, whatever you need to know.” We went through all the standard questions. ‘How do you know Mr. Jaeger?’ ‘Where were you at the time of the incident?’ ‘Do you have any alibis as to where your whereabouts were?’ etc etc. After all that was done, I was finally able to ask the one question that had been on my mind since I first got the call earlier.

“What happened?”

Nifa and Mike exchanged a look and it was Nifa that finally answered. “It looks like there was some kind of external detonation. It was small enough where it wouldn’t kill anyone unless they were right on top of it, the most danger Mr. Jaeger faced was the fire, if the water system had happened to be damaged for whatever reason he probably would have been more likely to die from burns.  We’re not too sure what the point of the explosion was since it wasn’t meant to kill. It wasn’t a bomb either, probably something like C-4 which isn’t allowed for public use so we especially don’t know what’s going on right now. We’re trying to put together the pieces and contacting all known associates of Mr. Jaeger. Seeing as how you’re living with Mr. Jaeger you were first on the list, followed by a Hanji Zoe, whom he used to live with and then a Mr. Arlert and a Ms. Ackerman who we know are his childhood friends.”

External detonation, but not a bomb and not enough blast to kill anyone? That doesn’t sound like anything the MP would do. Maybe it’s just a scare tactic? But no if they wanted my attention they would have just killed him or someone else close to me. But everyone else knew what I used to do, as a matter of fact most of them were there with me. I shook those thoughts from head, no point in giving myself a headache thinking about things I can’t figure out without more facts.

“Do you already have forensics working? Was this a planned attack on him or the corporation? Is Eren going to be safe?” that was my main focus, if Eren wasn’t safe then I had to find this threat and deal with it. I needed to keep Eren safe, keep him whole. He was my whole world, just as much as I was his world.

“We do already have forensics on the scene, and since we don’t know anything about Mr. Jaeger we don’t know whether or not anyone would have any grudges or motives, but we do think he’s safe. Worst case scenario is we’ll have Mr. Jaeger followed around for a bit so we can see if anyone is tailing him.” I nodded slowly, not at all happy with that answer. I would have Eren followed by people I could trust, and no one else, not until I knew who was responsible for this.

Mike opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the abrupt sound of beeping from Eren’s room. I rushed in to see that Eren was struggling against the nurse, trying to keep her from touching him.

“Eren, I need you to calm down please, I just needed to take your blood pressure.” She was saying. I motioned for her to move out of the way so I could calm him down and thankfully she complied. I leaned over Eren holding his face between my hands so he would look at me. He did but his eyes kept darting around, and his hands which had moved to my shoulders were clenching and unclenching. “You need to relax darling, don’t get worked up okay?” I was hovering right over his face, searching his expression for the tell-tale sign that he was calming.

It took a few minutes, and my constant quiet murmuring, but eventually he came back. “Hey there bright-eyes.” It was said on a sigh of relief and I was surprised he could even hear, let alone understand what I had just said.

“Hi Levi.” He whispered. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

I shook my head at him, giving him a gentle smile. I ran my thumbs over his cheeks as I leaned down to give him a chaste kiss. “Its fine… but you scared the hell out of me Eren. God I was so worried about you. When Hanji said you were a handful I should have listened.” I chuckled.

“I didn’t mean to worry you either.” Eren said nuzzling into my hand, it was adorable.

“I always worry about you Eren, not just when you’re in the hospital, or hurt, or crying. Always.” I placed another kiss on his forehead.

“Worrying is bad for your health you know.” He replied quietly and I chuckled, leaning down again to give him another kiss.

“I love you.” It was out of my mouth before I even realized it, but I didn’t feel any regret now that it was out. Eren’s heart monitor started beeping erratically and I couldn’t help but chuckle, placing another kiss to his lips, one to each cheek, each eye, his chin, his temple, his forehead , then back to his lips, a quiet ‘I love you’ muttered between each kiss. Until Eren was laughing, kissing me back fervently.

“I love you too.”

I climbed into his small hospital bed and he snuggled into my chest, in a way similar to how he had this morning and afternoon. I still couldn’t believe that that had only been a few hours ago.

~

“Mr. Jaeger. Mr. Ackerman” it was that goddamn nurse again, was all that I could think at first, but I stirred regardless. My eyes opened and I looked to the side, taking in Eren’s peaceful face.

“What is it?” I asked, running my fingers through his silky hair.

“The doctors have the results back from Eren’s MRI.” She whispered, apparently clued into the fact I didn’t want to wake Eren.

“Okay, I’ll tell Eren them when he wakes up, unless the doctors want to wait until then, otherwise they can speak with me.”

The nurse left after that, and a few minutes later a familiar doctor walked into the room. “Dr. Nanaba, it’s nice to see you, though I wish it weren’t here.” I commented idly, as long as she told me I could take Eren home soon I didn’t care about anything else.

“Ah, Levi was it? Good to see you. So I might as well get right to it. There aren’t any serious external injures, only the small gash on his forehead, but that was shallow. There is going to be a fair amount of bruising though, both external and internal but again nothing too serious. Eren also definitely has a concussion. So he has a relatively clean bill of health, so he can go home tomorrow assuming that nothing changes over night.”

“I’ve decided I like you. Quick and to the point, a woman after my own heart, but I’m gay so yeah.” Nanaba smiled, but didn’t comment.

“So what time tomorrow? Early afternoon?”

“Yeah, most likely, just so we can give him one more thorough check over.”

“Okay.” I nodded. Nanaba excused herself, and I relaxed back onto the bed. I pressed the button for Eren’s pain medication one more time and pressed him firmly to my chest. I kissed the top of his head and closed my eyes, happy that Eren was safe for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say aside from thank you for all the hits, kudos, and encouraging comments. Seriously, they give me life, kinda like waffles give Eren life. Also I decided to get a [tumblr](http://snkpyxy.tumblr.com/) account... I have zero idea on how to use it but I do have one now, and will start tracking this under the meaning of life fic and tmol fic.  
> Okay, I'm done. Pyxy out.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry this is so late on Christmas (there's like half an hour left where I am), but there was people, then cooking, then presents and cleaning, then eating and more cleaning, then more people I just didn't have the chance to post this earlier. Also I posted a Christmas one-shot.

Eren and I were lounging in bed after getting home from the hospital maybe an hour ago. He was dozing lightly while I carded my fingers through his hair, brushing it gently away from his face. I was content to just lay here with him for the next few weeks, I didn’t want him to be out of my sight if I could help it. I just wanted to hide away from the world with him, now so more than ever, but I knew that was unrealistic. However, there was certainly one thing I could do, I could have him work with me. He would be close, I could keep an eye on him, I could keep him safe, he would be getting paid more. It was a win-win situation.

My phone started going off behind me on the night side table. I recognized Hanji’s ringtone immediately, I was rolling out of bed, grabbing and answering my phone, and walking out the door of the bedroom throwing a cursory glance over my shoulder at Eren, all in a matter of seconds.

“Hanji. Do you have any news?” I walk briskly into my office, shutting and locking the door behind me. I plop down into my chair as they begin to speak.

“Hello to you to dear, I’m so glad you missed me!” The sarcasm was heavy in their voice but I ignored it in favor of getting answers.

“Hanji, my patience is already very thin right now, don’t push me.” I growl. I had just spent the past fourteen hours in the hospital and all I wanted was to climb back into bed and watch over Eren.

“And don’t you dare think you can push me around either Levi. We both know that I wouldn’t be doing this unless I wanted to, so don’t think that you can order me to do anything. I want to find who did this just as much as you.” Their voice was taking on the tone that meant I was walking on very thin ice and that I should watch where I step.

“Sorry, I just,” I ran a hand through my hair, then did it again and again before I eventually just decided to grab a handful and hold, swallowing a few times in the process so I can speak, “God, Hanji, when I thought I was going to lose him again.”

Hanji sighed on the other end, she knows just how much Eren has come to mean to me and understands that the last time I let someone this close they died, everyone died, except for a select few. “Well you didn’t, he’ll be fine he’s tough like that. But on a more serious note, I haven’t found anything yet Levi, nothing. I have my best people looking through very single frame and all I have to show for it is a shadow of a foot after we first set the cameras up and a very brief shadow of a shoulder two weeks ago. I can’t find one damn thing Levi. Which means one of two things, either the MP got a lot more organized and they’re trying to hide their involvement or there’s someone else out there who’s after Eren. Regardless, whoever did this Levi, they’re good. Really good. So just keep a close eye on my boy for me okay?”

I was squeezing my phone so hard I’m surprised that it hadn’t crumbled in my grip, but I took a deep breath so I didn’t start yelling. “Yeah, I’ll take care of him.”

“Good. Anywhore I gotta go so I’ll ring you if I happen to find anything yeah? Bye!” and just like that they were gone. I set my phone down after I turned it off. I didn’t want any more distractions today. I pressed my fingers into my temples, I had to tell Eren. I had to, he needed to at least be aware of what was going on. I could not let him walk around unaware of the situation at hand. I steeled my resolve and went back to our bedroom, I would tell him after he woke up.

I settled onto the bed beside Eren, pulling him close to my chest where he automatically laid his head down. I ran my fingers through his hair in a motion I had discovered was soothing for the both of us, and dozed.

~

Eren had woken up maybe half an hour ago. I had gotten him something to eat and made sure he took his medication and now we were wrapped up in one another under the covers. He head his head on my chest again and I was playing with the ends of his hair. I was trying to work up the courage to talk to him but it was as if there was a rock just sitting in the pit of my stomach and preventing me from speaking. I took a deep breath and just jumped right in.

“Hey Eren, I wanted to talk with you about something.”

He looked up, his eyes were questioning but he was still relaxed. “Okay. About what?”

“About what happened, I… I did some things when I was younger, and just in case I wasn’t you to know.” He sat up now and I did as well. He didn’t say anything, just nodded and I took that as my cue.

“So I grew up in France with my parents and my nannies. Maman and papa were always busy with the company and I spent very little time with them, unless of course there was some important function going on, because of that. I dealt with it in the way that any stereotypical rich kid would. I ran away, for two years I lived on the street because I was trying to prove a point to my parents. We had gotten into some small argument and I overreacted by leaving the house.

Anyway so I left, and while I was gone I joined this gang, we were known as the Scouts. There were two other major groups, one being Garrison and the other was the MP. The MP were a very brutal gang and…” I shook my head, getting into everything they did wasn’t necessary.

“Even after I went back home I was still in the Scouts. The MPs were the ones to kill my parents and my friends. So after that I destroyed their organization. I did some very awful things that I won’t burden you with but when I left France that day is was with the knowledge that their gang was decimated.

They came back again of course, those at the very bottom were suddenly at the top but didn’t know how to run anything. So even though they’re still around they are extremely weak. This is important because at first I thought they were the ones who were targeting you, but now…. Well now I’m not so sure and Hanji said”

Eren held his hands up and waved them frantically back and forth. “Wait, Hanji? What do they have to do with anything?”

I internally face-palmed, I hadn’t meant to bring them into this. “Hanji was in the gang, actually when I joined they were third in command. Erwin was in charge, and you met Mike when you were in the hospital remember? Isabel and Farlan were as well. My friends, the ones the MPs took out were too. But eventually Erwin left and then Hanji and Mike did, and when I decided to come to America with my parents business I disbanded the Scouts, wiped out the MPs and left. But we still have a few old connections from that time so Hanji contacted a few to see if they had heard anything, but so far no one has. They can’t find anything, we don’t know who did this to you Eren, but I’m looking, okay?”

Eren stayed quiet for several long moments, his brow furrowed and his eyes searching my face. The longer he kept quiet the tighter my chest became. I just needed him to say something, anything, even if it was just to yell at me. And when he finally spoke it was not what I thought he was going to say.

“Are we together?” it was spoken in a voice so soft I wouldn’t have heard it had I not been sitting right next to Eren. But I was confused either way.

“What?”

“Are we together? Or are you courting me? What exactly are we?” I shook my head, what the hell is courting? So I went with the easy answer.

“Well, we share a bed, we bathe together, we kiss and hold one another. I assumed that yes we were dating.” He nodded once, a smile breaking his stoic demeanor. Eren leaned in a kissed me, dragging me to lay back down.

“Then nothing else matters. What’s in the past is in the past, and if it comes back to bite us we’ll deal with it then. Just focus on now, on me.” As I sat up a little, caging him between my arms to hover over him as I kissed those soft and full lips, I figured I could do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize so much for this update taking a month. I could give you a grocery list of excuses but that won't really make it better (I will say one thing though, the worst time ever to get a job is the holiday season because everything is ridiculously hectic). But I appreciate everyone who reads this and comments (they seriously make my day, so sorry to the people who I don't respond to, I'm kind of shy even on the internet). And a huge thank you for all the kudos and hits I've gotten. 
> 
> So Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it and to those who don't I hope you had a lovely day. Good night!
> 
> My [tumblr](http://snkpyxy.tumblr.com/)


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay I updated, I'm very proud of myself for this too, but I'm not going to bore you with a long note right now. So go on and read, I hope you appreciate all the fluff and cuteness.

I had become very hyperaware of everything that was going on, both in and out of the house. I took off of work to stay with Eren as he mended. I had convinced him to quit his job, he was a little sad to let the pet shop go, but he understood my concerns and shared some of them. I still hadn’t talked to him about working with me, he pretty much already had the job, I just had to have him sign a contract, but I figured I would wait until he was actually ready to go back to work to say something.

I kept in contact with Hanji, they still haven’t found anything, but they were just as eager, if not more so, to find whoever had done this. I did all I could on my end, contacting a few old associates back in France but still nothing. It was the ultimate game of hide-and-seek. I was quickly tiring though, and it was making my nerves bad.

After I had finished working in my office for the day I went in search of Eren. I checked all the usual places; the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, our room, but still no sign of him. I tried not to think too much about the fact that I couldn’t find him. I had a large estate after all, he could be anywhere. I ran into one of the maids, and asked if she had seen him. She pointed me in the direction of the library, and I had to remind myself not to run. I found him in a back corner of the library in a particularly comfortable chair, that I had bought especially for him. He was wearing leggings that were a very close match to his eye color and a cream over-sized sweater that hung off one shoulder.

I walked over to him, giving him a lingering kiss as I cupped both sides of his face. I removed them as I placed a kiss on his cheek, then one on his jaw, making a trail down to his neck, from his neck down to his shoulder, and finally one kiss to the edge of his shoulder. As I placed that last kiss Eren hummed, closing his book so he could use his hands to bring my face up so he could kiss me again. “Hello, love, what are you reading?” I whispered, a hairsbreadth away from his lips.

I leaned back, giving him space and sitting on the floor in between his feet, resting each of my arms on one of his legs as he picked his book back up. I could see from where I was on the floor then what the book was. He was reading a Stephen King book, The Shining, it was called. I had heard of the movie but never bothered to watch it and now I learned that it was book as well. But Eren responded absentmindedly what the title was, as if he was only half paying attention to what I said and what he said in return. So I stayed quite where I was, tracing invisible patterns into Eren’s thighs. It was comforting, relaxing to just exist in the same space as him. We didn’t have to both be doing the same thing or be talking with one another. Just being physically close with Eren was enough for me.

We stayed there for several hours, not moving except to change my position so that my legs didn’t fall asleep, and Eren to turn the pages of his book. When dinner time rolled around I had had Terra bring us our meals which consisted of Dan-Dan noodles. We conversed quietly, mostly me asking how Eren was doing, or feeling, or about the book Eren was reading. I didn’t understand half of what Eren spoke about in reference to the book, but I loved just listening to him speak. The sound of his voice did wonders on my nerves. It was in moments like these, when I just wanted to bask in Eren’s very presence that I realized just how in love I was with him. I felt the utter need to remind him of such so I cut him off in the middle on his sentence.

“… so they’ve been at the hotel for a while and Sally is listening to Jack as he’s typing and…”

“Hey, Eren. I love you.” Eren looks up at me then, his mouth open on the next word that had been cut off. He blinks owlishly, it’s rather endearing, like he can’t believe the words I just said. Then his face breaks into a large smile, blinding really, and blushes from the tips of his ears all the way down his neck. I wonder how far the blush goes down, and not for the first time, or the last I’m sure. He leans over the small coffee table I had Antoine bring up for dinner. His kiss is a light one, just the subtle brush of lips, but I want more. So give him another one, and another, and another, all just light pecks in nature. Until I start to linger a little longer, add a little more pressure, deepen the kisses more. My hand cups his cheeks again and slide up into his thick chocolate tresses.

“God, I really love you.” It’s mumbled against his lips, which upturn into a small smile.

“And I love you as well.”

We go back to sitting in silence until I decide that we should get ready for bed, at which point we head to our room so we can wash up. I decide to forgo a bath, and take a shower instead. Eren takes a bath though so I’m done first, not that I really mind. After I get out and am dressed in my pajamas, I head to my office, doing one more quick check of all the security cameras. Once done I go back to my room and crawl into bed, listening to the sounds of water splashing as Eren moves around in the tub. I’m dozing, drifting right on the edge of sleep, when Eren steps out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. I quickly turn away, lest I develop a “problem”. I don’t feel like getting out of bed to take care of it, and Eren and I still haven’t talked about being sexually intimate with one another.

I feel him crawl into bed after a moment and he curls into my chest instead of stretching out and lying his head on my chest. Not that I’m upset, I just enjoy having Eren beside me as I fall asleep, and when I wake up in the morning.

~

When I wake up the next morning, I instead register the lack of heat anywhere near me on the bed. I reach out and feel the sheets are all cool, which means Eren has been out of bed for some time now and didn’t bother to wake me. I get out of bed, stretching out as I walk towards the bathroom to handle my business. Once finished I head off to find Eren, this time the first place I look is the library, though he isn’t there, so I check the kitchen next, but he isn’t there either. As I wander the estate I have to remind myself not to panic like yesterday. But those thoughts go out the window when I don’t find Eren within the first half hour and no one had seen him since yesterday. So I decide that before I start checking security cameras I would go check Eren’s old room.

I found him there, curled up on the bed, heavy bags under his eyes, with an old, though very well cared for stuffed bunny clutched to his chest like a life line.

“Eren? What’s wrong? What happened?” I ask, crossing the room quickly to slide onto the bed next to him, pulling him into my chest.

Eren sniffles briefly, and speaks in a quiet, raspy voice, “Had a nightmare, couldn’t go back to sleep, didn’t want to wake you, came in here, not sure what time, searched through my last box to get Charlie, climbed into bed, haven’t moved since.” His voice sounded devoid of inflection and the way he spoke was as if he was reading off a to-do list. I stayed silent for a moment, gathering my thoughts.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked softly, making sure not to startle him. Eren squeezed the bunny tighter, pushing his head under my chin as he nodded slowly.

“It was Grisha, he was screaming at me, telling me I was useless, that he hated me. He started to come closer, I thought he was just going to lock me in the basement again like he used to do,” Eren’s breath hitched in his throat as he choked back a sob, his shoulders shaking as he struggled to finish, “but as he got closer his face changed into Zackary’s and then he was hitting me, and calling me a whore and slut, and telling me I was used goods, then he… he was raping me again, and I couldn’t do anything, again. It was just like before, and it seemed so real Levi, so real.” Eren whispered hoarsely into my throat, and my heart clenched. I couldn’t do anything, but hold him close and reassure him that the demons in his head would slowly fade away, even if they never disappeared completely.

I ran one of my hands that had been on Eren’s back up into his hair, running my fingers through the knotted mess carefully so I didn’t yank his hair. “You’re okay, Zackary’s gone, Grisha’s gone. Neither one of them can hurt you anymore, not ever again. Even though it’s bad right now, you’ll get better. They’ll fade away into the deepest corners of your mind and you won’t see them as much, if ever.”

He made a noise in the back of his throat, though I’m not sure exactly what emotion it conveyed, but as he spoke I found it was frustration and maybe even anger. “But it’s real _now_ , the fact that eventually it’ll go away isn’t much of a solace.”

“I know, I’m sorry I can’t do more to help you.” I pressed a kiss to the top of his head, tightening my arm around his back. We sat in silence for a few minutes when a sudden idea struck me.

“Why don’t we go back to our room, and we’ll take a bath then I’ll give you a massage. How does that sound?” I asked, dropping another kiss to the top of his head. He was silent for a moment before nodding in assent. I pulled him off the bed, remembering to tell Terra she would need to clean Eren’s room and to bring the stuffed bunny to mine. We made our way to our room silently, and I let Eren continue to rest on the bed while I started the bath, making sure to add plenty of epsom salts and oils to the water. Once it was full I stripped Eren and moved him into the tub. He was nearly catatonic right now, he hasn’t had a nightmare this bad since he first moved in with me. I climbed in behind him once naked, pulling him to my chest where all the tension drained out of him, like air escaping a balloon.

The two of us sit and soak for at least half an hour before I move to grab the loofah that Eren uses and pour a decent amount of soap onto it and begin washing him. Eren sighs contently, becoming more boneless by the moment as I carefully, gently wash each part of him. I rinse him off before starting on myself, quickly but thoroughly, so I can go back to cuddling Eren. We continue to soak for the next fifteen minutes or so, until I decide we need to get out. I carefully towel him off, as well as myself and have him go lay down, while I find the special oils Hanji got me because she thought they would help me with being to tense. I hadn’t touched the bottle since Eren came to stay with me though so it was at the back of my cabinet.

I came out of the bathroom to find Eren lying, completely bare, on his stomach, with his head turned to the side, staring out through the window. I took a deep breath, sent a silent prayer to the gods I don’t believe in not to get hard while massaging Eren then climbed on the bed beside him. I set the oil down after pouring a fair amount into the small of Eren’s back, trailing my hand up through it to his upper back. Making sure both my hands and his entire back are coated I start my massage, working at all the knots at the base of his neck with my thumbs.

“Is there anywhere you don’t want me to touch?” I queried, moving out to his shoulders and his arms. Since I still hadn’t had a chance to ask him about our intimacy and I wasn’t sure if he didn’t want me touching any parts of him, or if there was anything that could possibly bring up things he didn’t want to remember, I figured I would bring it up now.

He took a deep breath in, slowly exhaling then answering. “I… I don’t know. I think if you stay away from my inner thighs I’ll be fine.”

I hummed, staying silent as I thought about how to ask this next question. Usually I wouldn’t care and would just say whatever came to mind, but I figured that this _sensitive_ topic required at least a modicum of decorum. However I wasn’t sure if this was just the thought of being intimate that Eren disliked or if it specifically reminded Eren of _him_. Honestly I wouldn’t care if Eren said he never wanted to have sex with me, but I wanted to know if there were any more invisible wounds that Eren has that he hasn’t, and probably wouldn’t ever bring up himself given the option.

I had just reached his waist using my knuckles to work out a knot to the right side of his spine when I finally decided my thoughts were organized enough to handle this conversation.

“Eren?” I asked quietly, making sure to keep my voice soft, hoping maybe it would help. He hummed, but made no other sound that he was paying attention.

I took a steadying breath, hoping this wasn’t a bad idea, not that I was one to generally question myself but Eren’s mood could change at the drop of a hat with a handful of words. “I know that we haven’t talked about this before, but I was wondering if it would be okay if I asked you something.” I felt Eren tense slightly under my hands, but relaxed down again after only a few seconds.

“You can ask, but that doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” He replied evenly, almost dismissively.

I swallowed mutely at the sudden tightness in my throat, reassuring myself that this would be fine. “So I’m fine no matter what you tell me, or don’t. We’ve never really gone past… kissing.” he tensed again this time and I was trying to work that tension back out of him. “I was wondering if that was just because you don’t want to, or if it reminds you… of him, or if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Eren didn’t say anything as I finished massaging his back and started working down the outside of his thighs and to his calves. I figured that at he wasn’t going to answer and put all of my energy into loosening the muscles in his calves and ankles. It was when I reached his feet that he spoke up.

“It isn’t really that I don’t want to or anything. I honestly don’t even think about it most times, but the few times that I have it was memories of him, and thus it made me uncomfortable. So I’m not… opposed to being intimate with you, I just usually don’t think about it. I like this innocent intimacy that we have, bathing and sleeping together, holding one another, those simple things are really all I want.” He shrugged after that, or as much as he could while he was laying down.

“Okay, that was all I wanted to know.” I leaned down, brushing a kiss to the small of Eren’s back.

The rest of the day past with the two of us laying around in bed, and I discovered that the quiet intimacy of cuddling skin to skin was one of my favorite things to do with Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I'm going to try (very very very hard) to get my updates out every two weeks, HOWEVER I make ZERO promises, of any kind. So everybody cross their fingers okay? Okay.
> 
> Now I'll bore you with a long A/N.
> 
> For all of you who would like a bit of an explanation as to why I stopped writing for a bit, keep reading, for those of you who don't care, then you can... I don't know? Not read this, I guess...?
> 
> So I'll start back in September. I ended up in the hospital for about a week at the beginning of the month, and I didn't post the week I was in there. I spent about half a week recovering. Then I traveled to Ohio at the end of the month for a week to go to a family reunion, and if you remember I didn't post that week either. I had regular-ish posts until the end of October when I went to Virginia to see my parents and siblings for a week. I didn't post then. I was back home in Maryland for six days before I was on a plane flying to Georgia to spend three weeks and Thanksgiving with my great-grandmother. My posting had slowed down during this time.
> 
> After flying back, I was home for four days (so beginning of December at this point) before I was driving seventeen hours down to Florida to see my uncle, only spending five days there before turning around to drive back home. Then it was preparing for Christmas and New Years, then celebrating the actual holidays with my family. A few days after New Years I ended up in the hospital again, this time for thirteen days (my longest stay to date). After getting out of the hospital it took me a week and a half to even halfway recover. I started going back to work at that point, (end of January now), and was trying to get myself back on a schedule. I was just getting back into the swing of things, my writer's block was less... blocking I guess, I was writing during my breaks at work and after I was getting home from work, but it was still very slow going (end of February, beginning of March-ish). 
> 
> Just when I was about to come off haitus, I ended up in the hospital again (middle of March), only nine days this time, still long enough to throw my routine off again, but not as bad as January. I'm out again and I spend a week at home still trying to recover, before I'm back at work again (early April time frame), and now here we are. And all of this is only made worse by the fact that the meds my doctors have me on don't work anymore so I'm in constant pain, which is... well painful, and tiring, and just too much to deal with on the best of days, and crushing on my bad days.
> 
> So between all the traveling, hospital stays, pain (even outside of hospital stays), time recovering (but never fully because my meds aren't effective anymore), working, and writer's block (which is a real bitch) I just haven't been able to update this regularly like I wish I could. And you guys, my lovely and wonderful readers, have been so understanding, and I'm so grateful for that, which is why I decided that you guys deserved to know why I've been absent.
> 
> And even with all of this time passed I still don't have as much of a buffer as I would like, but as it were, we're winding down on this story. I've got seven or eight more chapters after this one (it depends on how much detail I decide to stuff into these next few chapters).
> 
> So a big thank you to all my readers for your support and encouragement, it really does mean the world to me. Pyxy out!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, hi... so yay I posted an update... anywhore go read, hope you enjoy.

The first time I try to mention to Eren that he should work for me, or with me rather, I get such a heated glare that I actually flinch back. The second time I get not just a no, but a fuck no. The third time around I get a lecture, so I let the matter rest for a few days before trying again. I was met with Eren’s stony disposition saying that he wasn’t a charity chase and that he was perfectly capable of finding a sufficient job all by himself, but after the fourth failed interview, Eren was finally starting to consider. It took another two weeks of prodding on my part before he, finally, though very reluctantly, agreed.

I was satisfied, Eren would be working, which I know he was missing. And he would have constant eyes on him, making sure nothing else happened to him, which make me less tense than when we was working other places. However that satisfaction dimmed some once I realized that he would have to leave me every single day for the next few months for training, which is of course standard procedure. Something I should have remembered, seeing as how it was my own company policy.

Of course I always had the option to accompany Eren to work each day, but that would be redundant seeing as how he would be busy with training. I brought the matter up to Eren who in no short terms told me that he was a big boy capable of handling himself for a few hours of work every day and he did not under any circumstances need a babysitter. Therefore I was forced to stay at home unless of course I actually needed to go in, say for a meeting or something else equally mind numbing. Which meant that by the third week of Eren’s absence to work each day, I was sufficiently bored out of my mind.

I had managed to finish the pile of paperwork that had been steadily growing over the past three months no matter how much work I did while Eren was here, and that left me with nothing to do. Aside from wandering my estate like a lost ghost of course. It all of a sudden felt much too large without Eren’s presence to fill it up, like his spirit filled in all the cracks and voids that I hadn’t noticed before his arrival all those months ago. Now I could just be getting sentimental with my old age, which I could distantly acknowledge wasn’t old at all, though I shoved the though aside so I could go on with my mushy thoughts. How pathetic.

I finally decided I could just call Hanji, they could distract me, even if only temporarily.

Once back in my office I dialed their number, and they answered on the second ring, shrieking into the phone. It was at these moments that I was infinitely grateful that I remembered to always hold the phone away from my ear, otherwise I was positive I would be deaf.

“Levi my munchkin! How are you? Is everything okay? How’s Eren? I haven’t heard from either one of you in forever, did you forget I even existed while you were cozying up with each other? I feel so neglected!” I waited until they were finished with their spiel before speaking.

“Hello Hanji, so glad to hear that you’re still as demented as ever.” I heard them sniffled on the other end of the phone and was briefly alarmed until I realized they were just being dramatic. Their voice was ridiculously over played as they spoke, “Aww,” another fake sniffle, “I knew you cared Levi. I don’t care what anyone else says you’re definitely not heartless.”

There was a moment’s pause before Hanji burst into cackles and I rolled my eyes at their antics.

“Yeah, ha ha ha, laugh it up Hanji.”

“Okay, alright, I’m done. Seriously though, how are you? You don’t ever call unless you need me.” Their voice was slightly solemn, and I let out a dejected sigh.

“I don’t need you, I’m fine, Eren’s fine, everything’s just fine.” I didn’t mean to sound as snappish as I did but my frustration seeped into my tone without even thinking about it.

“Oh Levi, what’s wrong honey pie? If Eren is safe and happy there really isn’t any reason for you to sound like someone just kicked your puppy.”

I sighed again, running my hand over the shorter hairs of my undercut, something that Eren had taken to doing whenever he knew I was stressed. “Eren started working again. My estate feels too big now, what did I ever need all of this for Hanji? I don’t know, I can’t remember.” I fought back the lump in my and the burning behind my eyes, and if my voice cracked, neither Hanji nor I were going to mention it.

“Oh sweetie, you can always change that if you’re unhappy with it. But that’s something for you to talk about with Eren, and something for you to reflect on on your own. Sit down with him when he gets home, see how he feels about it. I honestly can’t tell you how to go about this, I’m sorry I can’t help more.” I could hear the sincerity, and it made the lump in my throat tighten the slightest bit. I took a deep breath though, trying to calm myself down. I was not going to cry just because I was feeling lonely at the moment.

“It’s okay, I just… I just wanted to call you. I feel like I don’t tell you often enough but you really are my best friend, I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t talk to you.”

“I’m always here if you need me, but unfortunately I have to go, my break just ended.” I nodded, even though I knew they couldn’t see me.

“Alright, I’ll just talk to you later then, right?” I couldn’t help the desperate note in my voice at the end, but Hanji wouldn’t say anything about it and they surely wouldn’t mock me about it if they did decide to comment.

“Right, call me later on and we’ll have more time to talk, tell me what Eren thinks. I gotta go, love you Levi.” Despite my best efforts I could feel my cheeks heating. It isn’t the first time Hanji’s every expressed their… affections for me, but it still makes me blush every single time.

“Yeah, whatever, love you too. Have fun at work shitty glasses.” And with that I hung up. I put my phone down, and sat back in my chair, contemplating what to do when Eren got home. Or maybe I could just not, after all, if the way Eren reacted when Hanji moved was any indication he wouldn’t appreciate it. Maybe later, once we were on stable footing, after our relationship could cement a little more, after Eren had a stable work schedule, just after…

~

Eren arrived home from work a little later than he usually did, but he had called to let me know that he would be late so I didn’t worry when dinner was ready before he got home, but I didn’t even bother going downstairs until I heard him come in. As we sat down for dinner Hanji’s words echoed in the back of my mind, but I was determined not to bring the thought of leaving up just yet. I also resolutely told myself that I was not guilty for ignoring Hanji’s advice.

 I enquired about how Eren’s day was, and he proceeded to tell me about what he was working on right now as well as different co-workers that he spoke to on a semi-regular basis. As he chattered excitedly I was happy that he was enjoying working at my company, and that I offered the job to him.

It wasn’t until we were in the bath relaxing, with him resting between my legs back to chest that he asked me if I was feeling alright, that I seemed subdued. I very briefly considered bringing my earlier thoughts up, but decided against it.

“Nothing, I’m just a little tired. Doing nothing all day is very exhausting.” I’m glad that the sarcasm covered up the truth of that statement otherwise he would have done something other than laugh, the vibrations of which I could feel in my own chest.

“Come in to work then, just because I don’t need a babysitter doesn’t mean you can’t come to your own company silly.”

Bathing was a silent affair after that, we got out and dried off, Eren throwing on a pair of briefs before falling into bed, while I myself put on a pair of sweat pants and went back to my office to call Hanji again, who answered on the first ring.

“Munchkin! Everything okay?” No shrieking this time thankfully, but they were still obnoxiously loud.

“Fine, Hanji. You said to call you later.” It was a dull response, even I could admit to that, but I couldn’t manage to care too much about that.

“Well yeah, but how often have you ever actually done that? How was the talk with Eren? What did he say? Are you okay? Is he okay?” I rolled my eyes at their rapid fire questions but answered regardless, the guilt from earlier making itself known.

“I um, I didn’t talk with him yet, but he seems rather happy, he likes working. I’m fine too, I just, how am I supposed to bring up moving? From what Eren’s told me he doesn’t enjoy having to leave somewhere that he’s gotten attached to.” I heard Hanji sigh on the other end, and their tone became a little more serious.

“Well, you’re right, he doesn’t. But that doesn’t meant that you shouldn’t at least talk to him about it, if he says no then nothing changes, if he says yes then that’s all the better. But don’t keep him in the dark about how it is you’re feeling, if he happens to find out he won’t be happy.” I nodded silently, feeling better about wanting to leave, maybe tomorrow if I can work up the nerve I’ll talk to him. I thanked Hanji, engaging in a some idle chit-chat before hanging up and crawling into bed beside Eren. I curled up close against his back, feeling the residual tension seep out of him. Even when he’s asleep he’s troubled, I couldn’t help but mourn the fact. I draped my arm across his waist, resting my hand against his chest feeling his heart beat. I fell asleep to the steady sound of his breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm terribly sorry that its been going on four months since I last updated but life is a bitch, I'm also sorry that this is more of a filler than anything. I did need it for the plot, but not really all of it. Now with that aside I have a few things to ask and notify you guys of.
> 
> First, we are down to the last few chapters and I want to know whether you guys want a happy or sad ending, I could do either from this point on.
> 
> Second, during my long break from this I have found numerous errors; spelling, grammatical, punctuation, plot wise, etc (like wtf were you doing while you were writing this Pyxy? Were you high or something? The answer being no, but I was usually drugged, but I'm splitting hairs *shrugs*). So I was thinking about after this is done either replacing the chapters as I edit to fill in blanks and mistakes, or post the changed chapter as a separate work under the same name which is what I'm leaning towards doing at this point, then just deleting this one afterwards. I'll leave that up to you guys as well.
> 
> Third and lastly, even if I go with the latter option of posting a separate work there will still most likely be holes in the plot so I was thinking of making this a series, but again I'll leave that decision up in the air. After all I don't want to put the effort into writing something no one is going to read.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so much for sticking around this long. Love you guys!
> 
> Pyxy out.


	34. Not an update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't feel like reading my rant below the short of it is no chapters for awhile more.

Hey everyone, Pyxy here.

I know it's been forever since my last update on anything. All I can say is that life has officially plummeted into the shitter. My health, both mentally and physically, is in the gutter ( ** _again_** ), and I got kicked out and disowned (thankfully I had other family willing to take me in). My parents (read asshole step father) cut my health insurance and for someone with all my health problems I'm sure you can imagine how stressful that was. I'm not even allowed to talk to my younger siblings anymore and honestly it's killing me.

I don't know if this is really a hiatus, I still write when I can and I'm absolutely going to finish all my ongoing fics, I don't care if it kills me. I just.... I don't really know guys. But life can honestly go fuck itself with a cactus right about now, I do know that.

Also I know that anyone who has stuck around this long is the real MVP, like you all are the reason I haven't just gone on a killing spree and been locked in an asylum yet, among a few other things. Maybe once all my fics are done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you did read my little rant, hopefully you guys don't mind me venting all my drama on here. Again, you guys are the best.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo bitches I'm back and better than ever with a nice, shiny new chapter right in time for Memorial Day. I hope y'all enjoy!

Things were peaceful for months after that, Eren and I fell into an easy and familiar routine. Life was good and, though I was often hesitant to use such a word, perfect. Living with Eren was perfect, from waking up to him in the morning and falling asleep with him next to me at night and everything in between. Of course happiness can’t last, it never does so eventually things were going to have to come crashing down around our ears in a truly, spectacularly earth shattering disaster.

I’m at home the day everything started to devolve. People like to say that things have to get worse before they get better, so when things started happening to Eren I knew everything would have to blow up in our faces before anything would be resolved. What people don’t say though is that life will keep crashing down around you, over and over and over again, and you have to fight your way up from the ashes and debris of your life just as many times as you fall. It’s never ending and life has a tendency to feel like a constant uphill battle, with only small pieces of joy thrown in to give you enough hope to keep going.

My life included, Eren’s even more so, and now that Eren and I have had that small piece contentment, and after all Eren and I have both been through I don’t want to have to fight again, I don’t want Eren to have to fight again. If I wasn’t so sure that running wouldn’t help, I would leave, leave this life behind, leave this place that I’ve come to resent behind. It would be so easy, and I don’t think Eren would object either, god I’m so tempted to try anyway, but we would have to keep running every few months and that isn’t something I want for Eren.

So I’m not very surprised when I get several frantic calls, from my buildings security company, several mangers, and nothing from the one person I want to hear from.

There’s been another explosion, centered on the eighth floor, the one Eren mainly works on, but the whole buildings structure is compromised. They’re currently evacuating, getting as many people out as they can. I’m already in my car before the first phone call is over, and going well above the speed limit, just hoping nobody gets in my way. I get there in record time, watching the remains of my building smolder and my employees hover, in various states of distress and conditions. Some just with dirt and minor bruising, and others…

But still no Eren, I check in on the few employees I cross who are coherent enough to speak and aren’t getting check by paramedics. And all throughout this my eyes roam the area searching out his mess of brunet locks or those stunning eyes of his, but nothing and honestly I’m becoming increasing more anxious. Where is Eren? Was he caught in the blast and already taken to the hospital? Was he just wandering around through the crowd, helping calm people, because he seems like the type to do that in this situation?

The longer I look the more the feeling of dread comes over me. By the time I’ve canvased the whole area and there still isn’t any sign of Eren I’m five seconds away from a meltdown. If Eren isn’t here, and he’s not at the hospital it means he’s been taken. The moment the thought occurs I know it’s true. I immediately call Hanji.

Within five minutes I’ve covered the most pertinent facts and Hanji is searched through every security feed within the past week. I leave Hanji to it, they’ll contact me if they find anything. In the meantime I have work to do here, police to speak to, and employees’ fears to assuage. It’ll be a very long day, and hopefully by the end of it I’ll know where Eren is, and if life is feeling particularly kind, have him back at my side.

By the end of the day we know who has Eren, and my heart stops in my chest.

It is not a comfort to know who has him, it’s the farthest thing from, but it’s a lead and direction to work towards.

But god above I do wish for anything else, anyone else, but Them.

The moment Hanji gives me the information, I’m calling them again. “Levi, I’m so so-” but I’m cutting them off before I can receive their platitudes, god that would probably make my emotions even worse, even more unstable or maybe more numb. “Call in the team, I want everyone left here in twenty four hours, hell call Dok in, and… and I want Nikolai here too.”

I can already hear Hanji’s protest before they open their mouth, but I’m still shocked at the vehemence in their tone. “Levi! Are you out of your goddamn mind?! We cut contact with him for a reason, he’s too unstable; I don’t even know whe-”

“Don’t bullshit me right now Hanji, you know exactly where Nikolai is, I know we cut him off! I said I want him here, we’re going to need him this is not up for debate.”

There was a long silence after where I wondered what was going through Hanji’s mind, and my own if I’m being honest right now. Nikolai had been part of our group, but we had never been solely about killing; in Nikolai’s mind a dead enemy couldn’t come back and attack you, which is accurate of course, but killing without prejudice isn’t what we did. We cut him off when I found him executing six of the MPs younger members, members who had probably been lured in with promises of plenty of food and permanent shelter without even knowing what they did or were about. It’s why we let them go, no point in killing a child who doesn’t know better.

Nikolai, well he didn’t agree, but if I want Eren back, I need someone who will kill without hesitation, and without concern about anyone else, and so long as he doesn’t touch the team or Eren I’ll let him do what he will.

It was time to get Eren back, and I would have him back by my side in three days. No more, no less.

~

When I woke up I was on my side, and in total darkness, and aside from the obvious distress of not knowing where I was or how I had gotten there, I was actually comfortable. My arms were bound behind my back, at the elbow and again at the wrists but it wasn’t putting any kind of strain on my shoulders shockingly enough. There was something around my knees and ankles as well, and something under my head so it wasn’t resting against the floor. It was warm in the room, but not unbearably so, and if it weren’t so obvious that I had been abducted I would think that someone was trying to make sure I was comfortable.

I tried sitting up and with a little maneuvering was able to accomplish it. As I moved to find something to lean against, preferably a wall or a corner I noticed that the bonds around my wrist were attached to a chain on the floor not that I could see them; it was then that I noticed the room wasn’t totally dark it was that I was blindfolded and with how fuzzy my head felt I was drugged too. Or maybe I had a concussion? But it didn’t really feel like one, there was no pounding headache just, my thoughts were hazy, sluggish, like they were surfacing through syrup. I finished positioning myself into the first corner I came to and stayed there.

Time passed for a while like this and with how slow my thoughts were I couldn’t accurately say just how long I had been sitting there when I heard the door open, but it must have been at least two hours. Despite being drugged I was far too wired to be able to rest while I waited for my captor to show up, so when I heard the door my breathing sped up and my heart beat was the only thing I could hear, partly because it felt as if my heart was trying to break out of the cage my ribs formed, but also because the other person was completely silent. I stayed where I was trying to listen over the sound of my pulse in my ears but still I heard nothing, so when a warm, dry hand caresses my cheek I jerk away. The person attached to said hand is fast though and before I can pull too far away my jaw is in a vice grip.

I fight to get the grip released but it seems futile, with my thoughts still lethargic and my body chained up the way it is I have no leverage to get away. I put up a few more seconds of token protest before going still again, my breath another rushing noise in my head. Once I’m mostly calmed and my breathing isn’t so loud in the room I feel brave enough to speak.

“Who are you? And what do you want with me? Why di-”

“Now, now Eren, you’ll work yourself up again if you’re not careful. I promise I’ll answer all of your questions, later though not now. I believe it’s time we caught up after so many years, don’t you?”

My veins flood with ice and as thoughts, no matter how slow, come to a complete stand still I can only think of one word which I let out in a horrified whisper,

 

“Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after just about a year of no updates, I am finally in a stable enough place to have finished this chapter, I'm currently in the process of finishing the next chapters for SCaH and CMIYC. Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement, it made going through such a rough time better knowing that my loyal readers would be there when my life finally got itself back together. If you'd like a little more info about what has been going on I did make a short post on my tumblr and also feel free to message me on said [tumblr](http://pyxyystyxx.tumblr.com/) if you have any questions!
> 
> Also completely not really sorry about this awful cliffhanger. God I'm the worst lol.
> 
> Pyxy out!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, Pyxy here, for occasional updates and sneak peaks (along with other random and unrelated such nonsense) go check out my [tumblr](http://pyxyystyxx.tumblr.com/)!


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